10 Easy Ways To Encourage Others
Encouragers are an amazing breed to me. It seems to come so easy to them. Meanwhile, all I can come up with is a slow pat on the back and a quietly delivered, “There, there.” Is there hope for people like me who are not naturally the encouraging kind. I think so. God’s Word instructs us to encourage others, and if God tells us to do something, then we can. Let’s not jump into the deep end, fellow beginner encouragers. Instead, we should start with some easy ways to encourage those around us. Look at this as a beginner’s guide.
Why We Should Encourage Others
The first thing we should address is whether or not you even need to concern yourself with encouraging others. Why put in the effort if you don’t need to, am I right?
From a completely secular view, I’d say we can argue for encouragement. For one thing, encouraging others feels good. Witnessing someone’s mood improve because of your words or seeing them smile because of an encouraging deed is pretty amazing. Second, if we care about people, then we will be invested in seeing them encouraged. Finally, in this health-conscious society, I would be remiss to omit the potential health benefits. Yes, an improved mood and positive outlook are much more likely to lead to less depression and physical ailments that accompany a depressed mood such as joint pain, limb pain, gastrointestinal issues, fatigue, and appetite changes.
The Bible Tells Me So
Clearly, encouraging others makes practical sense, but it is also expected of Christians in the Bible. Even if encouragement doesn’t come naturally to you, you are meant to be an encourager. The Bible says, “Just do it, Julie!”
I’m paraphrasing, of course… Here are some examples of what God actually says in the Scriptures.
“Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words.”
1 Thessalonians 4:17-18 (ESV)
“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11 (ESV)
“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”
Ephesians 4:29
“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
Hebrews 10:24-25 (ESV)
“Let every one of us please his neighbour for his good to edification.”
Romans 15:2
How To Encourage Others When You Aren’t A Natural At It
Great, encouraging others makes logical sense and is biblical, but that doesn’t answer how to do it. Well, allow me to assure you that there are many ways to encourage people. In fact, every unique situation can have a unique way to build someone up. Below are ten beginner/basic ideas to get you started.
1. Encourage Others By Praying For Help
Prayer should be the first thing on every list for a Christian. I don’t always know what to say or do to be an encouragement, but the Lord always knows. Rather than charge in with my not-so-great ideas, I find that praying for guidance and opportunities to naturally encourage someone always works best.
2. Encourage Others By Praying For Them
Prayer again? Yes, prayer again. Pray for that person who needs encouragement. Do it privately and as often as the Holy Spirit leads you to. May I challenge you, though, to even pray with them? To some of us, and I’m definitely talking about myself here, it might feel strange or awkward to pray in front of others. On the other hand, hearing someone pray for me is a feeling I can’t quite put into words. (That’s fantastic, of course, because I’m putting everything into words here…) It’s comforting, encouraging, and makes me feel loved. Show someone you care enough to go before God and pray on their behalf. It’s special and may mean more than you could ever imagine.
3. Encourage Others By Being Encouraged Yourself
Are you a Debbie Downer who always sees the worst in everything? Is that glass half empty? Well, that might make encouraging others challenging. Frankly, your motives and words will all come across as a little suspicious if you don’t seem to be an encouraged person in your everyday life.
Think about the most encouraging people you know. The people who come to my mind are not always happy, but they nearly always bring a positive energy to the room. There is joy and love that exudes from these individuals, and others are drawn to them. Rarely, if ever, are the most encouraging people in your life going to be the ones who appear to need a heavy dose of it themselves.
For the record, everyone needs encouragement, even those natural encouragers. However, those who seem specifically discouraged all the time don’t make the best encouragers.
4. Encourage Others By Getting Off Your High Horse
One of the things I dislike about the tradwife movement is the unrelatability of it all. If they can do it, why can’t you? They don’t ask that question, but they certainly set up the idea that their lifestyles are attainable if you want it. Oh, and you should want it. For some, that content is enjoyable, but plenty of women feel defeated after seeing a beauty pageant queen play farmer with her perfect body, hair, children, and husband. You start to feel like they think they’re better than you, and that feeling is never an encouragement.
