Is It Time For You To Quit Homeschooling?

Last week my family wrapped up the 2022-2023 homeschool year. Everyone was thrilled to put the curriculum aside for a bit and take a needed break. No one, however, was more excited than me. By the time we were down to the last few weeks of school, I had essentially given up housework, working out, and serving healthy meals. My newly formed myopic vision was focused on one thing: FINISH. Frustrations with my children, husband, home, and myself swirled around me as I graded five children’s math and writing assignments. “I’m done with this homeschool year!” I told myself. But in the stillness of my mind, I have wondered in the past just how done I actually was. Julie, is it time to quit homeschooling?

I Wanted To Quit Homeschooling

Because each year keeps blending into the last, I can’t say exactly when I wanted to quit homeschooling. I can say, though, that it was a relatively recent event…maybe two or three years ago. Anyway, I had reached my breaking point.

Each of my children had an area that was growing into a major issue. One of my children was failing every math assignment. Was this student struggling? Yes, but the struggle was attitude and effort. Apparently, refusing to show work, not reading directions carefully, or like, not trying at all can make math a lot harder.

Another child was just overly active and bothersome to everyone on purpose and had somehow developed a hypersensitive “justice button.” Someone else was struggling with reading, and my brain was turning to goo as I listened to the painfully slow reading of someone barely able to recall letter sounds. Not to mention, none of my kids were getting along, obeying me, or even responding to me at all.

In summary, my kids had major heart issues that made school feel like torture for all of us. On the other hand, I was the picture of a healthy parental attitude and strong Christian leadership. Just kidding. I was deep in it with the kids, and I needed a heart tune-up just as badly as anyone else in my home. I felt depressed, angry, and couldn’t remember why I even wanted to homeschool.

A Search And Rescue

I began looking up the local school districts and trying to convince myself that public school would be better for them. After all, my kids and I were not happy, and their entire academic futures were at risk. I wondered if choosing to homeschool had simply been hubris on my part. Who did I think I was, anyway?

My husband had seen me stressed out about homeschooling in the past, but he thought I was much more serious about my doubts this time around. He didn’t overreact or even challenge me on it. He was willing to talk about it, but I could see he wasn’t exactly “on board” with the idea. At the same time, he wasn’t exactly in favor of forcing me to do something I was going to fight against with every fiber of my being. And after over a decade of marriage, my husband knew my fiber has a lot of fight in it.

In my frustration, I turned to a friend and veteran homeschooler. She was compassionate and understanding, but her response was not what I expected. She listened to my concerns and frustrations which ended with my admission that I was highly considering “putting them on the bus next year.” Her eyes instantly looked sad, and she quietly implored, “No, Julie. No.”

There was no judgment in her voice, only concern. Gently, she reminded me that homeschooling is really hard sometimes, and she also pointed out all the concerns and objections I have concerning public school.

This gentle yet firm response rescued me from my pity party. I was ready to take a hard look at what was going on with our homeschool and start making the necessary adjustments. I wasn’t going to quit homeschooling. Ever. I’ll always be thankful for her guidance that day.

Should You Quit Homeschooling?

I think the answer to that question is rarely “yes,” but it isn’t always “no.” Every family, home, child, parent, and circumstance is unique. I willingly acknowledge that, but I feel compelled to remind you that we live among a generation of quitters and commitment-phobes.

We change spouses, jobs, homes, schools, majors, religions, and genders like we change our underwear. And we often do this with one thing in mind. Ourselves. Specifically, we want to be comfortable and happy. Too bad we often need to forgo those things in order to do what is best for ourselves and our loved ones, right? So, are you thinking about quitting homeschooling? Don’t do it until you read my list of seven bad reasons to quit homeschooling.

7 Bad Reasons To Quit Homeschooling

1. You Want To Quit Homeschooling Because Your Child Wants To Quit Homeschooling

Quick question. How many things do you allow your child to decide that have a large and long-lasting affect on her life? It’s probably not a lot because she still requires a great deal of guidance and your wisdom.

A child’s education informs her about how the world works, morals, government, money, sexuality, socially appropriate interactions, etc. Who is the best source of that information? A government-trained teacher who will instill her personal morality and beliefs in all she teaches or you? It’s you!

Because I have to, let me add a comment here. Not all teachers have questionable morals and beliefs. There are, in fact, some wonderful Christians who teach in public schools. Thank God for them! However, counting on good teachers for your child is like a game of Russian Roulette. Eventually, the chamber will be loaded, and your child will be the target.

Rest in this fact. You are the parent, and you have the God-given authority and responsibility to make your child’s educational choices.

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Proverbs 22:6

“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Ephesians 6:4

“And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”

Deuteronomy 11:19

Do This First

As parents, we shouldn’t discount our children’s opinions and experiences as homeschoolers altogether. Rather, we ought to listen and thoughtfully consider how we can use what we know about them to improve their education at home and make it more enjoyable.

