Homeschool Mom Problems: Get A Life

“What do you do for fun?” I’ve heard that countless times over the years when I’m meeting someone new. My response is typically a glazed over stare and an uncomfortable giggle. Nowadays, my main hobby is chasing the eight ball. In fact, a few nights ago I enjoyed an evening of grading until 1:30 A.M. Oh, how easy it is to allow my identity as a homeschool mom to take over every aspect of my day! As much as I love to homeschool my kids, I know it can’t be everything. Ladies, we have some major homeschool mom problems, and a lot of them make me think we need to get a life.

Not What I Expected

One of the perks of homeschooling is the ability to create your own schedule. As someone with an internal clock that functions best on second shift, I find this highly appealing. We do what we want when we want, and it’s often in our pajamas.

With a free schedule, I assumed meeting up with other homeschool families would be natural. It turns out that is a big, fat nope. Mom meet-ups, play dates, field trips, and co-ops make sense for homeschool families, but quite often homeschool moms don’t commit to these things.

Maybe these moms are busy with hobbies? Some are, but most of them just give me the same deer-in-headlights stare that I do when asked about their personal hobbies and interests. Sometimes it makes me want to scream, “We need to get a life!”

Why We Need To Get A Life

No human being is just one thing, and reducing our existence down to school activity is not good for our mental or physical health. Anecdotally, I can say the women I have met who live to homeschool…the end…are more likely to have anxiety, feel depressed, experience burnout, and seriously struggle when their children move away.

In addition, children in homes that don’t offer opportunities to investigate new interests and experiences often grow into adults who resent their childhood or who limit themselves and their own children. Much like the Christian bubble, these kids are raised in a homeschool bubble.

The best way to raise kids who are curious and develop into three-dimensional people with passions and interests is to model that yourself. Be a mom who loves to homeschool, cook, clean, etc., but also pursue other loves. Embrace singing, art, crochet, Star Wars fan fiction, guitar… Whatever you love or want to explore can coexist with your role as homeschool mom, but how?

Homeschool Mom Problems That Keep Us From More

No rule exists stating that all homeschool moms must run their homes and lives in exactly the same way. Isn’t the freedom to accommodate our routines to our personal lifestyles part of the appeal of homeschooling? However, many of us end up making the same choices that negatively affect our homeschools, personal lives, and health.

Homeschool moms, sometimes we make our homeschool identity all the identity we have. Sure, we might combine the homeschool portion of ourselves with the homemaker, but we can really shortchange ourselves and even devalue our own well-being when we do this. You see, it isn’t that being a homemaker or homeschool mom isn’t enough of a life. Instead, the problem is when our focus on being a homeschooler sets limitations on our lives and our children’s lives that ultimately result in a negative impact.

So, what are we doing that might hurt us more than help us? I’m glad you asked! Read below and see if you are making any of these common homeschool mom mistakes that minimize our lives rather than expand them.

Homeschool Mom Problems: Being Too Busy

When I think of public-school families, I imagine the conflicting schedules, practices, rushed mornings, homework assignments… In other words, I picture a very busy life crammed with more to do than hours to do complete it all. My husband and I envisioned a life free from hustle and bustle when we started homeschooling. Our schedule would have less in it than families we knew. Busyness would not define us.

Fast forward thirteen years, and we are busy. Very busy. Apparently, pastors work more than one day a week. Who knew? (I seriously hope you know that’s a joke…) Despite our full calendar, though, we are still significantly less busy than many others, and it makes life manageable.

I’m able to take breaks from school when I need them even if I hadn’t planned on them. February, anyone? Also, leaving margin in our family calendar allows us to be spontaneous or accept invitations we would otherwise need to decline.

I thought most homeschool moms would operate in a similar fashion, but I have learned that many cram each day with commitments. There’s no breathing room, and these moms have no space in their lives for anything other than homeschool requirements.

Your life cannot hold anything other than homeschooling if you don’t leave room for anything else.

Homeschool Mom Problems: An Unyielding Schedule

The busy homeschool moms often also have an unyielding schedule. Time and again I hear homeschool moms repeat the promise of “flexibility” to new and potential homeschoolers. By this point in my homeschool life, I have to hold back laughter when I hear this because most homeschool moms I know don’t live a flexible life.

