Homeschool Doubt: An Annual Tradition

Each new school year begins the same way. Social media is flooded with pictures of students on their first day back, and parents proudly proclaiming their plans for a great year to come. Each post on my Facebook feed leaves me feeling a little more deflated. You might be wondering why the same woman who told you her very thought-out reasons for homeschooling, questioned your “excuses” not to homeschool, and embraced the challenges that come with home education would feel deflated at the start of the public school year. I can’t say for sure why, but I encounter homeschool doubts every year. It’s my own little new school year tradition, if you want to put a silver lining on it… Join me as I process through my annual homeschool doubt. Again.

Homeschool Doubt #1: Am I Doing Enough?

Homeschool pioneers created the wheel for modern-day homeschooling. They fought the fight so that we could have the freedom to educate our children as we see fit and to protect them from influences we don’t want them to have. Those who followed in their footsteps made homeschool a business. I don’t mean that as a judgment, though. It’s such a blessing to have resources at my fingertips, and educational materials for every budget. However, there are so many choices that it can be overwhelming.

Walk through the vendor hall of any homeschool convention, and you can literally choose between a dozen different math curricula. In addition, they will all have something that you like that the others are missing. Then you will have a crazy thought. “Maybe I can use this curriculum for math and this one as a supplement. I don’t want my kids to miss out, after all.” Don’t entertain this thought. It’s a bad idea.

Public schoolers (unintentionally) add to the doubt as they show their children in every school-sponsored activity under the sun. I begin to look at my simple life, and I wonder if I am doing enough to fulfill my obligation as my children’s educator. Ironically, this is coming from the woman who wrote a blog post called, My Kids Aren’t Busy, And They Don’t Have To Be. Come September, I’m not so sure.

Refuting Doubt #1

No curriculum, school, activity, or teacher is perfect. Each child and family has individual needs and interests. Our family’s priorities are not going to align with everyone else. It’s OK to live life in a way that looks different. The questions I should ask myself are, “Am I obeying God and His will for my children’s education? Who am I doing this for?” As far as my homeschool doubt about doing enough compared to what everyone else is doing, I think of the following verse.

“And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;”

Colossians 3:23

Homeschool Doubt #2: Are They Keeping Up With Their Peers?

As I begin a new school year, I always look at the standards of each grade level used in public school. I don’t use it as a scope and sequence, but I do like to know how my curriculum is different than what the average public schooler is getting in class. I have had more than one “freak out” over the realization that we haven’t covered something the standards suggest all incoming students of a particular grade already know.

What was I doing when they were not learning that standard? I was taking field trips with them. We were diving into topics they wanted to know more about. Also, we were often covering subjects that kids in public school did not cover that year. But I sometimes get bogged down with the fear of “what if?” What if someone notices my children aren’t on the public-school track and report us? What if I need to put my kids into public school, and their education is not similar enough to the classroom expectation? The homeschool doubt repeats over and over again like a broken record. “What if? What if? What if?”

Refuting Doubt #2

First, the standard and the reality often don’t meet. I’ve worked with too many students who appeared to pass from one grade to the next thanks to protocol rather than merit. Second, who cares whether or not people are satisfied with how I run my homeschool? It isn’t about them. Our homeschool is about God and our family. Finally, the Lord does not call any of His children to live in fear.

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (emphasis mine)

Philippians 4:6-7

Homeschool Doubt #3: Am I Messing Them Up?

Every social media image of a happy public-school student and the proud mama sending him or her on the bus drives home the certainty that my family does things a little differently. (To say the very least.) I don’t want them to look back and wish they hadn’t missed things that seem to be universal American experiences. My children notice their life is not typical, and I sometimes wonder if I am scarring them for life.

The backlash from purity culture and the fallout from the Duggar family come to mind. I’m not involved with either of these things, but I believe the families that were involved had sincerely good intentions. Obviously, though, something went wrong and many people are paying the sobering consequences for those mistakes. It makes me question if it is better safer to just do school like everyone else.

Refuting Doubt #3

Not everything that is different will turn out to be scandalous or harmful. In fact, I would argue that God wants us to stay weird in comparison to how the world operates. Not to mention, what eternal significance is there in the milestones of American life? If a kid misses prom, will he never succeed as an adult? Are my children missing out on anything of great importance because they don’t have to sit in a classroom of thirty students to learn history? Things of this world are not what I want my children to seek after. Our focus is elsewhere.

“Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.”

Colossians 3:2

Homeschool Doubt #4: Am I Smart Enough?

I think this might be the most common homeschool doubt of them all. Homeschool parents question themselves, but this is also the inquiry we receive most often. (Well, people are obsessed with socialization, too.) I have a master’s degree and experience in public schools. My experience was primarily on the special education end of things. My husband, before becoming a pastor, was a special education teacher. We know stuff, but do we know enough?

