6 Homeschool Lessons I’ve Learned Over The Last 12 Years

My twelfth year of homeschooling has wrapped up, and I’m looking back over the last year to determine what went well and what needs to be retooled. After all this time, some of you might think I should be an expert homeschool mom. Sometimes I feel that way, too. Shouldn’t I have learned it all by now? Well, if you talk to nearly any homeschool mom, you’ll quickly discover they’re all still learning how to optimize the homeschool experience. Some days, they’re just trying to survive it. As of today, I have children ranging from an incoming ninth grader all the way to down to a kindergarten graduate, and I’m still figuring it out. Let’s look at six homeschool lessons I’ve learned or relearned this year.

Look For The Homeschool Lessons Every Year

Once the school year is over, it’s so easy to forget about it and move on with the logistics for next year. And, man alive, are there plenty of those things to plan! However, taking time to investigate the previous year is essential for success. Ending on a bad note may lead a homeschool mom to quit. On the other hand, ending well can leave a family with an overly optimistic view of the year. Just be realistic.

No school year will be perfect, but none will be a complete failure, either. We can learn from our experiences and tailor the next school year to better suit our families. The following homeschool lessons are reminders and encouragements to help you (and me) tackle next year with confidence and enthusiasm.

Homeschool Lessons To Keep In Mind In The Future

Homeschool Lesson #1: Things Do Get Better

If you’ve homeschooled for more than a week, then you probably know that things don’t always go well. In fact, some of us have had years of struggle as we homeschool. Specifically, I’m referring to learning challenges, attitudes, difficult schedules, etc. If the issue is something such as money or a spouse who won’t allow you to homeschool, then that’s a more complicated and marriage-related concern.

An example from my own life took place a couple of years ago. One of my children has been difficult to teach from the very beginning. This child is intelligent and capable, but this child also detested doing unpreferred things. Welcome to the rest of your life, kid. Am I right?

This student was particularly difficult to teach math to and would cry, become easily frustrated, and often offer insensible answers. For example, an addition problem might result in a frustrated bellow, “Orange!”

This struggle was constant, but the intensity would ebb and flow. I honestly thought we had moved on several times before school would inevitably feel like a battle again. My husband and I used every method we could think of to reach this child, but any improvement we saw only lasted a short while.

I Was Over It

Finally, a couple of years ago, I tearfully told my husband that I couldn’t teach that child, and I planned on pursuing mid-year enrollment in our local school district. Even the thought of this made me sick to my stomach because of how strongly I oppose public school and believe in homeschooling. Sadly, even a homeschool advocate such as myself can struggle and have doubts.

So, I researched what I needed to do to enroll my child, and I tried to convince myself that this was the best thing I could do as a mother. Then, I confided in a friend because I was so torn about this decision. I couldn’t stomach the idea of sending my child to public school, but I also felt like I was failing.

But I Kept With It

My friend’s reaction was all I needed to pull me back to reality. She looked grief-stricken and slightly horrified. This friend is always careful with her words, and she works hard not to offend. In this case, she spoke quickly and decisively. “Julie, no.”

I finished the school year, and my child and I continued to run into struggles. The next year was noticeably improved, but we still had several periods of time that made school tearful and seemingly unbearable. This year, however, my child appears to have turned a page. Even with five children, we just completed the easiest year we’ve ever had. Time, experience, and maturity finally kicked in, and I can’t wait to see how this student does next year.

We’ve struggled with this child and occasionally questioned our decision to homeschool, but my husband and I have been able to continue through prayer, various sources of encouragement, and support from other homeschoolers.

This is only one example from my life. I could share more, and I’m certain every homeschool mom has some stories of her own. Thankfully, in most cases, things do get better.

Homeschool Lesson #2: Actively Choose Your Own Curriculum

Women in homeschool groups on Facebook ask for curriculum recommendations every day. And each day these women receive a list of essentially every curriculum in existence. Then, ladies defend their curriculum choices with fervor and sometimes put opposing suggestions down. I have lost count of how many times someone has referred to another person’s favorite curriculum as “not enough” for a full education. Says whom?

