5 Ways To Push Your Kids Away From Jesus

As if being a parent wasn’t enough pressure, Christian mothers and fathers carry the added concern of their children’s spiritual condition. Sometimes, it’s all I can do to get the kids dressed, keep the squabbling to a minimum, and get dinner on the table. However, believers understand that the most important responsibility a parent has is to raise their children in the knowledge of the Lord. Of course, that doesn’t mean a parent can save a child. Only Jesus saves. Parents, though, are able to model healthy Christianity, teach their children about God, and specifically, share the gospel. Sadly, a lot of Christian parents seem to take another route. Consider, if you will, whether you draw your children to Christ or push your kids away from Jesus.

Are Our Kids Leaving Jesus Behind?

I’m not sure there is much disagreement when someone says, “Churches are losing young people.” The churches in my state, among various denominations, are struggling to pull in young families. The pews are filled with “silver saints,” but there is an obvious shortage of youth.

Before I move on, please understand that I’m not saying our senior members are not valuable and wonderful people. Churches, however, need both young and old to thrive. The older need the younger in order to disciple the future leaders of the Church. The younger need the wisdom and experience the older Christians have to share. But where are the young folk?

They’re Gone

In 2019, Barna Group reported that 64% of young adults (18-29 years old) who were raised in church have left the faith. In the same year, Lifeway Research reported the top five reasons young people gave for their drop in church attendance as:

– going to college (34%)

– church members appeared hypocritical and/or judgmental (32%)

– didn’t feel connected to people at church (29%)

– disagreed with church’s stance on social/political issues (25%)

– work responsibilities prevented church attendance (24%)

*Respondents could were permitted to give more than one response.

Young people, many raised in church, are leaving the faith behind. At first glance, the reasons seem to mostly be from the outside. We see this list and blame colleges, cultural liberalism, and work. We might even admit there are some prickly church attendees that have made church less appealing, but we don’t usually think we had any hand in the problem. Meanwhile, the truth is that our parenting may help push our kids away from Jesus.

Can You Really Push Your Kids Away From Jesus?

This seems like a good time to get in front of angry reactions to what some of y’all might misinterpret me as saying here. As I said earlier, parents can’t save their children. Therefore, parents also can’t prevent salvation.

“Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.”

John 14:6

Salvation is through Jesus alone. As much as a parent may wish to control that part of a child’s life, she can’t. Unfortunately, when kids grow up into adults who reject Jesus, parents often take the blame. They blame themselves, and other believers whisper about what those parents must have done to fail their child.

This is a bad take, ladies. Parents can do everything right, according to us, and their children may still walk away from the Lord. Other parents do a tragically bad job, and those kids become faithful Christians. For example, I grew up in a home that used our Lord’s name almost exclusively as a swear word, and I was saved at twenty-six years old. God will save who He will save.

Obediently Raise Your Children

On the other hand, the Bible gives clear instructions to parents. We are given with the Herculean task of teaching our children the Scriptures. Because we are Christians, our children should grow up learning all we can teach them about who God is and what it is to be a Christ follower.

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Proverbs 22:6

“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Ephesians 6:4

“And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.”

Deuteronomy 6:6-9

Our homes ought to be centered around the Word. God should be a part of every aspect of our lives, and if so, our children will see and learn. What they ultimately do with your parenting and teaching is out of your hands, but don’t push your kids away from Jesus. If they become born-again Christians, don’t let it be despite what you’ve brought into their lives.

When we raise our children to know Christ, we are obediently parenting them. This requires us to trust God with our children, but who loves them more than Him? It’s not us, moms. This is, perhaps, the most difficult part of parenting. Loosening our grip enough to get out of God’s way.

So, You Wanna Push Your Kids Away From Jesus?