Just this weekend, my stepmom asked me a well-intentioned question. After filling her in on the school year so far, she asked me, “Do you plan to do this through high school?” I told her I do plan on it, but I understand life can change plans. She furrowed her brow and asked, “So, you’re going to teach Calculus and Physics?” It was a real question, and I think it was a fair one. Ya’ll, I’m not math whiz. Kindergarten is no sweat, but how will I teach math in high school?

Refuting Doubt #4

Thankfully, I don’t have to teach every subject. The rest of my conversation played out like this.

Me: (scared face) Oh, yeah… I’m not teaching those.

Step-mom: What if they have to take them?

Me: Then they will, but I won’t be their primary teacher. There are so many curriculum options out there. I can literally buy a DVD series or stream the subject with an instructor teaching the lessons. In that case, I would oversee and help locate needed resources.

Step-mom: Oh, well I guess they would have stuff like that now because of Covid.

She absolutely meant well and is simply not overly familiar with homeschooling. Her line of questioning, however, fed into my insecurity. Simultaneously, this conversation allowed me to remind myself that what I need is available to me when I need it, and I don’t have to worry about it now. God always has and always will supply my needs, and it will be in His timing no matter how much worry I put into it.

“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Matthew 6:34

Homeschool Doubt #5: Am I Hurting Our Relationship?

As a mother, I spend a great deal of time training and discipling my children. As a housewife, I have even more time available to correct. Homeschooling, though, adds a whole new dimension. I teach academics, correct assignments, correct behavior during our lessons, teach home/living skills, correct disobedience, referee the sibling arguments, teach Bible truths, disciple, discipline, and generally engage all day long. Maybe it’s too much mom.

Personally, I need a break from my children every day for a little bit. Constant attention and focused engagement are exhausting to me. There’s five of them! I get tuckered out, and they need a break from me, too. The start of the year creates a lot of friction in my home. New schedules, new patterns, and more responsibilities add strain to the transition. Suddenly, in their opinion, I am demanding so much more, but I believe I’m simply asking for what is reasonable to expect of them.

Refuting Doubt #5

Kids need routine and consistency. I am home a lot, and that affords them plenty of routine and consistency every day. We butt heads at times, but my children and I are actually forming a tight bond and trust. My oldest, who is eleven, is beginning to display fruit from the time we have put into our relationship. She knows I will discipline her when needed, but she still comes to me when that may be the case. She feels safe with me, and she wants us to have a healthy and God-honoring relationship.

So long as the parenting and teaching are based on biblical principles, then we can grow a healthy relationship even if discipline is part of that equation. The idea that kids can spend too much time with their parents is yet another lie pushed on us by an increasingly anti-family culture. And who better to invest in my children and take on the role of teacher and disciplinarian than me (and their father)? I am watching us grow and deepen our relationship over the years, and I believe homeschooling plays a large role in that.

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Proverbs 22:6

Homeschool Doubt #6: Are They Prepared For The Future?

A common critique I hear is that homeschoolers are overprotected. All right. I admit that I protect my children from influences and people I don’t want them around, but am I harming them by doing that? That question pops up every year, and I have to consider what they need in order to be prepared for the future.

My kids don’t take a bus, manage a class schedule, navigate the cafeteria (aka: one of Dante’s lesser-known circles of hell), or encounter many situations in which they feel like they need to make a difficult decision alone. Those circumstances are undoubtedly growing opportunities. So, am I robbing them of the chance to learn how to function as a grown-up and independent of me?

Refuting Doubt #6

My kids do miss out on some of those common situations that kids get into or are faced with as public-school students. On the other hand, they have their own opportunities for growth in a safe environment with parental input, as needed. As they grow, my husband and I give them more freedom and chances to make mistakes. But the mistakes we allow them to make are age-appropriate and do not create lifelong consequences.

We are training them to be decent people and to know the Lord. We give them the academics, but we don’t leave out the practical lessons in life, either. My kids will leave this home ready to take care of themselves and to know what they believe and why. Therefore, when my kids are faced with real challenges and decisions that carry weighty consequences, then they will be armed with the knowledge they need to make a wise choice. Will they make the wise choice? Who can say? They’ll have the tools and the knowledge to, but we all choose the foolish path at times. All a parent can do is prepare her children for what is to come, and I don’t need a teacher or government-run educational system to do that.

“My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck.”

Proverbs 1:8-9

Final Thought

No homeschooler escapes the doubts that come with the territory. The newbies, the veterans, and the loud-mouthed homeschool advocates like myself all succumb to insecurity and doubt at some point. We can let it bring us down, or we can use it as an opportunity to fine-tune our reasons to homeschool and remind ourselves why those doubts and self-critical thoughts have no place in our homes.

Let other families rejoice in their school choices without it being a negative commentary on your choices. Be thankful that God has called you to salvation and guides you through the homeschool adventure. I’ll leave you with the Scripture I think about whenever I feel doubt creeping in.

“Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away. Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. For the Lord knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish.”

Psalm 1

Are you having any doubts this year? Tell me about it!

Image courtesy of Element5 Digital via Unsplash.