I don’t love every curriculum option out there. Some of them are lacking, in my opinion. Others are too much curriculum for my taste. I also will not purchase or knowingly use a curriculum from a publisher working through an unbiblical “Christian” church such as the Good and the Beautiful. All of these opinions and decisions, though, have to do with my family’s needs, preferences, and convictions.

Parents are tasked with the immense responsibility of providing their children’s education (Deuteronomy 6:6-7, 11:18-21; Proverbs 22:6). Therefore, no one except those parents are in charge of those decisions. Accept advice and counsel, but don’t choose a curriculum because someone else told you it’s the best. It’s the best for that family, perhaps, but what do you need?

Don’t Be Fooled

I feel compelled to add a quick word of advice, as well. Don’t be fooled by popularity or price. Being the most popular doesn’t make it the best. In fact, some of the most popular homeschool curricula available is essentially written for a classroom and then has “homeschool” splattered across the advertising. That might work for you, but it also might not be the style you find works best. As for price, it’s easy to have a premium price tag when you’re publisher is attached to highly respected and attended universities…

Don’t turn your nose up to free resources (i.e., Easy Peasy All-in-One Homeschool) or lesser-known publishers. They might be the right fit for you and your children. Check out Cathy Duffy Reviews to determine your teaching style and to read about all kinds of curriculum options.

Whatever you choose, make it your own thoughtful decision rather than going with what people tell you to do. Consider this to be a bonus homeschool lesson: You are in charge of your homeschool. So, take charge!

Homeschool Lesson #3: Kids’ Buy-In Helps

I often hear a lot of moms struggle with their children’s desire to go to public school. They want to go back to what they know, or they want to try it because they think the grass is greener. This is perfectly normal. It’s also not their decision to make. One of the biggest mistakes I think homeschool moms make is to put their children in charge of their own education. They need parental guidance because, despite their best efforts, kids will more often than not make choices for short-term gratification instead of for their ultimate good.

All that said, I can’t stress enough how much it helps for the kids to have buy-in regarding homeschool. If they believe in it, you’ll have much less negativity and struggle on a regular basis. Oh, you’ll have those things, but with legitimate buy-in, there will be less of it.

My kids, so far, are an example of successful buy-in. Even the child I described earlier, who fought against me and schoolwork, has almost always had buy-in. All my children, that one included, have stated multiple times that they have no interest in another form of education. They have come to understand the benefits outweigh the negatives. So, even during a difficult day, we all know that we’re on the same team.

Getting The Buy-In

How can we make this happen? I wish there were a pamphlet entitled 3 Easy Steps to Homeschool Buy-In, but there isn’t. In the end, you need to know your child and what matters to him. You also need to openly acknowledge that homeschool often means giving up some things. Honesty goes a long way.

My kids and I have frequent conversations about what we are doing and why. Do you have a why? Does your child care about that why? Our biggest reason for homeschooling has to do with our faith in Jesus Christ. If I had a child who didn’t care about that reason, I’d probably focus on the underlying issue. My child’s biggest concern wouldn’t be homeschool. It would be his relationship with Jesus.

Consider whether or not your children understand why you homeschool, and get their input on what would make homeschool something they appreciate. You might find their suggestions are reasonable and a good fit for your homeschool approach.

Homeschool Lesson #4: You’re Not Competing With Others

“Homeschoolers score higher on standardized tests than public school students.”

“Because we homeschool, my daughter graduated high school two years early.”

“My son is taking dual enrollment classes and will have two years of college completed by the end of his senior year of high school.”

“Of course my kids are going to *expensive, well-known Christian college.* That school loves homeschoolers, and my kids have always known they would attend that college.”

These statements aren’t inherently bad. If you’ve said them, that’s fine. On the other hand, they aren’t always helpful. Did you know that not all homeschool students will attend college? Many won’t take college courses in high school or graduate early. Also, despite the messaging, plenty of homeschoolers are average students.

We have unintentionally created a dangerously competitive community, homeschool moms. I suspect some of us are trying to prove homeschooling was a good choice. Maybe we want to show the critics that they should take us seriously. I understand that line of thinking, and I have fallen prey to it at times. Meanwhile, I’ve had homeschool moms question my elementary aged child’s career plans, and my daughter’s piano lessons received criticism because she wasn’t learning more than one instrument. She was eight years old.

