The Christian Stay-At-Home Mom: Is Staying At Home Enough?

Early on in my role as a Christian stay-at-home mom, I felt like I was wasting my time. My husband was out in the community developing relationships that could offer him opportunities to share Christ. Meanwhile, I was changing diapers, cooking, cleaning, and singing nursery rhymes at home. Was this really the best way for a woman with a master’s degree to spend her time? I felt like I could do so much more than I was doing, and I currently hear the same lament from other Christian women. “I can’t do anything for the Lord because I’m stuck at home with my kids!” That certainly makes me wonder. Is staying at home enough? As faithful Christians, should we be doing more?

Staying At Home Is Not Enough…But Why?

A wife choosing to stay home is not wholly uncommon, but it is no longer the societal norm. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, only 30% of households with two parents and children under eighteen years of age had a full-time stay-at-home parent between the years 2015-2017. Keep in mind that the research is only a snapshot of these families. I suppose many of the homes with a stay-at-home parent had younger children while the households with two working parents probably had older children. Therefore, it is entirely possible that most moms end up leaving the home once the kids are older.

So, why are mothers, even Christian mothers, leaving the home, dropping their kids off at public school, and going to work? I contend there are three main reasons for this.

*Quick note: I am not referring to women who work outside the home because it is a financial necessity. That, in my opinion, is a completely different conversation. I am strictly discussing Christian mothers who choose to leave behind being a housewife in order to minister and witness to others.*

1. It comes from a good place.

I think many Christian moms choosing to transition to use their work or volunteer efforts outside of the home are trying to do the right thing. They love the Lord and long to serve Him with their lives. These women are aware of how badly their communities (and, really, the world), need to hear the gospel and have a strong Christian influence.

I imagine these moms also believe that their families are not going to endure any negative impacts from the decision to focus ministry outside of the home. Frankly, if they believed the choice could hurt their children, then it wouldn’t be coming from a good place any longer, would it?

2. Some Christian stay-at-home moms become discontented due to feminism.

As women gained the rights and freedoms that had been long withheld from them, dissatisfaction grew in the hearts and minds of women across our nation. In an effort to be fully transparent, I will tell you that I am not a feminist. I am all for things like women voting and earning equal pay for the same job. However, the feminism we see today focuses on sexual immorality, the willful murder of babies in the womb, emasculating men, and the erasure of women through transgenderism. Thanks, but no thanks.

This brand of feminism also tells women that staying at home is subservient. Housewives like me are called “breeders, “lazy,” “mooches,” and we’re told we don’t contribute to society. Listen closely, and you’ll hear the quiet embarrassment when a woman tells some she is “just a housewife.” Focusing on our families is being sold to us with a large side of shame.

Feminist agenda has brainwashed a generation of women into believing in the invisible boogeyman, the Patriarchy. Men, as women are told, are preventing women from fulfilling their dreams and reaching their full potential. To be a stay-at-home mom is to sell yourself short. Now, see it from a Christian woman’s perspective. She could be doing big things for God, but she’s stuck home with these runny-nosed little brats… Suddenly, she thinks God is calling her away from the home and into the world to fulfill His plans for her life.

3. Some women feel guilted or pressured into stepping away from the home.

Have you ever attended a church that gave you a hard time for saying “no?” Sometimes, churches have expectations that members will do anything they are asked to do. Women face these situations all the time. Someone’s sick? Bring a meal. New baby? Sew a blanket. Ladies’ event? Bring a main dish and a side. You have a baby? Help in the nursery. You have a child? Teach children’s church. The requests (i.e., demands) go on and on.

Let’s clear this up before I go any further. None of those requests are inappropriate. It becomes so, though, when women don’t feel like they can refuse. This can happen with your personal life choices, too. Women in churches affect one another a great deal, and a housewife could easily find herself feeling like she can’t be very useful to the church because she has to be home with the kids while other women appear to be serving God in mighty ways. And believe me, she’ll hear about it from them.

Additionally, there are pressures outside the church. Years ago, a relative asked my husband when he would let me send our kids to school so I could have a break. On a different occasion, a relative told me in no uncertain terms that I was done having children. I am fairly convinced that is why my fourth child was planned and conceived. (Yes, I’m that oppositional at times.)

Whether from the church or friends and family, these pressures and comments can make a woman feel guilty or pushed into seeking out a more “productive” lifestyle.

Is It Wrong For A Christian Stay-At-Home Mom To Focus Her Ministry Energies Outside The Home?

Now we get to the argument between women in nearly every church. Can Christian moms work? Better said, should they? I have no easy answer to that question. Truly, we should consider every circumstance. Most people would agree that if a family needs the money, then the wives should be able to work. Done. That seems pretty straightforward.

But what if a mom wants to work outside the home because she feels like she can minister through entering the workforce (and subsequently putting her kids in school/daycare)? Well, she might end up having a positive impact through that decision. (I bet you thought I was going to shoot down the idea, right?) I can’t pretend like this would automatically lead to a broken home and wayward children. It can do those things, of course, but so can loads of other lifestyle choices.

Is it best?

My favorite definition of the word “discern” goes something like this: Determining which choice is good and which is best. Christian stay-at-home moms may be able to do great things if they dropped the “stay-at-home mom” part, but is it the best choice? Each family needs to carefully decide that themselves through prayer and discernment.

My husband and I decided that the best choice for our family was for me to stay home, and no, he wasn’t forcing me with his patriarchal leadership. We prayerfully weighed the options together and concluded home was the best place for me.