If you were hoping to push your kids away from Jesus, this is the list for you. (But let’s hope you’re not here for this.) However, if you’d rather raise them to love the Lord and draw nearer to Him, this can also be the list for you… Just look at it like a list of things not to do. Most of the list seems obvious, but in my experience, none of these are uncommon. So, the odds are that you or someone you know is doing something from this list. Take time to consider these and be willing to admit you’ve made a mistake (if you have).

1. Shut Down Questions

Have you seen this scenario play out?

A family is sitting together at dinner discussing their day, and one of the kids (let’s say she’s twelve years old) asks her parents a question she has about something she read in the Bible. She noticed that the Bible teaches something in stark contrast to what she’s been taught in school. The daughter wants to understand why the Bible says what it says. She feels conflicted because she wants to obey God, but the biblical teaching seems unloving to her.

The parents react by telling her that the Bible is true and we can’t second-guess what we read in it. They remind her that God knows best, and her mom and dad chastise her for questioning God. In fact, they warn her that questioning God is sinful. The daughter learns after a few of these interactions that she should keep her questions and doubts to herself. After all, she doesn’t want to go to Hell…

Give Them Answers

After years of ministry, I’ve encountered stories like this more times than I can count. Who knows how many people come to church every Sunday having been discipled in little more than blind faith! Ladies, God gave us minds, and we ought to use them! In the fictional scenario above, the parents were correct when they said God knows best and the Bible is true. Absolutely! But, and this is a big “but,” people need help understanding the truths of God’s Word, and questions are not sinful.

Questions are especially common for our children and new believers. There are so many lies to combat coming from our culture, and it’s all too easy to fall for them if we don’t know how to defend our faith. And no, demanding that your kids just believe something because you said so is not going to fly. Their faith has to be their own. So, answer their questions, show them where to find God’s truth, and help them understand not just what you believe but why you believe what you do.

If you don’t answer their questions, someone else will. And those answers might have catastrophic repercussions.

2. Ignore Your Sins

So much parenting is some form of correction. Before becoming a mother, I had no idea how often I would have to explain, reteach, and correct my kids. And, oh, the sin! I was under the impression kids were innocent, but my children educated me on the sinful nature of mankind early on. With all that attention on their spiritual growth, their sinful attitudes and behaviors, and their character flaws, it would be easy to ignore my sin and shortcomings.

Children see their parents for who they truly are. They know their parents’ sin struggles intimately. Meanwhile, kids try to be obedient and submit to parents who display imperfection on a daily basis. And I think kids can handle this unless parents create an unnecessary challenge. A simple way to push your kids away from Jesus and hurt your relationship with them is to refuse to acknowledge your sin.

When, not if, you sin against your children, apologize. Our children need to see us acknowledge our sin, take responsibility, ask for forgiveness, and truly repent. Anything we teach them about Jesus can become questionable when we operate from hypocrisy and pride.

Yes, you’re the parent, but you’re not a higher spiritual being than your children. Kids need parents who demonstrate humility and repentance when it’s appropriate. They need to see a mom and dad growing in their faith rather than two people who pretend as if they have achieved the height of sanctification.

3. Focus On God’s Punishment

Without a doubt, Christians can be too grace focused. When a believer constantly talks about not being under the law and having liberty to play in the gray area between lawful and sinful, I make this face.

On the other hand, Christians shouldn’t have a knee-jerk reaction to the other side of the spectrum. Parents who focus on fire and brimstone with little attention to grace aren’t doing their children any favors. Kids who grow up in homes with constant reminders of Hell (and little else) tend to live by fear. Their obedience isn’t from love for God (John 14:15). Rather, it’s from an attempt to avoid His wrath.

How long do you suspect anyone can keep up living that way? More importantly, is someone who only understands God as a cosmic punisher going to draw close to the Lord? Kids from these homes are being pushed away from Jesus because they don’t know Him for all that He is. They are missing the hope of the gospel message. Instead of knowing they can be saved because of God’s love for us demonstrated through the extraordinary sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, they live in fear of messing up and losing out on Heaven.