You might not be a pageant queen farmer with silky hair, but are you presenting an unrealistically perfect version of yourself? If so, you’re not helping. Be transparent about your struggles and experiences. Perhaps a lady at church is a season behind you in motherhood. Her kids are very young, and she calls her day a success if she gets to take a shower. You might not live that life anymore, but you might have a story to relate, right?
I’ve often told women who wrongly assume I have it all together that they caught me on a good day. Admittedly, I have more of those as my kids get older, but I have plenty of stories about crying in my sons’ room as I stare at the clothes flung all around and the poop smeared on the walls, carpet, and curtains. I survived it, and now I can belly laugh about those moments. But those were hard days, and I felt like a failure.
Taking yourself down a peg has an amazing effect on others. They won’t feel alone in whatever is going on in their lives, and it helps you appear approachable. You’re not perfect, and you do no one any favors by pretending that you are. Your social media “highlight reel” isn’t encouraging, but your true experiences with difficult situations can be if you relate them back to God’s provision and coming through on the other side.
5. Encourage Others By Telling Them How You’ve Seen God Work In Their Lives
Do you ever feel like every time you make spiritual progress in your life, you end up losing ground again? I do. I’ve written about some of my shortcomings as a wife and mother in the past, and one of my most embarrassing struggles has always been anger. As a mother I’ve discovered anger I didn’t know existed inside me. Thankfully, God is repairing what’s broken in me that leads to anger, but it’s a process, you guys. Sanctification doesn’t happen overnight.
Although I’m so much more patient and calm than I’ve ever been, I haven’t reached perfection. I’ll surprise myself by raising my voice at my children in anger after going a very long time not even feeling an inkling of that impulse within me.
Shame. Immediately I’m convinced in those moments that I’m unchanged and a disappointment. God may as well turn His back on me because I’m such a lost cause. But then I remember who I once was and how far away I am from that woman. That kind of reminder from another person is such a boost of encouragement. I might feel discouraged and unable to see what God is doing in me at the moment, but it’s amazing to know other people see spiritual growth.
Be that reminder for someone. She might not even be in need of the encouragement at that moment, but she’ll have it to look back on when she feels low. You know, we think these things often about others but don’t say them. Let’s say them. Seriously, what good does my encouragement do if it stays isolated in my own mind?
6. Encourage Others By Being Patient
I’m teaching my fifth child how to read. Each and every time has been fabulously rewarding. Watching my children go from learning sounds to picking up books and reading them to one another is precious to me. It’s also mind-numbingly painful to get through some days. Sounding out a six-word sentence sound by sound can feel like eternity. But I sit patiently and help them along. Why? I love them, and I know the reward for their hard work and my patience will be more than worth it.
We can encourage others in a similar way. Imagine a new believer who comes from an unchurched background. She is willing to learn but needs to learn…everything. She dresses immodestly, uses foul language, has a boyfriend with whom she’s still physically intimate, and hangs out at the bar. Perhaps a lot has changed in her life, but there’s so much more that she needs to see in light of Christ. It’s easy to become impatient with her because she isn’t picking up on things you think she should know to do. You, friend, have a choice.
You can let impatience get the best of you and become unfriendly and curt with her, cut her off completely, or continue to walk alongside her and patiently disciple her – allowing the Holy Spirit to work in her life. We all want to say we’d choose the third option, but would we really do that if Fictional New Believer existed? Not all of us. Not always.
I wasn’t exactly like that example, but I had no Christian upbringing and needed a lot of patience from those around me. Their willingness to move at my pace as I followed after Christ was a constant encouragement, and I believe that played an enormous role in the growth of my faith in those early months.
We can offer that kind of support and encouragement through patience in an innumerable number of potential circumstances. Meet people where they are, and demonstrate Christ’s love through practical, real-life longsuffering.