My husband is my biggest supporter. He thinks I can do anything I set my mind to, and he encourages me to spread my wings and try new things. I don’t quite understand why he sees me this way, but after nearly fourteen years of marriage, I’m convinced he isn’t just messing with me. So, I know he knows I could find a way to successfully pursue work outside of the house that would open doors to ministry in the community. But the cost, as we see it, is too severe.

1. My time away from home would mean more of my time was spent with housework at night when I could spend time with him and the kids.

2. The energy I’d have for the kids would very likely be depleted.

3. Time to minister to other believers from our church would substantially decrease.

4. Discipleship would now be unevenly split between me and my children’s teachers and classmates.

5. We would be making the ultimate gamble by placing our children in public school which is a form of education we don’t support.

You can read why I homeschool HERE and a challenge to parents who won’t homeschool HERE.

Does God Call Women Away From The Home?

I don’t believe God often calls Christian stay-at-home moms out of their homes. I won’t say it never happens because I don’t presume to be God, and He might have a reason to do so. It would almost have to be the exception, though…

Check Your Heart

First, I would recommend checking your motivation if you feel like God might be calling you to leave behind the “Christian stay-at-home mom” gig in order to reach the community. I do this all the time when I think I should do something new that is going to change how I minister to others. The question I ask myself is, “Julie, is this rooted in pride?” Guess what. Sometimes it is.

There is a verse in Proverbs that reminds me that I can’t make a wise decision if I am contemplating my choices from a prideful heart.

“When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom.” (emphasis mine)

Proverbs 11:2

The Bible is filled with warnings about pride, so I like to read those and search myself in light of His Word. Here are a couple warnings I return to often.

“Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”

Proverbs 26:12 (ESV)

“For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.”

1 John 2:16

The Calling Of A Christian Stay-At-Home Mom

Second, I would reevaluate what my call is because I think a Christian stay-at-home mom who wants to leave that role behind is likely missing her true calling.

Die To Self

To start, all Christians are called to die to self. Our wants and desires, though not always bad, are not the guide to our lives any longer. We serve the living God not ourselves.

“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”

Galatians 2:20

“And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.”

Luke 9:23-24

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.”

Romans 12:1

Be The Primary Educator

Next, parents are responsible for their children’s education (which is supposed to be rooted in the Word) and discipleship. I question anyone’s ability to properly educate and disciple her children if she is essentially sharing custody with a government school, despite what Jen Wilken has to say about it.

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Proverbs 22:6

“And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them [God’s Word] when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”

Deuteronomy 11:19

“And thou shalt teach them [God’s Word] diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.”

Deuteronomy 6:7-9

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Ephesians 6:4 (ESV)

Although not traditionally a passage used to discuss education, Psalm 1 instructs us with regard to the kind of people with whom we should surround ourselves. Who will we have counseling our children and walking alongside them through life? Will it be us or secular educators?

“Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.”

Psalm 1:1-2

Be A Titus 2 Woman

Finally, what are the direct instructions given to women in the New Testament?

“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Titus 2:3-5

Simply put, we ought to live out our faith as set-apart people. A significant portion of these verses focuses on the woman’s role at home and with her family. It certainly isn’t all there is to a Christian woman, but the home and her family are unquestionably a significant part of her responsibilities. Thankfully, these verses point out where to find help as we navigate motherhood, marriage, and managing a home. The Bible tells us that young women should be mentored by older (and wiser) believers.

Is There Anything For The Christian Stay-At-Home Mom To Do For Ministry?

I’ve spent so much time suggesting that Christian stay-at-home moms should probably continue being stay-at-home moms that you are questioning whether or not these women can do anything outside of their homes.

Yes! Women who want to reach the community with the gospel and the love of Christ should be encouraged. Ladies, we are just as saved as the men we know. We are just as Christian. We are just as capable. Simultaneously, we all have our roles and parts to play. We might not be pastoring a church, but we can reach others for Jesus.

Reminders For The Christian Stay-At-Home Mom

1. You don’t have to actually stay home because you are a “stay-at-home” mom.

2. You can volunteer at various organizations in the community (e.g., pregnancy help center, food bank, homeless shelter, nursing home, etc.).

3. There are ways to participate in community outreach as a stay-at-home mom. Join a book club, frequent the same parks routinely to see other moms, participate in sports at a rec center, become a regular at a local coffee shop or diner, teach lessons from home, take part in a farmer’s market… Just get involved and meet people.

4. Ministry through the church doesn’t have to look like a traditional ladies’ church thing. You don’t need to cook, sew, or play music. You don’t even need to make flyers covered in flowers if that isn’t your thing. Talk to your pastor about using your unique skills and interests to minister to others.

5. Your children can come with you to participate in ministry. In fact, I would say that bringing your kids along is a great way to demonstrate your faith to them in a real and tangible way. It also allows them to experience the joy and blessing it is to serve others.

6. Your husband and children are your first and main priority. One day the kids will grow up and move out, but for now they take precedence over other ministry opportunities. You want to witness? Share the gospel with your kids. Hoping to disciple someone? You have eighteen years to disciple and instruct your children in the things of God. Use that time, and use it wisely.

Final Thought

If money isn’t the issue, a Christian stay-at-home mom should prayerfully reconsider a decision she may have made to move on to work outside the home. There is not anything inherently wrong about it, but if activities away from home impede upon a mother’s ability to care for the home, raise her children well, and be available to her husband, then she is likely out of the will of God.

Tread carefully when making these decisions, and don’t forget that one of the best witnessing tools we have is living a biblical and counter-cultural life. Show the world the joy of living in His will and devoting yourself to your family. There isn’t much else more counter-cultural than that.

Do you think a Christian stay-at-home mom should focus her ministry attentions outside of the home? Let us know what you think!

Image courtesy of charlesdeluvio via Unsplash.