Is It Biblical To Be A Tradwife?
A woman’s life choices and role in society are seemingly always up for debate. No matter what we do, ladies, it’s not correct. We can’t win. Working from home? You’re wrong. Housewife? Bad choice. Single? What’s wrong with you? Married? Ugh, you don’t need a man. No kids? You must hate children. Kids? Way to overpopulate the planet… It’s all wrong. So, what are we supposed to do? What is our role? If you listen to Christian and conservative social media influencers, then, my friend, you are supposed to be a #tradwife. But I’m not convinced the tradwife life is biblical.
The Tradwife Defined
Tradwife is short for “traditional wife,” and the term originally became popularized on TikTok and Instagram. Can we have a moment of silence for the fact that the insipid content on narcissism-fueled social media platforms is genuinely impacting Christians’ lives?
The tradwife focuses on staying home and putting her full-time effort into caring for her husband, children, and home. These women always present themselves as conservatives and often consider themselves Christians.
Let me begin our look at tradwives by clarifying an important point. I don’t see an issue or concern with the tradwife life in theory. Unlike liberals, I don’t see tradwives as a threat to women across the nation pushing a damaging agenda. However, I do see some potential damage. Overall, though, I see the appeal because I’m a tradwife in many ways…just not as pretty or motivated to film myself doing chores.
I’m a stay-at-home wife, pastor’s wife, homeschool mom of five, and I’m a (brace yourself) complementarian. Below are just a few of the posts I’ve written about my tradwife-adjacent lifestyle.
The Christian Stay-at-Home Mom: Is Staying at Home Enough?
My Honest and Unfiltered Reasons for Homeschooling
Jen Wilkin is Wrong About Public School
As you can see, I’m all in on the basics of tradwife living, but the tradwife movement, as we’re seeing on social media and in mainstream media outlets, is not a clear-cut good. We’ll talk about why in a little bit, but let’s back up and figure out why tradwives are even a thing.
Why Are Tradwives All Over My Social Media Feed?
There isn’t a consensus on why the tradwife movement began or took off the way it did, but it doesn’t stop people from spinning some theories. Three possible factors continually enter the conversation when discussing tradwives, and they make a lot of sense.
First, the tradwife movement could be a response to the LGBTQ+ movement in our nation, especially the transgender element. Women are tired of being erased by men claiming to be women. Biological females are insulted by the transgender version of femininity. It looks like these men are playing dress up and having a good laugh at our expense.
Second, men and women had a taste of the tradwife experience during Covid. Many households required a parent to stay home because schools had closed and moved on to virtual classes. In many cases, the stay-at-home parent was mom. Although this set-up is not exactly the same as being a tradwife, it opened the door to the idea. Some couples decided to go 100% in on the housewife lifestyle.
Third, being a tradwife is a knee-jerk reaction to feminism and the very real struggle of full-time work and having a family. Plenty of young women are barely scraping by with huge college loans on their backs while working jobs they hate. They live to work, but they actually long for deeper meaning in their lives. That meaning, though, isn’t coming from a job. They want a family.
Tradwife Positives
I’m not here to rip on tradwives. In fact, I think we can glean some important lessons from these women. For one, they promote living a simple life and less reliance on unhealthy, yet convenient, foods. Next, the tradwife movement advocates for the traditional family. That is to say, tradwives have a husband and children. Simple and as God created, right? Finally, Tradwives demonstrate that women can be fulfilled by focusing on homemaking rather than an outside job. I’d like to add that they are usually working hard and showing viewers that housewives don’t sit around doing nothing all day – like some people accuse them of doing.
So, on paper, tradwives on social media look like a net positive for society. Unfortunately, most good things get tainted by sinful men and women. I’m not sure the tradwife movement is any different.
My Concerns With The Tradwife Trend
1. The Time Travel
Although all tradwives are unique and have their own way of doing things, the tradwife movement leans pretty hard into the 1950s vibe. The clothing, hair, and imagery these wives incorporate into their lives have that Pleasantville feel. Estee Williams is one of the most famous social media tradwives, and many women consider her “inspirational.” Here are a few clips from her social media content.
There’s nothing wrong with her beliefs, per say, or how she dresses, but it’s promoting something unrealistic, manufactured, and based on an imagined history. I absolutely love the 1950s aesthetic. The clothing, homes, and all-American feeling are like a big slice of apple pie – comfort food. But these 1950s tradwives are living out historical fiction, and their vision of the traditional wife comes from one’s imagination and Hollywood’s depiction of a bygone era. The simplicity of the 50s is a bit more complicated than Estee Williams and others like her are saying.
Convenience
For instance, the 50s are partially to blame for women’s diminished interest in housework and cooking. The kitchen became a room designed for convenience, thanks to electricity. Gadgets and appliances made everything a little easier to get done. Women were able to spend less time preparing food.