I spent several lonely years as a new homeschool mom because the moms I knew couldn’t be moved from their set-in-stone schedule that they themselves created.

Me: “I’m planning on going to the aquarium in a couple of weeks because they have discounted admission for homeschoolers Monday through Thursday. Would your family like to join us?”

Scheduled Mom: “(frowns) That sounds fun, but we have to keep up with our math and science. If we go, then we’ll miss a day of school. I could make it up on Saturday, but I clean the house on Saturdays. It looks like we just don’t have the time.”

Understandably, there are times you need to stay on track. I focus hard on keeping to the schedule when we have a break coming up or have another planned outing. I get it. Really. But some of y’all live as if math must be completed by 11:00 A.M. or the police are coming to take your kids away. Live a little, and don’t be a slave to the schedule. Get a life, and let your kids have one, too.

Homeschool Mom Problems: Academics And Academics Alone

I was a straight A student, and my school performance mattered very too much to me. I wanted to get into college, earn a degree, have a career thanks to that degree, and ride off into the sunset with my academic achievements. Well, I did all of that. I want to say that none of it mattered, but that would be a lie. Some of my favorite memories are from academic successes, but even in those memories I would say there was more than academics making them great memories.

The people, relationships, and experiences in my life are what made the memories of my academic achievements so dear to me. The people I shared those times with were from other aspects of my life. They were family members and friends who built relationships with me while experiencing other things. Academics are great, but they aren’t a life.

Homeschool moms who treat each day like SAT prep are robbing themselves (and their children) from character-building, memory-making, relationship-strengthening experiences. We all need more than work. Work isn’t all there is to life. It’s just work.

Homeschool Mom Problems: Money Is For School And Household Only

Tell me I’m not the only one who does this. If I receive a gift card or cash as a gift, I’ll usually find a way to use it for my kids, husband, or the household, in general. It drives my husband nuts because he wants me to feel comfortable spending money on myself. Usually, I just feel selfish.

Most homeschool moms I’ve met have sacrificed a lot. Many gave up careers, hobbies, larger homes, new cars, and alone time. Not to mention, living on one income can mean relying on ingenuity and a lot of cooking from scratch to make ends meet. With all that sacrifice, why not use a $40 gift card from Amazon for your son’s new math curriculum supplement? It really doesn’t matter. But it does.

Maybe we have devalued ourselves over the years. Perhaps we don’t feel like our needs or wants can ever take first place. Read this as many times as you need for it to sink in. Taking care of your needs and occasionally treating yourself is not selfish. It’s all right to spend money on yourself, too.

This issue is still a struggle for me, but I am trying to remember that my husband doesn’t want me to always do without so the rest of the family can have more. And homeschooling doesn’t mean I can only buy something for myself once we have all our school needs purchased. If that were true, then I’d not buy anything for myself until 2039!

As high a priority as our homeschools are, we still ought to prioritize ourselves, as well.

Homeschool Mom Problems: Teacher Mode Has No Off Button

A lot of homeschool moms say something like, “We are always homeschooling because life is filled with constant learning.” I agree, and that sentiment is not the same as a mom who never turns off her teacher mode.

A homeschool mom who is almost always in teacher mode is easy to spot. Everything her family does must be a learning experience. She tends to micromanage everything her kids do, and her main method of communication is correction. I definitely have days like these, but some moms can’t seem to help themselves and are like this almost all the time.

These homeschool moms also never call it quits for the day. I have to own this because I usually have school to grade after my children go to bed. (I can’t stand this and am working on making this less common.) Recently, I spent the entire evening grading assignments I hadn’t gotten to because I had been out all day. My husband and I sat in the same room while I sighed heavily at every correction I made. He eventually went to bed while I continued to grade, and I groggily crawled into bed after one in the morning.

Thankfully, that’s not my everyday experience with homeschool, but I know some of you burn the midnight oil wearing your teacher hat. Ladies, know when to put a pin in it and do something else. Open some time in your day to be a friend, mother, and wife. Speaking of which…

Homeschool Mom Problems: Neglecting Your Husband

Remember that guy with whom you made all those homeschool kids? Yeah, he’s still around, and I hear he’d like to schedule an appointment to see you sometime.

