Confession: I Have Fallen Short

I recently woke up to some news that really shook me; I’m a garbage human being. That’s a pretty harsh statement, but don’t feel too bad for me. The assessment is my own. Of course, the whole truth is a bit more complicated than me just being a disappointing person. Because I’m a Christian, I know that I’m so much more than my failures and shortcomings. I’ve been made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), and I’m a sinner saved by grace (Ephesians 2:8), making me a child of God (John 1:12). I have value, and my Heavenly Father loves me. Yet, I’m not who I thought I would be at this point. I have fallen short. What can we learn from my failures to help you? What do we do when we have fallen short?

Falling Short: What Is It?

I want to quickly address what I mean when I tell you I have fallen short. I’m not trying to avoid saying sin. Falling short, as I mean it, is not meeting expectations set by others, yourself, or God. So, falling short can be sin, but it can also refer to not doing well enough in a particular area in your life to meet a desired outcome or goal. For example, I can fall short as a wife by gossiping about my husband to people in the community (sin) or by not meeting my own expectations concerning our meals (not sin).

I strongly believe sin should be called sin. Anytime we fall short in an area of our lives, we should identify whether or not we have any sin to handle.

All right. Let’s jump into our regularly scheduled blog post.

My Perfect Life

Life. It’s beautiful, right? Mine is. I live in what I believe to be one of the most gorgeous places in the country. The people in my church are Spirit-filled and seek to minister to others. And many of them, although I’ve never earned it, love me. Meanwhile, my home is filled with the footfall of five happy and healthy children whom I prayed for and happily brought into the world (with a bit of pain).

Then, there’s my husband. He’s sort of the mythical unicorn of husbands. Men like him are impossible to find. He is respectful, funny, sensitive, a hard worker, caring, an amazing father, a fantastic husband, and he loves the Lord. My husband is such a likeable guy, in fact, that it became obvious after he met my family that they preferred him a little bit over me. I would have been mad, but I think they were right!

Sounds like a perfect life, and it is except that nothing is perfect. That amazing church is filled with work to do and personalities that clash sometimes. These children argue, complain, and have some pretty loud footfall. Not to mention, my dream husband is human, and even he can fall short of perfection. (*dramatic gasp*)

I tell you, it’s hard being perfect and living around all these imperfect people… All right, I suppose it would be difficult to sell you on my perfection when I already admitted to being a garbage human being. In fact, if I’m completely transparent, then I have to say that the biggest problem or challenge in my life is…me.

Old Habits Die Hard

When someone gets saved, there should be a noticeable transformation. That isn’t a popular statement these days because that means we can’t continue to live the lives we led as unbelievers. But the Bible is clear on this.

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

2 Corinthians 5:17

If the old things pass away, then we have no business embracing them anymore. Salvation radically changed me, and the changes have continued over the years. However, in terms of leaving behind the old ways, I have fallen short at times because old habits die hard. This has slowed my spiritual growth, hurt relationships, and acted as a discouragement to me. I blame myself, but I know laziness has been my partner in crime.

Laziness

I have found myself getting lazy about spiritual things. I’m constantly thinking about doctrinal matters, learning about various beliefs, and reading about and researching spiritual topics. But I’ve been inconsistent about prayer and quiet devotional time. It’s hard to be consistent, and I’ve allowed myself to get lazy about it.

Laziness is an enemy to living life in service to our King. It’s self-indulgent and self-serving. Simply said, it’s selfish. There sure is a jarring amount of self involved in adopting laziness as a habit. This is especially true when you think about what the Bible tells us about self.

“And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away?” (emphasis mine)

Luke 9:23-25

“So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.”

Luke 14:33 (ESV)

“Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.” (emphasis mine)

Colossians 3:2-3

“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.” (emphasis mine)

Galatians 2:20

If Christians must die to self, then what am I doing being lazy and selfish? I’ll tell you. It’s easier that way. In the end, it isn’t easier because it can cause more problems down the road, but in the moment it feels less difficult. I’m ashamed of how many times I have fallen for this deception and taken the “easy” path.

I spent a quarter of a century forming habits and learning behaviors before I came to the Lord. Sometimes, reverting to those old habits is a default reaction when I take my eyes off Jesus or am too overwhelmed to stay focused on godly things. In my laziness, remnants of the old me are a natural choice to take on because they require no effort and are quite familiar.

I have fallen short in guarding against my old self. Those small habits and behaviors crept in unnoticed because I wasn’t being vigilant, and then I woke up one morning and was face-to-face with the consequences of having fallen short in my rejection of my old self.

Maybe you, too, have gotten lazy and let undesirable traits trickle into your life, or you have noticed yourself becoming less spiritually interested. What do you do now?

I Have Fallen Short: Now What?

Whether you have neglected your Bible reading, allowed an angry spirit to develop within yourself, become less discerning about media consumption, or have stopped parenting with intentionality…it’s going to be all right.

When we get to the place where we wake up and think, “I have fallen short in so many ways,” we are not doomed to reside in that state. In fact, acknowledging it allows us to move forward. You are not a “garbage human being” even if you feel like it today. Even if everyone else thinks it, too, it doesn’t make it true.

What NOT To Do

My natural inclination when I feel down about myself is to believe it and take note of all the evidence confirming my belief. That, obviously, makes me feel worse, and then I sink closer to feelings of depression.