On top of the gadgets, Americans were bombarded by convenience foods. Highly processed food became a staple in homes across the nation. Cooking is significantly faster and easier when you can buy it ready to cook at your local supermarket. Wives could use less time to make complete meals, albeit far less nutritious.
Personally, I love the conveniences we have as a result of modern technology. Guess what. The housewives of the 1950s loved them, too. We can see that “traditional” decade as the era of stepping out of traditional homemaking and women freeing up time for themselves.
Consumerism
Even Hollywood gets this part of the 1950s correct. Families had money to spend, and retailers had plenty to sell. When I think of the 50s, I think of “keeping up with the Joneses.” America saw a significant increase in car sales, theaters and restaurants became a regular outing, and families camped out in front of their television sets with TV dinners while being inundated with advertisements for product after product.
The 1950s were anything but simple and traditional when we look at the amount of “stuff” families were accumulating. Spending, rather than saving, became the norm as clever marketing tactics bombarded the public. The typical tradwife leaves these images out of her social media content.
Sexism And Racism
Ladies First
The tradwife movement gives the impression that women in the 1950s were adored and revered by their husbands and the community. Let’s get real for a second. That’s absurd! Of course, some women were treated as equals (in terms of value) by their husbands, but that wasn’t a given. Culturally speaking, women were not valued as much as men. Again, we can get a glimpse of the 50s mindset through advertising.
Those ads are, um, uncomfortable. In some ways, it appears that women were little more than adult children who worked for their husbands. And listen, that is hard for me to say because I’m not a feminist by any stretch of the imagination. Advertisements weren’t the only examples of sexism women in the 50s endured.
Women couldn’t independently open a bank account until 1974 which is when the Equal Credit Opportunity Act passed. (They were given the right in 1960, but banks could refuse without the husband’s signature.) They could be denied access to practicing law, despite having a degree, until 1971. Women who worked outside the home could lose their job if they had a baby. There were no legal protections for mothers until 1978 with the Pregnancy Discrimination Act. Even running could be withheld from females. Women couldn’t run in the Boston Marathon until 1972. Of course, who would want to run?
Race Relations
As tradwives idealize the 1950s, I’m certain any person of color who knows even a little history is going to look at that with some side eye. Racial discrimination was alive and well back then. “Separate but equal” was common practice entering the 1950s. This Jim Crow era ensured Black and White citizens didn’t interact unless absolutely necessary, and unsurprisingly, Black Americans had the short end of the stick. “Equal” may have been part of the saying, but it wasn’t true in practice. The 50s did, however, usher in some tremendously important changes.
For example, in 1954, Brown v. Board of Education ruled that segregated schooling was “inherently unequal.” Later, in 1955, Rosa Parks wouldn’t give up her seat on the bus for a White person that led to a thirteen-month boycott in which Black Americans refused to take buses. This boycott helped push forward the civil rights movement.
2. Tradwife Cosplay
Some of these women look like they are wearing costumes for a local tradwife cosplay convention. It seems as if they’ve recently watched I Love Lucy or Pleasantville, and now they’re concocting not much more than a very cute Halloween costume. “Look, ma! I’m June Cleaver!”
None of this is based on reality.
The Farmer Tradwife
To be fair, not all tradwives are using a 1950s aesthetic. Many others lean more toward homesteading and farming. Though, I would argue the inspiration comes from a 50s era simplicity.
The most famous farmer tradwife is Hannah Neeleman. She’s a Mormon rancher in Utah whose business is called Ballerina Farm. She and her family sell meat, baked goods, sourdough kits, etc. They have a really great website, and it seems like a trustworthy and solid business. She also shares videos of herself tradwifing. Is that a word?
Here she is making chicken parmigiana just like you and I would if we had the time. (It’s pretty cool and makes me hungry.)
The Neeleman family has positioned themselves to look like a family we can all aspire to be like one day. The sourdough videos are like an irresistible call for conservative women hoping to homestead. Enough with the sourdough, y’all. It’s really tasty bread, but it’s not an identity. Anyway, she has omitted one important piece of information. Their family is incredibly rich, and her husband is the heir to JetBlue Airlines. Not as attainable a dream now, is it?
Farmer Roleplay
The Neelemans seem to be good at running their business and to love their work. I don’t begrudge them the opportunity to own and run a successful business. In fact, I applaud it because they are obviously hard workers. On the other hand, holding back the very real financial head start they had gives the impression that being a farmer or a rancher can easily look like their TikTok videos.
Have they met a farmer? I live surrounded by farmers and retired farmers. They are hard workers who, thanks to our economy and Big Ag, can no longer make a living off the land. Farming has become big business, and the Neelemans can finance themselves through those hurdles.
