Let’s Try To Be Transparent Christians

Transparency is a common way of being “real” with other people and is seen as authenticity. Personally, I’m not sure why any Christian would not want to be transparent with others. As usual, though, I’m learning how much I don’t know about Christian life. Transparent Christians, as I’ve discovered, are rare but also immensely appreciated.

Transparent Christians: A Rare Blessing

Recently, I gave my testimony at a ladies’ retreat. A couple hundred women sat and listened to me tell them my history, sin struggles, and how God’s immeasurable grace changed my life. I didn’t hold back the truth about myself because I wanted the women to understand how much God has done for me. Sanitizing my past only minimizes God’s goodness and healing. So, as I found it appropriate, I told my story. Even the ugly bits.

I thought my workshop went well, and I was ready to never speak of it again. (I find the whole public speaking thing embarrassing.) However, multiple women took me aside to say they enjoyed the workshop, felt encouraged, and they were thankful for my transparency.

Weeks later, a prominent woman in our fellowship texted me that she had listened to my workshop and thanked me for…you guessed it…my transparency. I started to wonder if this was a code word Christians used to insult people like bless your heart in the South.

I inquired about my theory at a prayer meeting with a couple of friends who grew up in ministry, and their faces turned serious and both immediately said, “It’s that Christian women aren’t usually transparent.” Oh.

Transparent Christians Or Just Christians?

A month later I attended a ladies’ conference in which the main speaker shared her heart openly and humbly. At some point, one of the women in charge of the event thanked the speaker for being so transparent. I certainly didn’t disagree with the sentiment, but are we really thanking Christians for be transparent?

Shouldn’t transparent Christians just be plain ol’ typical Christians? I’m not convinced this should be a special thing.

The most distressing part of the lack of transparency among Christians is the response to it. I’ve told you about the thankfulness, but plenty of Christians find transparency off-putting and even inappropriate. Yesterday I saw a woman on Facebook telling ministry wives to keep a “professional distance” from church members because they won’t respect you if they know your weaknesses. *cue internal screaming*

What Are Transparent Christians?

Some folks think transparency is bad, perhaps even sinful, because of experiences they’ve had with so-called transparent people. Let’s quickly go over what transparency is not and then explain what it should look like.

Transparency Is Not

Authentically Holding On To Sin

Transparent Christians are not embracing sin while shielding themselves with “I’m just being me.” I’m not denying that there are people who act as if they deserve an award for admitting to their sins while never letting them go. It takes all kinds, I suppose. But that’s not transparency. Rather, it’s an example of a sinner with poor excuses to keep sinning.

Oversharing

Transparency isn’t sharing everything. There is a time and place, and sometimes there simply isn’t a time and place…ever. I often have to remind my children to “read the room.” That approach applies to transparency, too. In order to be appropriately transparent, ask yourself:

Who is in the room?

Does this information help anyone?

Will this be something others can relate to?

Is sharing this going to hurt or embarrass anyone?

Am I sharing this to make myself look good or to bring glory to God?

An Identity Outside Of Christ

We can get caught up in our hurts, losses, struggles, and disappointments. Although being open about those realities in our lives, no matter how unpleasant, is a good thing, we shouldn’t lose sight of who we are in Christ. I’m not my past failures or the bad things that were done to me. I’m a child of God, redeemed by the blood of Christ.

“But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:”

John 1:12

“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”

Galatians 2:20

If someone’s transparency seems like an attempt to wallow in the negative and identify oneself with anything other than Christ, then that person is not being transparent. She has lost sight of who she is in light of her salvation.

Transparency Is

Honest

Transparent Christians are honest about who they are even if that honesty reveals weakness or embarrassing revelations. Remember, honesty is not the same as oversharing. So, not every detail of their lives will be for public consumption. On the other hand, transparent Christians don’t omit truth to save face or protect their own pride. Transparent honesty is humble rather than prideful.

Willing To Acknowledge Weaknesses

It’s all right to admit you are weak in some areas of your Christian walk. In fact, I recommend it. To pretend otherwise would be to lie. The most transparent Christians I know don’t brag about weaknesses, but they definitely acknowledge them. They portray themselves realistically, and real people have both strengths and weaknesses.

Giving Glory To God

When we share difficult things that God has brought us through, many people congratulate us for getting through it. We’re “amazing,” “so strong,” and “brave for sharing so authentically.” I don’t think anyone means any harm by this, but that praise is misdirected if it’s aimed at us.

Transparency isn’t for attention or compliments. It’s an opportunity to point to Jesus. Transparent Christians use their transparency to tell others about the Lord and share the gospel.

No Transparent Christians? So What?

In my personal experience and from what other people have shared with me over the years, transparency in the Church is simply not common. I think it’s more common now because younger generations appreciate it more, but believers with influence and who lead still seem to hold back. (Of course, I’m generalizing.)

What if believers continue to be opaque? Does that really matter? Seriously, of all the potential issues in the Church, transparency can’t possibly be that big of a deal. Well, it might be hurting us more than we realize.

1. It is exhausting to pretend.

Imagine a scene you have witnessed a million times before. You walk into church and get settled for the service. You friend, Missy, walks into the auditorium and you ask, “How are you doing today, Missy?” Without skipping a beat, a rehearsed smile spreads across her face, and she responds, “Great! How are you?” Your eyes light up as you tell her the morning has been really busy, but “it’s sooo worth it.”

Missy’s husband had a biopsy a few days ago, and she’s anxiously awaiting the results. Her husband lost his father to cancer at forty-two years old. He’s currently forty-one. No one knows what she’s going through because she pretends to be fine.

