Am I Different Now That I’m Born Again?

I recently shared the testimony of my salvation (aka: being born again) on social media. If you haven’t seen it, you can read it HERE. (Or read the long version) For now, suffice it to say, I repented of my sin and turned to Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior on a sunny Sunday afternoon on May 3, 2009. It was hands-down the best day of my life, and I often refer to it because it was the most important day of my life, as well.

I, along with many other Christians, describe myself as a new creature in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). The person I am today is completely incompatible with who I used to be. I thought that, in celebration of my spiritual birthday, I’d dive into what changed for me when I finally became a Christian.

Drinking

Let’s start with the thing that gets everyone upset. Alcohol. I drank a lot before I was saved. Like, a lot. Was I an alcoholic? I would say I was not an alcoholic…yet, but there was no question that I had a problem. I drank because I craved it sometimes. Also, I legitimately liked the taste of various drinks.

Another draw to alcohol was my anxiety. I’m an anxious person who has struggled with my mental health as long as I can remember. Alcohol settled me down, quieted the hateful self-talk in my mind, and it made me feel confident. Along those lines, I believed that people liked me more when I was drinking. I lit up and became the life of the party. Anything could come out of my mouth, and I was up for almost any challenge. Without alcohol, however, I was much shier and more reserved.

Consequently, I spent more nights a week buzzed or drunk than sober.

Jesus Took It Away

I tried drinking three times after I got saved. I was at home each time, and after a sip I would lose interest and dump it out. The third time I simply dumped it all out because I felt personally convicted to stop drinking.

The Lord, as I often describe it, just took away my taste for it. I know it’s not like that for everyone, and I understand that many Christians take the liberty to enjoy alcohol in moderation. This is not a condemnation of those people, rather, it is my story of Jesus showing me an area of sin in my life (i.e., alcohol abuse, drunkenness) and removing my desire for it as I grew closer to Him.

Smoking

I smoked a lot, too. Usually my preferred brand was whatever the guy I liked was smoking. I smoked most when I drank, but I smoked plenty sober, as well. The smell, taste, and cost made me want to quit. Not to mention, I felt terrible all the time, but I couldn’t stop. Then, even before I gave up alcohol, I felt convicted to stop smoking.

I prayed for salvation outdoors in a very public place. My cigarettes were with me, of course, and I reached for my pack of Marlboro Lights moments after praying to Jesus. I pulled them out of my purse, got up, began walking to my car, and threw the pack and lighter into the nearest trash can. Again, I know that isn’t everyone’s story, but I’m so thankful God showed me how big He is so early in my walk with Him because I had some hard times ahead of me. These experiences helped me trust Him when things got tough.

So, Jesus Made You Follow Rules?

At this point you might be thinking to yourself that my life with Christ is just a list of things I don’t do anymore. I get it. I literally started this post with a couple of things I don’t do anymore. So… Here’s the thing. Those two behaviors were “classic Julie.” People who met me would see a baby-faced young woman with an infectious laugh. Then, I would speak like a trucker, chain-smoke, and drink until I couldn’t stand. I could not be separated from those actions. Drinking and smoking were a couple of my defining characteristics.

Imagine how startling it must have been for the people in my life when I didn’t drink, smoke, or cuss any longer! Praise the Lord, though, that my growth in my faith didn’t stop with a “Don’t List.”

Love

People take offense to the idea that one cannot truly love without Christ. Too bad. It’s true. (Kind of…) Yes, we can love, but that love is lacking with the absence of Jesus. Of course, I loved before I was a Christian, but the fullness of my love after accepting Christ made my previous ability to love look pitiful. Selfish. Empty.

My first pastor and I were talking about spiritual gifts not long after I got saved. I was afraid I didn’t have any. He assured me I did, but he also told me that all Christians will get at least one. Love. I thought he sounded absurd, but I came to agree with him over time.

Love In The Scriptures

At the end of the “love chapter” in the Bible you see a big statement on love. First Corinthians 13:13, “And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.” (Charity is King James speak for “love.”)

Jesus told his disciples in John 13:34-35, “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”

John 15:12-14 says, “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.”