What Is Homeschooling For?

Homeschooling is not a competition between families. It is meant for parents to have full control over their children’s education, allow for more time to together as a family, and to disciple those children in the Lord. Frankly, if your child graduates from Harvard, speaks fluently in three languages, and plays four instruments yet doesn’t know the Lord, then I wouldn’t be bragging about your successful homeschool. Results-driven homeschooling isn’t helpful because the accomplishments I mentioned don’t matter in comparison to a relationship with Jesus, and homeschooling “results” don’t guarantee a child will accept the Lord.

Homeschooling is a wonderful tool to use when educating and discipling your children, but it’s not as effective or meaningful if you’re focusing on other families and comparing yourself and your children to them. Homeschool is not a cookie cutter endeavor. Results will be as varied as the people doing it. Allow for that, and keep your focus at home.

Homeschool Lesson #5: Not All Homeschoolers Are Homeschoolers

I don’t have a lot to say about this, but it’s something that has come up since Covid-19. Homeschooling, as a term, has been tossed around liberally after schools shut down for the pandemic. Suddenly, homeschool numbers increased, and homeschool veterans were thrilled at the perceived growth. As your friendly wet blanket, let me douse the flame a little.

Doing school at home is not necessarily homeschooling. So, if you know someone who “homeschools” by using another school’s curriculum, then that’s not homeschool. For example, kids who take classes through their public school at home are still public-school students.

Does This Matter?

It might. First, be familiar with your state’s homeschool laws. The law should be clear about who is and is not a homeschooler. Then, keep up with homeschool legislation in your state and nationally.

We want homeschool rights to continue and for government interference to be as limited as possible. When home-based education is conflated with homeschool, however, legislators have easier access to further homeschool regulation because the average citizen doesn’t see why the two shouldn’t be treated the same.

Regulation and government interference are exactly why I am vocal about my resistance to school choice. Everyone is taxed as usual, but the government then doles that money out for parents to use on private education if they so choose. All of a sudden, private school is literally being paid for by government funds which makes private schools government funded…which feels less like private school.

Homeschool is the next frontier for education legislation, and right now the school choice messaging is snowballing out of control. Check your state laws because some states don’t even have “homeschool” written in the law. They consider homeschools to be private schools. That was the case when I lived in Illinois. What might the implications be?

Although I just told you to keep your eyes on your own family, do consider staying informed about education legislation. Without our voices, the right to homeschool as we wish may be a fond memory.

Homeschool Lesson #6: Community Helps

As a lifelong loner, this homeschool lesson needs to be relearned. A lot. And I’m not the only one. Have you ever tried to get together with a homeschool mom? They’re always too busy or just slaves to their schedules. I, too, am busy and like a schedule. These things can’t get in the way of creating or joining a community of like-minded people, though.

We could delve into the controversial socialization conversation, but I’d rather not. The community helps I’m referring to are mostly for you, mom. Isn’t it nice to have other moms with whom you can spend time and relax? We can’t carry the burdens of motherhood, marriage, and homeschool alone, and another woman with those same cares and concerns can be the perfect person with whom to share them. But you’ll need to make time for this.

What about if you have questions? Is the absence of community why so many homeschool moms turn to Facebook for answers? Seriously, for every good response you get, you’ll get fifteen off-the-wall ones. People who know you personally, care about your family, and understand where you are coming from are the sounding boards and counselors you need.

Community doesn’t have to overtake your calendar, but allowing a small group of trusted women into your life can be the difference between being overwhelmed by homeschooling or flourishing in it.

Final Thought

Homeschool, amid all of the challenges, is absolutely worth it, but it’s unlikely you’ll ever feel as if you have it all figured out. Be encouraged, friend. You can do this, and every year you’re going to get a little better and feel more equipped than the year before. You just need to pay attention to the lessons along the way.

What have you learned through homeschooling, or what do you want to know?

Image courtesy of Debby Hudson via Unsplash.