What would ever draw a child to Christ if His sacrificial love for us and God’s grace were removed from Christianity, only leaving the lake of fire to be held over his or her head as a constant threat?

4. Insist On Your Convictions

So…not everything is black and white. I really struggle here because I’m super convinced about my convictions. That’s why I’m convicted, ya know? Nonetheless, I need to be diligent to discern what is commanded in the Word and what Julie adds to that. If I’m not careful, we’re veering off into legalism.

Don’t get it twisted. Parents have the right and responsibility to create a home environment that best suits their own family. My family probably has boundaries and rules against things that other Christian homes don’t have. Simultaneously, we’re definitely more permissive in some areas than other believers we know. As long as we’re clear on sin and God’s instructions for us, then we can decide what additional rules we want to include.

While my children live in our home, my husband and I expect them to follow our rules. However, we work hard to be very clear about what we have included in our family’s lifestyle based on our convictions. We do this because we want our kids to understand what the Bible actually says versus what we believe is wise.

Two Controversial Takes

Two examples of conviction issues are media and alcohol. As for media, I believe Christians should set higher standards for the kind of media they consume than the world does. In our household, we are careful and deliberate with what we allow our children to watch and listen to. I think we’re very strict, but I have met plenty of people who are way more closed off to media than we are with our kids.

Alcohol is the issue I end up making everyone angry about. I wrote a blog post about Christians drinking alcohol years ago. I’ll simplify it for our purposes now, though. In a nutshell, I see drunkenness as a sin in the Bible, but I have never been convinced that all alcohol consumption is sinful. (NyQuil users can take a deep breath.) That said, I personally don’t think believers should drink alcohol at all. Wine with dinner? Nope. A celebratory glass of champagne? Nah.

Our children live by the rules we have set in place about these issues because they are children and live in our home. When they are grown and out of the house, however, they know they will need to decide for themselves how they will live. They know there is thus saith the Lord, and it’s not the same as thus saith mom.

Create extrabiblical laws for your children, and you’ll have no trouble pushing your kids away from Jesus. Trust God to guide them through the gray areas and allow them to have convictions of their very own. We do want them to have their own personal faith, right?

5. Be A Sunday-Only Christian

Most of us attend church on Sunday morning. Depending on your denomination and church culture, that may be it for church services each week. Our church is more old school. We have Sunday School for all ages, morning service, youth programing in the evening, and an evening service. Yes, Sunday is exhausting for those of us serving in church ministries. Our church still meets midweek for a prayer and devotional service, as well. A lot of you might feel as if that’s a lot of church for one week. I’m here to say, it’s not enough time for God.

Hold on. Don’t get all defensive. I’m not really talking about church services. Whether you only attend one service a week or ten, you shouldn’t leave God at the church doors. Too many churchgoers put on their Sunday face for one morning and then go home to live as if God isn’t real for the rest of the week. If you think kids don’t see through that phony Christianity, you’re a fool.

How important could God possibly be if He isn’t an active part of your life all week? What message does that kind of Christianity send to our children? I’ll tell you the message. It says that God is just something we check off our list every week, and the rest of our time is about what is most important to us. Ourselves. The takeaway for a child in a home like that is that we don’t need Jesus. I can’t imagine anything that could more easily push your kids away from Jesus than telling them they don’t need Him.

Final Thought

Any conversation about parenting and a child’s spiritual condition is potentially hurtful. I have zero intentions of pointing fingers, placing blame, or assigning more responsibility to parents than they already have. As I said earlier, we can’t save our kids. But we can and should hold ourselves accountable for what God instructs us to do. As we raise our children, let’s do occasional self-assessments. Are we discipling our kids in a way that draws them closer to God, or are we pushing our kids away from Jesus?

How have you seen Christian parents push their kids away from Christ? What would you do differently?

Image courtesy of Artyom Kabajev via Unsplash.