Kids think they know what’s best and what is good for them, but more often than not, they are lacking valuable information and perspective. Don’t just give them what they want. You know best, so insist on the best. However, allow your children some input on what school looks like during the day and what subjects they will study (aside from the requirements). Just don’t forget who’s running the show.

2. You Want To Quit Homeschooling Because Your Child Needs/Wants More Friends

Friends are overrated, right? OK, that’s not exactly true, but not all friends are not created equal. I had a friend, as far as I knew, try to kill me. Many other friends mercilessly made fun of me when I wasn’t around and let me know when I was excluded from activities. As I grew older, friends were still not a guaranteed positive element in my life. They encouraged me to participate in risky behavior for their entertainment and wrote me off as soon as I became a Christian and stopped drinking alcohol. We want friends, but we should seek the right kind of friends.

Where do Christian homeschoolers make friends? Introverts like me prefer to hang out at home and wear pajamas all the time. Stretchy waistbands don’t judge…

Ladies, we need to stretch like that waistband. Try new things. Reach out to new people. Join groups. Say “yes” to invitations. Be present and active in church. Meet all kinds of people. Friends don’t have to be the same exact age, despite what public school implies. A typical group of homeschool friends includes very young children through teenagers. They can all play together appropriately, and of course, the kids break off into older kids and younger children a lot of the time. Nevertheless, there is a familiarity and friendliness between them all.

These friends don’t need to be from your local public school. Oh, they can be, but I don’t believe that sending our children to public school in order to make friends is a successful approach to creating a healthy, diverse, and edifying group of friends. And no, I don’t care if Jen Wilkin teaches differently. There are plenty of friendships to be had, and they don’t need to be linked to public school academics and sports. In fact, you are more likely to find like-minded friends for your children elsewhere.

3. You Want To Quit Homeschooling Because Public School Teachers Are The “Experts”

No doubt about it, teachers are trained in education and their area of education. Don’t click away from this post believing I think teachers don’t know what they’re doing. They certainly do. What do they learn, though?

Most sources agree that the coursework for a Bachelor of Education will include instructional strategies (Preschool – Grade 12), group behavior, child and human development, mathematics concepts, English language learning and literacy integration, educational curriculum creation and modification, student assessment and evaluation, and classroom management. That sounds like a well-rounded education for a classroom teacher, but how relevant is this “expertise” for parents educating their own children?

You still might be wondering about the actual academics. You might believe public school teachers are the experts in their subjects/grades, and that means your child is better off with them. Well, I don’t think that’s necessarily true. For one, teachers are always continuing their education, therefore, it isn’t as if they have ever fully arrived. Second, no teacher is the ultimate and final authority on any subject. They will need to look up answers and confirm facts sometimes, too.

“Expertise” Is Overrated

Meanwhile, keep in mind that all the information you need to teach your children is inside the curriculum you use, at the library, and online. Schools are no longer the gatekeepers to information. It’s all right to learn alongside your child. As a matter of fact, this might be one of the best things you can do for your homeschooled child because you are teaching her how to learn and find information as you do so side by side.

Please, don’t be bullied into believing you need an education degree from a university to teach your children. All you need to be able to do is learn and share what you’ve learned with your child.

4. You Want To Quit Homeschooling Because Your Children Are Not Getting Along

I’m an only child with five kids. The learning curve has been steep when it comes to sibling interactions. I pictured best friends who were always a team and loved to spend every moment together. My picture has been correct sometimes, but they can also be mean-spirited toward each other with short fuses and no interest in being friendly…or even civil.

More often than not, this is a heart issue with the kids and/or a parenting issue. So, the best option is to address what is at the root of the problem. Sending your kids to public school may feel like a solution, but it plays out more like avoidance. Instead of learning how to work out differences while maintaining healthy relationships, the kids get to go to school where they don’t interact with each other. At the end of the day, they can continue to minimize time together with homework and extracurriculars.

Maybe that separation sounds appealing, but you have one family and a very limited time to create lifelong bonds. Do the hard work now, and it will pay off in the end. Always? No, probably not. However, success is more likely for you when you put in the work rather than kick the can down road (and into a public school).

5. You Want To Quit Homeschooling Because You Are Not Getting Along With Your Children

Sometimes I feel like I am the “bad guy” all day. I teach, cook the unpreferred meals, assign the chores, correct the lazily done chores, discipline, and say “no” to unreasonable requests all day while my husband works. He comes home and suddenly the fun begins.

Did you know that my husband is the most fun dad ever? According to my kids, he most definitely is. In contrast, I’m the no-fun mom who makes them do lame things like take tests and clean their rooms. In the past, my role as teacher-mom has put me at odds with my kids (and sometimes still does). There were days that I’d longingly watch the yellow school bus drive down the street. Certainly, there was room for a few more, right?