You, on the other hand, have a healthy home, but you’ve been questioning your faith a lot lately. A co-worker said something about the Bible you can’t shake, but you’re afraid to ask anyone to talk with you about it. After all, what would they think about you if they discovered you were having doubts?

This scene is exhausting for me to write, let alone to live out. Playing a part to fulfill a perceived role in church is likely to wear you out. Do you know what happens to churchgoers who find the very idea of putting on a mask every Sunday to be an exhausting task? They pull away and stop coming to church. They don’t want to pretend to be O.K. Deep down, they long to share hard truths about themselves and what’s going on in their lives, but they don’t believe they can. Some believers question whether or not it’s even Christian to share “the bad stuff” because it might appear unthankful or be seen as grumbling and complaining.

2. Opaque Christianity is lonely.

I grew up as a lonely girl and was lonely a great deal of my young adult years. I’m quite familiar with being in a crowded room and feeling invisible and alone. It’s painful to be lonely, yet Christians who reject transparency are choosing to create a lonely life.

Think of it this way. If you aren’t transparent, then no one knows you. Not really. It doesn’t matter how many potlucks, events, and ministries you participate in when you aren’t being yourself. You can have one hundred church friends, but it won’t matter because those people like the version of yourself that you have presented to them rather than the real you hidden somewhere below.

Transparent Christians make real connections. Opaque believers can’t genuinely be close to anyone because no one has met the real them.

3. Ministering to you is nearly impossible.

Christians are supposed to serve one another.

“For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.”

Galatians 5:13

The problem is that no one knows how to serve you if you aren’t transparent. How could anyone possibly know your needs and what blesses you if you keep up a wall between yourself and others? When you do this, you rob believers of the opportunity to serve you and minister within the church.

4. A lack of transparency sets unrealistic expectations.

Do you want to be a real discouragement to those around you? Pretend you’re perfect. You might not know who looks to you as an example and tries to be more like you because you’ve got it all together.

No one can achieve the false reality someone’s lack of transparency can create. It only sets onlookers up for failure. They need mentors and encouragement, but unrealistic expectations only discourage.

5. Christian living doesn’t look like this.

The image we project when we are not transparent Christians is one of ease and comfort. But that’s not the Christian life.

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” (emphasis mine)

James 1:2-3 (ESV)

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

In our difficulties, we have peace in Christ, but we shouldn’t hide our challenges from those around us. Instead, we should praise God and point to Him as the source of our strength and wisdom.  

Why It’s Good To Be A Transparent Christian

Lacking transparency can be detrimental to one’s walk with the Lord and to the Church, meanwhile, being a transparent Christian has several benefits.

1. Others don’t have to feel alone.

Hard times can make us feel as if we’re the only ones to have walked that road. Because people are not generally transparent, we often don’t know who to turn to for counsel and encouragement.

However, when a brother or sister in Christ tells us about their similar trial and how God carried them through it, we feel seen, validated, and encouraged. There is hope, after all.

I experienced this with my first pregnancy when it ended early in the first trimester. I felt guilty, scared about future pregnancies, and kind of dumb for being so heartbroken when the loss had happened so early. I thought I was alone in my hurt, but ladies from my church rallied around me.

Woman after woman took me aside to share her story of loss. They shared how they felt at the time of their losses and assured me with stories of how God got them through the experiences. Suddenly, because these women were willing to be transparent with me, I felt like I had a community of women who had walked ahead of me and were cheering me on.

We can be that community for others if we refuse to be closed off.

2. Transparent Christians display what Christian life really looks like.

When we remove the façade, people can see Christian living in action. It’s filled with prayer, church life, service to others, family, and plenty of love. It’s also a life in which we experience hardships, loss, burdens, and deep hurts. Although we aren’t guaranteed a pain-free life, we don’t endure the difficulties alone.

“Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.”

Matthew 16:24-25

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

When we don’t share how we manage through the dark days, we aren’t helping others prepare to do so themselves. Plus, we’re advertising a false Christian life when we hide the harder experiences.

3. Transparent Christians are more approachable.

Have you seen the perfect Christian woman across the auditorium who never seems to have a hair out place? She has a big house, great kids, and she just seems so spiritual. That woman can be approachable because having a great life doesn’t remove someone’s ability to be transparent and open. Having a great life, though, while being unwilling to be transparent and share an area of struggle or weakness makes a person absolutely unapproachable. Like, what do we even have in common? This just isn’t helpful.

Transparency exhibits a level of humility because you’re willing to expose more than just a curated version of yourself. You’re you…the whole you…the real you. That does a lot to open doors with other believers who may need you, but it also makes you more approachable to unbelievers.

One of the most common sentiments I’ve heard from unbelievers is that Christians don’t understand them because believers live “perfect” lives. I love hearing this because I get to come in with my testimony which involves twenty-six years of unrepentant sin. (AKA: not the perfect life) Frankly, I’m still dealing with some of the consequences of my life before Christ, but I don’t hide that. My story is the one God gave me, and I’ll use it to His glory whenever I can.

Final Thought

Are you concerned with appearances? Are you afraid that people will question your faith if you share the whole version of yourself? These worries will keep us hidden behind a veneer of “I’m fine” and prevent us from truly forming meaningful and honest relationships. You can’t be you when you hide yourself, and you can’t be the Christian God wants you to be if you refuse to be honest about who you are, what you’re going through, and how God sees you through it.

Do you think the Church has a shortage of transparent Christians?

Image courtesy of Kaylah Matthews via Unsplash.