In some ways, pardon me for saying this, it feels as if this family is playing at being ranchers. They portray a picture of a family working together to run a ranch and conveniently leave out the huge sums of money and hired help they have to make it all work. When does a social media image become a lie?
3. Tradwife Life Is Based On Lies
Tradwife = Simple Life?
Tradwives advertise their simple living, and to some extent, they are correct. One of the many reasons I homeschool is for simplicity. The idea of getting up early every day and getting five children ready for school is too much to get my head around. Not to mention, all the schlepping, school expectations, and homework in the evenings! However, I would never try to convince you that my life as a housewife and homeschooling mom is simple.
Allow me to return to Ballerina Farm for a moment. Neeleman is often seen cooking and baking with a green stove that fits perfectly into the old timey farm aesthetic she presents. Well, some online sleuths did a little digging and discovered that model stove is approximately $30,000. Yes, the simple life often whispers, “Buy the $30,000 stove…”
Hey, all power to her. She has the money and can buy what she wants, but as a social media influencer, she’s influencing people’s purchases, goals, and decisions. As viewers, how can we reconcile simple farm-style living with some bougie appliance constantly featured in these lifestyle videos?
True For Thee, Not For Me
Whether the message is given explicitly or implicitly, the tradwife is meant to be in the home. Having a job outside of homemaking is not idea in this lifestyle model. Many tradwives, such as Estee Williams, will say outright that a tradwife ought to rely completely on her husband for financial support. I’m not going to engage in that messaging because I don’t really care what she believes on the subject. I care about whether or not she is being honest.
If a tradwife social media influencer is preaching the gospel of “men bring home the bacon and we fry it in the pan,” then am I to believe they don’t make money off the content they are creating? The affiliated links don’t bring in an income either? I understand they are still in the home when they create content, but how can they say they rely on their husbands for money and then create a job for themselves online? It counters the message many of them are giving.
“Rely on your husband, but buy this sourdough kit for $89.” “Wives need to focus on cooking, cleaning, and dressing beautifully for their husbands, but I’ll create videos during the day to make some extra cash.” Hey, it’s fine to make a business from online content, but please, tradwife influencers, stop acting as if your household is not a dual-income home.
4. The Tradwife Portrays An Unrealistic Life
I’m not saying that tradwife influencers are trying to set women up to fail, but I do think they’re setting women up to fail. The standards are unattainable. Listen, I love making food from scratch. It tastes better and is undeniably healthier than whatever processed versions are out there. Is it reasonable to think I am going to be able to do that for everything? I have finite time, and I can’t afford to spend it all in the kitchen.
Another unrealistic expectation tradwife influencers perpetuate is that the kids aren’t going to be, um, kids. The homes are pristine, countertops are completely clear of clutter, and the home is silent aside from the tradwife narrating her video. Where are the kids? I have theories. First, some of these ladies don’t have kids yet, so I can’t take much of what they say too seriously, anyway. Yes, we think we have all the answers in our mid-twenties, but children have a way of changing all that. Second, the children have been removed from the home for filming or are on their best behavior. Hey, no complaints here. Lastly, these “traditional” women do the least traditional thing they could do with their children and send them to public school. You want to be a traditional, homesteading, counter-cultural mama? Homeschool. Traditions started well before the 1950s.
One last concern about the realism of tradwife living is how the content is consumed. Most influencers share short-form content which can only give a viewer a brief and carefully curated snapshot of the tradwife’s day. When all a woman sees is a tradwife highlight reel, then how can she know the reality of that lifestyle?
5. Who Is Tradwife Content Really For?
Frankly, tradwife social media influencers give men a false promise of what to expect from women in marriage. I don’t doubt that men are tired of being put down by liberal women with septum piercings and blue hair. Undoubtedly, there are plenty of men searching for decent, feminine, traditional women. These videos, though, offer men a false dichotomy. They can have a raging liberal or tradwife in a house dress, full face of makeup, and heels who is there to meet your every need, asking nothing in return. Is that really how these women live? Probably not. But that’s the fantasy they’re selling. In some cases, they are truly selling it by monetizing the content.
Men are encouraged to pursue what I consider old school approaches to marriage when tradwives explain how their husbands “don’t lift a finger at home.” It’s a marriage in which a husband leaves work and is free to be “off” for the rest of the day while the wife works from the moment she wakes until the moment she falls asleep. Her work, I suppose, is valued less and, thus, doesn’t require a break. Again, I’m not claiming tradwife influencers live this way, but they are certainly giving that impression.
Let’s think about who this content impresses most. Women enjoy it, but plenty of men comment and affirm these ladies. It’s not uncommon to read a comment from a man expressing his desire for his wife to be more like the tradwife in the video. Ultimately, the person who gains the most from the social media version of a tradwife lifestyle is the man. That’s not the only reason I think this content is actually meant to pull in male viewers, though.