As with the last reason to quit homeschooling I discussed, this is usually a heart issue and/or a parenting issue. My approach has been to examine whether I harbored sin in my heart concerning my kids (or anything else that could be affecting our relationship) and address it. Then, I consider whether or not I have been clear and consistent with my kids. When my expectations are unclear and inconsistent, we have all been set up for failure.

In contrast, I also consider if I have been too demanding. Perhaps my children have been overwhelmed with tasks and responsibilities and need a break. I often need to ask myself, “Have you neglected to offer grace again, Jules?” Of course, this is a two-way street, so I work through what might be going on with them when I have finished examining myself.

We Might Need A Break And Fun

Usually, the problem isn’t a significant issue. Instead, we discover that we have stopped working on our relationship. One of the best parts of homeschooling is the freedom to manage our time as we need to throughout the year, and this situation calls for a break. We put down the books, sleep in, eat cinnamon rolls for breakfast, play at the park, have a movie day in our pajamas, walk around the mall, play boardgames, or whatever we want.

The point is that we reprioritize our relationship as mother and children. I’m their teacher, but the most important role I have in their lives is as their mother. Sending them away because we’re not enjoying each other doesn’t solve the problem. For some, it might even feel like rejection. How many times have you heard an ex-homeschooler say, “I couldn’t handle being around my kids all day!” I promise you that those children know their mom felt that way, and it hurts.

6. You Want To Quit Homeschooling Because You Don’t Like It

For starters, ask yourself why you don’t like homeschooling. Maybe you feel locked in your home and want to do more than “just” homeschool your kids. You believe you have a greater purpose. If that’s the case, I’m going to interject right here and rain on your parade. You’re wrong.

Moms, you have no greater purpose than raising your children and giving everything you can to those kids. I’m not suggesting you play out a real-life version of The Giving Tree and give yourself away until there is nothing left. I just mean that mothers sacrifice and put their families first a lot of the time. Don’t let me stop you from having a ladies’ lunch, taking a spin class, getting your nails done, or having your daily hour of scrolling. We need our little pleasures and decompression opportunities just like everyone else. I’m just saying that it’s not about you, Mom.

Maybe you don’t like homeschooling because it simply isn’t fun or is difficult. Sure, that’s a reasonable argument. Homeschooling can definitely feel like a chore and be quite a challenge. What about cooking dinner, vacuuming, cleaning the toilet, and laundry? Those are some kind of laugh riot, eh? Life is filled with unpreferred tasks. You may just have to deal with it.

More can be done to make homeschool feel less like drudgery, though. Reassess your curriculum. You might want to use something that excites you. To be honest, your kids are much more likely to be positive about school if you are. Consider learning in different locations of the house, having a class outside, or planning more field trips. Do things you love to add variety and enthusiasm to your school day.

7. You Want To Quit Homeschooling Because Your Marriage Is Suffering

I almost left this reason off my list because it is a completely valid reason to quit homeschooling. With more thought, however, I concluded that sometimes it is a completely valid reason to quit homeschooling. Homeschool is not usually the reason a marriage is struggling, though, it might exacerbate the troubles.

Couples like to make big, bold changes in an attempt to fix their marriage, but those changes so often miss the mark. A married couple may buy a new house, have another baby, relocate far from family, or change jobs in an effort to make the marriage better. Ultimately, those methods fail which leaves a struggling marriage reeling from a regrettable and extreme decision. Don’t let homeschool get tossed aside because your marriage needs attention. Just attend to you marriage.

No one knows a marriage better than the two people in it, so bite the bullet and have the tough conversations. Is homeschool the problem, or is it the lack of prioritization regarding your marital relationship? Are you tired all the time, stressed out, and angry a lot? Yes, that could be homeschool-related, but don’t discount your attitude and sin. And it should go without saying (but I’ll say it so no one comes at me accusing me of ignoring the husbands), your husband should reflect on his needs, struggles, and possible heart issues, as well. It takes two, y’all.

Don’t impulsively introduce more potential problems into your family by sending your children to public school in the hopes that it will be some magical solution to your marriage issues.

Final Thought

The school year is ending for a lot of homeschool families right now, and many of them are thinking about next year. They are wondering if they should homeschool again or try something different. I reject the approach I hear homeschoolers regularly espouse. “Take homeschooling one year at a time.” Hear me when I say, this is a great approach to giving up. Imagine telling your husband that you would take your marriage one year at a time! What happens when things get tough? Essentially, you already have one foot outside the door with that mentality.

Homeschool is a commitment, but not everyone approaches it that way. For me, it’s a whole lot of hassle to just dip my toe in and then return my kids to public school when the water’s too cold, so to speak. If your reasons for homeschooling haven’t changed, then there is plenty of reason to press on. Use your break to regroup and be willing to shake things up and be flexible. Instead of deciding to quit homeschooling, I challenge you to recommit to it.

Did I miss any bad reasons to quit homeschooling. Comment below to let me know!

Image courtesy of jeshoots.com via Unsplash.