The Lord reminds us over and over of the importance of love. It is how the world will know His people. It is why we respond to His commands with obedience. Love is the driving force behind telling others about Jesus. True love, the kind of love Jesus displayed at the cross, was missing from my life until salvation.

I’m not perfect, so my every response in life is not the picture of love. However, love indwells me, and so much more often I respond with it than I ever did before. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what is different, but there’s a softness that never existed in me before Him. A willingness to give sacrificially of myself for others. Ya’ll, that isn’t me. That has Jesus written all over it.

Forgiveness

I had a difficult time forgiving. If someone hurt me, I pushed them away and harbored bitterness. I did this with friends, but I also did this to my father after he moved out and with my mother. My mom and I have a complicated story. You can read a bit about her HERE and HERE.  

After becoming a Christian, my heart quickly began to soften. For one, that love I just mentioned had begun creeping into me and touching everything in which I was involved. Suddenly, people I was once angry at were just people who needed Jesus and His love as much as me. How could I hold anger against someone once I understood we were the same? Besides, my anger wouldn’t glorify God, anyway.

Second, God had forgiven me completely and sacrificed His only Son in order to make that forgiveness and reconciliation possible. So, then could my response really be to not forgive someone because they had hurt my feelings? Ephesians 4:31-32 advises us on forgiveness. “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

Peace

As an anxious woman by nature, peace does not come naturally to me. If left to my own devices, then I will be the embodiment of nervous energy. When someone asks what can go wrong, I have a plethora of ideas. But God…

After becoming a Christian I really began to realize how much I depended on myself. To me, every outcome was my responsibility whether or not it really was mine. As I learned to trust God, the One who created everything and saw fit to save me, I was able to rest in the knowledge that He loved me and would be with me no matter the circumstance. Therefore, I no longer needed to control every little thing. (Though, sometimes I still try.)

As I prayed more and poured out my concerns to the Lord, I began to be concerned less. Once I told Him what worried me, I knew I didn’t have to carry that burden anymore. It reminds me of Philippians 4:6-7. “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Joy

Joy doesn’t mean happy. Some Christians try to correct others when they have “negative” emotions. We’re human and will experience a roller coaster of emotions, sometimes on the same day. As Christians we ought to be known as joyful people, but that doesn’t mean we are always happy.

So, what is joy? Biblically, it is reacting to our circumstances in life with contentment, peace, and satisfaction because we know God is doing a work in our lives through those circumstances. For example, I was ultimately able to experience joy in the Lord while having a first trimester pregnancy loss. I can’t even begin to put into words the devastation I felt when that pregnancy ended. It’s a pain many women know intimately but rarely speak about. Sometimes a hurt is so big it leaves us speechless. However, I also had an inner joy in knowing that God was still working out His plans in my life.

I don’t know all that He was doing with that struggle. However, I know that I have been able to share Christ with other women through that experience. I also know that I have an amazing daughter who would never have been born had it not been for my failed pregnancy. For those things I am thankful and have joy in my Lord as He works things out for good (Romans 8:28). But, no, I wouldn’t for one moment suggest I have ever felt happy about what happened.

James 1:2-4 says, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (ESV)

Well, James, that’s crazy! Rejoice in trials? Have joy in difficult seasons? That would have been bonkers to me until I knew Jesus as Savior. Now, it makes more sense to me than any other reaction.

Final Thought

I could have gone on with so many more things that Christ has changed in my life and in me. These, though, seem like the most impactful. I fall short a lot, and I have definitely made mistakes along the way. But when I look at that 26-year-old woman headed down a path that could only destroy her, I have nothing but thankfulness and awe that God would rescue me from my own wretchedness.

Not everyone’s story and sanctification process will look like mine. We’re all in different spots in our spiritual growth. However, it’s healthy to check in on ourselves here and again and determine if we’re growing spiritually.

If you believe you know Jesus but can’t see a difference in yourself over time that shows a movement toward Christ’s likeness, I suggest you think about why that may be. Maybe you just need to reach out to someone who can disciple you and help you grow. On the other hand, it might be that you never really had a born again experience. There is no shame in that, and now is the best time to set that right.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.”

John 3:16-18

Testimony time! Share your testimony of salvation or how God has changed your life. I’d love to hear it.

Image courtesy of Olivia Snow via Unsplash.