Oh, marriage. We fall in love, get married, and create a lovely routine with each other. Then, kids come along, and that routine is no more. Not to mention, intimacy can become an unexpected challenge. Making time for each other might actually take effort with kids in the home! And forget about physical intimacy. What about just some time to talk and do something fun without your children? Too many homeschool moms (too many moms in general, really) make their husbands second-class citizens in the home and prioritize the children over their husbands.

The risk to homeschool moms in this area seems greater due to the significantly longer amount of time they spend with their kids. Homeschooling, when it’s your whole identity, can create a wide divide between husband and wife. Careful with this one, homeschool moms. Your husband was there first and he’ll be there after your kids move out. You have cleaved with this man and become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). In this world, he is the most important relationship you have.

You Have Homeschool Problems: Now What?

After reading about some potential problems you have in your approach to homeschooling, you might be unsure of what to do next. But this is the best part, in my opinion. The sky is the limit.

All the problems I mentioned relate to the same thing. We get too focused on homeschooling and shut out the rest of life. Don’t misunderstand me, please. I love homeschooling. It’s a huge part of my life and the life of my children. On the other hand, when all of myself was poured out into that one facet of my life, I had nothing left for my kids or me.

Get A Life By Finding Something For You

What did you love to do before having kids? Is there something you’ve been wanting to explore but haven’t because you were too busy or scared to try? This is the time. Pursue a passion, learn a language, take a class, or pick up something you left behind years ago. I can’t tell you what to do because this is about you. Yes, I know that can sound strange to a homeschool mom but think about yourself for a minute here.

Personally, I indulge in time with friends like I haven’t in the past. Three of my children take piano lessons from a friend of mine. Although these are legitimate lessons, we also turn them into a social call. In addition, I try to have a ladies’ day with some friends a few times a year. We go out to eat, shop, chat, and basically spend the whole day away from our homes. It’s a fun day away to relax and connect with friends. I return home feeling refreshed and encouraged.

The biggest thing I’ve done for me is start this blog. It takes up my time and energy. It also costs money. However, it allows me to have a creative outlet, and I genuinely enjoy it. I think it makes me a better mother to my kids because I have something that is mine.

Help Your Kids Get A Life

Children need an education, but they need more than that. They’re learning about who they are, what interests them, and how the world works. That can’t all be done with your shiny new curriculum.

My kids have found that they like having something to look forward to. So, we try to plan small activities regularly and bigger family events as we can. Below are a few examples of things we do together.

Take a hike

Have a movie night

Complete special Advent activities as you approach Christmas (e.g. make cookies, have cocoa, sing Christmas carols)

Take music lessons

Go roller skating

Play at the park

Join a team

Volunteer

Go on a trip (May I suggest the Creation Museum or Ark Encounter?)

Most of those ideas are inexpensive and really more about time away from schoolwork and being together building relationships and memories as a family. These activities will also help foster new interests and provide opportunities for your kids to hone their skills.

What Is Your Real Identity?

You might be the best homeschool mom in the world, but that isn’t who you are. And although having a life outside of your homeschool is important, that’s not who you are either. Your identity, Christian, is in Christ.

You’re a new creation in Christ.

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

2 Corinthians 5:17

You are chosen, royal, and holy.

“But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;”

1 Peter 2:9

You are His workmanship.

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.”

Ephesians 2:10

You are a child of God.

“But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God,”

John 1:12 (ESV)

You have been made in God’s image.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”

Genesis 1:27

Final Thought

Nothing we do in this life is as important as who we are in the Lord. We can homeschool, minister at church, garden, sew… None of it matters as much as our relationship with Christ. As we look forward to the day we will be with Him face-to-face, we have a life to live here. Will you spend it being consumed by homeschooling, or will you try to live with a balance between education and really living life? Will you limit your life to what the curriculum tells you to do, or will you find new ways to grow and, hopefully, serve in your church and community?

What are you passionate about other than homeschooling? I’m always looking for ideas…

Image courtesy of Fuu J via Unsplash.