7. Encourage Others By Being Available
I’m busy. You’re busy. We’re all really busy. This also makes us unavailable. So, don’t be that busy. Life happens, but we should leave room for others in our schedule. In my home, we strive, sometimes unsuccessfully, to build margin into our day. We need time in the day that isn’t accounted for so we can minister to others, take advantage of unforeseen opportunities, and nap. O.K. It’s mostly about the naps for me, but the other stuff happens, too.
My husband likes to be available for people when they move. He can physically help, and everyone needs another set of hands on moving day no matter how much they’re moving. Some women in my church are always available to bring food, when needed. Others are ready to make calls and visits whenever the need should arise. These folks make themselves available, and that availability leads to a great deal of encouragement.
Being available to listen, meet a practical need, pray, or whatever else is encouraging because it makes others feel seen and loved. Knowing I have a community of people who are there for me when I need them is an ever-present comfort and a picture of Christ’s love.
8. Encourage Others By Asking Questions
This idea might seem too simplistic, but I have a suspicion people forget to do this. If you don’t know what someone needs or how best to encourage them, then ask!
“How can I pray for you?”
“How can I bless you this week?”
Or you can genuinely ask, “How are you?” And then stay put, being ready to listen and ask follow-up questions. Really invest in the person. Sometimes, being willing to listen and get to know someone is all the encouragement needed. As connected as the Internet has made us, we have never been more disconnected from the people around us. So, be present. Be interested. Ask questions.
9. Encourage Others By Saying Good Things In Public
I offer this suggestion frequently because, frankly, I think it delights many people when someone speaks well of them in public. My husband and I were just discussing a man from our church who does a lot for our members and the building itself, but he does so quietly and nearly completely under the radar. I suppose that’s the way to serve, but I wish people knew what a blessing he has been.
The quietly helpful man in my church is happy to be unnoticed, but I know there are plenty of people in the Church who begin to feel taken advantage of and unappreciated over time. No one thanks them or recognizes the hard work they do, and they begin to wonder if anyone even notices. Why continue serving if no one wants that service?
Of course, I hope we all know to thank people for their hard work when we know about it. At the very least, it’s a common courtesy. However, it’s a special encouragement to someone when we acknowledge their service to others. As a pastor’s wife, I often receive thanks and credit for things at our church, and I see it as a special privilege to redirect that praise to the ones who put in the work. More often than I want, I end up being the face of an event or ministry that is so much more than me. I suppose I could say nothing about the men and women who labored to make those things happen, but I hope to encourage them by making it known that I see them and appreciate them. And I don’t aim to make it a secret.
This principle applies outside of service, as well. Tell others about someone you know who is a strong prayer warrior, gifted musician, enthralling storyteller, etc. Encourage someone by telling others the positives you see in that person. I’m telling you that it is one of the strongest and easiest forms of encouragement.
10. Encourage Others By Pointing Back To Scripture
This is essential. Our encouragement, ultimately, is through God and found in His Word.
“For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. (emphasis mine)
Romans 15:4-6 (ESV)
The only lasting encouragement any of us have is in salvation through Christ. In our salvation we have true hope and God’s promises for His children (that’s us!). When someone is in a bad place, though, turning to the Bible may be the last thing she does. It’s weird how we try to hide from God when we’re discouraged and upset, isn’t it? Well, don’t judge it and condemn it when you see someone doing that. Simply remind them of God’s promises as they apply to that situation. Lovingly, please. You don’t have to be rude about it even if you happen to be encouraging that person out of sin. Keep it classy. Keep it Christlike.
Final Thought
Natural encouragers are not a special group of people called to encouragement while we all sit back and watch. All Christians are supposed to encourage each other. You might do it less than some, but you will undoubtedly encounter a moment in which you are meant to encourage someone. If it isn’t your gift, per se, don’t stress over it. Any of the ten suggestions I gave will offer a simple way to encourage someone without feeling awkward or insecure about it.
What others forms of encouragement would you add?
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