Sex Sells
Men like pretty women. Are you shocked? Of course not! Everyone knows that. Not all, but many of the tradwives on social media are very pretty. Without an ounce of surprise, I can tell you two of the most popular tradwives are uncommonly beautiful. I’ve spoken about them both already: Estee Williams and Hannah Neeleman.
Mrs. Neeleman won the Mrs. American pageant while pregnant, and she competed in Mrs. World with a newborn. It was her eighth child, in case you were wondering. Here’s what she looks like in competition mode.
Mrs. Williams, on the other hand, spends every day fully immersed in 1950s style. Her flirty dresses combined with her hair and makeup choices make her look more like a pinup girl than a traditional, conservative wife.
A woman can wear whatever she wants, but it’s difficult to not see tradwives dressed like this and see it as fetishizing 1950s housewives. It looks and feels like some of these women are playing a part more than being themselves. Are men interested in a traditional wife or a sexy cook and maid?
Don’t get mad at me for asking the obvious questions. Even if we look at these tradwives in the best possible light, there is something missing. It’s not right.
Is #Tradwife Biblical?
Short answer: no. Tradwife content targets Christian women the same way MLMs do. False promises. Your marriage and children will be perfect if you wear this, do that, cook those… Girl, Jesus doesn’t need your sourdough to bless your marriage. He doesn’t need you to stay home or look a certain way, either.
I stay home and homeschool my kids. God is in my marriage and with our family. That doesn’t mean women who work and send their kids to public school are less than me. If they are Christians, then the Lord is with their families, too. We don’t need to unlock a spiritual connection with chores and baking.
Christian Tradwives
The world has gotten a hold of biblical marriage and complementarianism, and it has turned them into some hollowed out version of God’s design. You might know some of the social media influencers are, in fact, Christian, and I agree some are. Statistically, that would almost have to be true. But let’s return to our friends Williams and Neeleman. They both actually seem to be very sweet women, but are these great Christian examples?
Well, Neeleman is a member of the LDS Church, so we already know that she isn’t a born-again Christian. As for Williams, I don’t know. She says she’s a Baptist, but she was calling herself a tradwife before getting married and indicated she shared a home with her fiancé prior to marriage. If that were true, I’d advise against looking to her for input in your Christian life.
Maybe she didn’t live with her husband before marriage, but she went out of her way to call herself a tradwife before getting married and showing us her delicious dinners. How a Christian presents herself matters a great deal, and this makes her fall short of a strong Christian example. I know it seems nitpicky, but our testimony is how we show others around us how Christ has changed us and saved us from our sin. Speaking of Jesus…
What About Jesus?
At the heart of tradwife culture I see a focus on self, conservativism, and lifestyle. Being a traditional wife is fine, but start by being a biblical one. Your identity is in Jesus, not in where you work and what you cook. If being a biblical wife meant being one of these #tradwives, then the only biblical wives would be American or perhaps Western.
Like any trend pushed on Christian women, ladies have gone all in to get a bit closer to God and prove their faith. Yet, all we need to do is walk in obedience to Him. Why add more?
The tradwife trend isn’t inherently a problem. In fact, it’s based on some strong Bible truths, but the focus is on the wrong things. I suspect a great deal of #tradwife comes from Titus 2.
“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
Titus 2:3-5
Yes, a traditional wife can be seen in these verses, but some tradwives are missing the point. Why are we called to be good wives and care for the home? It’s not simply to be good wives for that reason alone. We do it in service to the Lord. We serve in our homes because we love Jesus and want to be obedient followers of Christ. Being a biblically traditional wife is to serve Jesus through our homemaking.
Final Thought
I’m surprised by where I have landed on the tradwife movement. Initially, I loved the idea of homemakers presenting themselves in a positive light on social media, but I became less enamored with the idea the more content I viewed.
I know that I can support the idea of homemaking as a woman’s “profession.” But true traditional Christian wives and the social media tradwives are often very different. Many of these influencers are characterized by monetization, fetishizing a historical period of time, creating gender roles that are too black and white, misrepresenting who they are and what they claim to be, setting a bar for women so high even they themselves can’t reach it, and a Christian faith that would be absolutely invisible if not for the occasional nod to a verse that supports their lifestyle.
If you want to be a tradwife, go for it, but don’t emulate these women who are ultimately out to entertain and make a buck. Emulate Jesus, Christian, because that is the only way to be the woman your husband needs. No vintage dress, vegetable garden, baked good, or folded basket of laundry is going to make you a biblical wife. All that is just fine, but our measuring stick as a wife can’t be those things. Without Christ at the center of it all, our tradwife life means nothing.
What do you think about tradwives? Have they impacted your home?
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