I’m mentioning this because I know from experience that I’m not the only one who can get to a dark place, sometimes unknowingly. Hear me when I say this. Seeing ourselves in such a dark light is not of God, and allowing our negative outlook on ourselves and/or circumstances to take residence in our hearts and minds only makes the situation worse. We hurt ourselves and others when we do this. “I have fallen short” is not the beginning of giving up. Rather, it should be our call to action.

What To Do When You Think, “I Have Fallen Short”

1. Pray

It doesn’t matter whether you have fallen into sin or if you’ve noticed the beginning of a drift from godly things. Always pray. I can’t think of a time I’ve needed more of my voice than of His.

“Pray without ceasing.”

1 Thessalonians 5:17

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.”

Philippians 4:6

Seek His guidance and discernment about your life, decisions, and obedience. He will reveal your sins and areas in which you need to improve.

2. Acknowledge Where You Have Fallen Short

Take an inventory of your life. Where have you lost your way? Generally, we don’t want to do this because we don’t want to come face-to-face with our failures. As long as we don’t think about the truth, we can pretend things are not so bad. Nevertheless, the damage continues to add up whether we attend to it or not.

Taking ownership is the grown-up thing to do. Despite the urgings of the culture, resist pushing the blame onto others. Take responsibility for your shortcomings and decisions.

3. Pray Again

Take this opportunity, now that you have acknowledged what you’ve done, and ask God for forgiveness. Ask Him to help guard you against temptations to sin in the future and to help you stay focused on Him and His ways.

If you have fallen short of your convictions or ideals but haven’t sinned, pray anyway. Ask God to help you on your spiritual walk, and thank Him for giving you the strength to stay out of sin.

4. Give Yourself Grace

So, you have fallen short. I have fallen short, too. Guess what? Every person in the history of the world has fallen short of God’s standards, one’s personal ideals, and goals. Welcome to being a fallen person in a fallen world.

God has already given grace to you for every sin you have ever committed and every one you will commit in the future. Christian, you were saved by grace through faith (Ephesians 2:8). You didn’t earn that. No one did.

Thankfully, His grace for us doesn’t stop at salvation.

“But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.”

James 4:6

“And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work:”

2 Corinthians 9:8

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (emphasis mine)

2 Corinthians 12:9

If God can give you enough grace to carry you through all of life’s trials and even to save you from the eternal consequence you’ve earned, then can’t you give yourself enough grace to accept that you have fallen short without tearing yourself down over it?

Shame and guilt are normal, healthy responses to sin, but we don’t have to stew in those feelings because we are children of God. Accept His grace and forgiveness, and show some grace to yourself, as well.

Additionally, if you, like me, are a perfectionist, then you really need to give yourself grace. Stop setting the bar so high that you have no choice but to fall short of your goals. For instance, you may want to be the mom who makes nutritious, homemade meals every night. As admirable a goal as that is, don’t kick yourself for resorting to the drive-through on particularly busy nights. You fell short of being the kind of mom you planned to be, but you haven’t failed as a mom. Take it easy on yourself.

5. Make It Right

This step depends on the nature of how you have fallen short. Essentially, if it doesn’t affect anyone else, then there isn’t much “making it right” to do. On the other hand, if your actions or words have caused any damage, this is when you need to make steps toward repairing that damage.

How? Well, you might need to apologize, take ownership, address any misunderstandings, make an honest and good faith gesture, and/or give them space to process. Ask them what you can do to work toward rectifying the situation, and then, if possible, do it.

Making it right may take time. Allow time for those you injured to fully reconcile with you.

6. Confidently Move Forward

The last step is the hardest for many of us. Once you’ve dealt with whatever relational issues, sins, and personal struggles that had been in your life, it is time move on. No more perseverating on:

“I have fallen short.”

“I’m so disappointed in myself.”

“I thought I’d be a better mother by now.”

“My husband must be so fed up with this marriage.”

No. Stop it right now. That’s in the past, and today you take your first step forward and out of the muck behind you. But that’s not all. You can do so confidently because the Lord is with you through whatever you face in the future, He offers you peace, He hears your prayers, and God is not done with you.

“In the fear of the Lord is strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge.”

Proverbs 14:26

“Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:”

Romans 5:1

“And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:”

1 John 5:14

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:”

Philippians 1:6

Final Thought

I have fallen short at least once as a wife, mother, daughter, friend, Christian, and everything else you could call me. Sometimes, it makes me feel terrible about myself and wonder, “Why can’t I finally get it right?” However, what I mean by getting it “right” is getting it perfect. If that’s truly my goal, then I’m on a fool’s errand.

No one gets through life without making a mess of things sometimes. As a Christian, I have had the joy of witnessing God change my desires, behaviors, and mind over the years. My time as a believer has been marked by feeling conviction when I sin, being tempted less often, loving the things God loves, and striving to know the Lord as deeply as I can. That is not the woman I once was.

Sure, I have fallen short, but I’m not a garbage human being. I’m imperfect and growing thanks to God’s grace every day. We all fall down, and we have a faithful, steadfast, loving Heavenly Father who forgives and will guide us down the right path, if only we’ll follow Him.

Today, I take another step in the right direction and have faith that when I have fallen short again, my Lord will be there to show me the way.

What do you do when you disappoint yourself or let others around you down? Do you have any verses that comfort you in those instances?

Image courtesy of Yuris Alhumaydy via Unsplash.