Kids In Church: They’re Not Too Young

It’s Sunday morning, and your home is chaos. Dishes overflow the sink, crumbs are lurking on every surface, kids are arguing, no one is dressed for the day yet, and you’ve lost your coffee (check the microwave). You had planned to have your children sit with you in the church service today, but you’re wondering if they’re too wound up. Besides, your kids aren’t old enough to get much out of it, right? Wrong. Sitting with your kids in church is not only a valid option, it’s a blessing to your family. Don’t give up on the idea yet.

Not One Way To Have Your Kids In Church

We should kick things off with a simple acknowledgement. There is more than one way to have kids in church. Without a doubt, there is merit to children’s classes, gathering children in the front of the auditorium for a short lesson, and to having children in the auditorium the entire church service. Today, though, I am just focusing on children in the main service.

I’m concentrating on this element of having kids in church because it seems the most frowned upon. Rarely, if ever, do parents get side-eye for utilizing the nursery or dropping their children off to the children’s wing of a church.

On the other hand, walk your nursing infant and toddler into a typical American church, decline to utilize the children’s ministry, and watch the looks you get. Sit back and wait for the “helpful” suggestions and “harmless” questions.

“You’ll be more comfortable with your children in our kids’ classes.”

(speaking to your preschooler directly) “Wouldn’t you like to go to your own class to play with other kids and have juice and cookies?”

“I hope you’ll take them out to the lobby if they start to make noise.”

“Oh, I’ve never seen anyone at this church keep their kids in the main service…”

Do you have to keep your little ones with you throughout the service? No? But you certainly can, and it can be good for them, too.

Why People Don’t Want Kids In Church

Not all churchgoers dislike having children in the main service. My church loves it, and generally, our members interpret the sounds of children as a blessing. Plus, there are many churches that don’t have any young families despite longing for them. That’s why I find churches that are less welcoming to kids so odd.

Ultimately, I believe churches which insist on removing children from the main service fall into one of two camps. First, some people think church should be silent aside from the occasional Werther’s Original wrapper. This mindset insists that worship can’t happen in the presence of fidgety kids who make sounds unrelated to the service. I suppose there is a relationship between reverence and silence in the church auditorium for these folks.

Second, a lot of people have adopted the public-school mentality and applied it to every learning environment. Believe it or not, there was a time when children of all ages learned in the same classroom and social groups weren’t limited to peers born in the same calendar year. However, now we see age segregated classes as the normative learning environment or even the best.

How To Keep Your Kids In Church

I’d argue that kids do not, in fact, only learn well surrounded by their same-aged peers. Additionally, the Bible doesn’t need to be taught to them at very low level in order to gain knowledge. So, let’s assume you agree with me and feel compelled to have your family hear the preaching of the Word together. Are you ready for that? Do you know what to expect? Here are some things to keep in mind when you feel like bailing on the whole thing.

1. Prepare For Extra Noise

Kids are a constant source of sound. As someone who gets easily overwhelmed by excessive sound, I struggle with five kids between seven and fourteen years of age in my home. Seriously, I’m not sure they really understand what quiet means.

Please, don’t think children loudly talking (or screaming, singing, humming, etc.) should be permissible, but complete silence is unreasonable. Are you silent during church? Try to keep the sound under control while expecting some chatter and childlike sound effects to pepper the service.

Just come into church knowing that your children will make noise. Having kids in church means sometimes hearing kids in church. Therefore, when Judgy Janet starts giving you looks, then you give them right back! Well, no. Don’t do that. That’s bad advice. Instead, ignore Janet or give a friendly smile.

2. Allow Movement

I probably cross and uncross my legs a dozen times throughout a church service. I also find myself shifting in my seat a lot to get comfortable. If a forty-two-year-old woman needs to move that often during a typical church service, then why in the world would anyone expect a child to sit still?

Kids fidget, bounce their legs, readjust, touch things around them, and whatever else they need to do so that they can use some of that energy bottled up inside. I’m guessing most kids in church would run circles around the auditorium if given the chance, but you can avoid that if you determine boundaries ahead of time.

Choose how much space your kids can take up and how much movement is allowed before the church service begins. Maybe they can freely move over half a pew or five chairs. Do they need to be sitting on their backsides? Should they always face the front? Think those kinds of things through and then teach and reteach those boundaries to your children until they understand and obey. Spoiler: You’ll need to tell them more than once. A lot more.

3. Strategic Seating

I’m a pastor’s wife. I know…ooh la la…I’m such a big deal…

In most churches I’ve attended, the pastor’s wife has been in or near the front row with her family. I don’t mind the front row, but visibility comes with that front row seat. I’m not necessarily a huge fan of being seen, but having my young children on display was definitely not going to happen. It felt like setting them up for failure.

Therefore, when we came to our current church, I immediately took a seat near the back. It allowed for less eyes to land on our family, and that seating choice gave me a quick exit, if necessary. My youngest was not quite two, and my oldest was nine. I had plenty of reasons, diapers and emergency bathroom trips being chief among them, to want a speedy and unnoticed exit during service.

It’s strategic to sit somewhere that will make your family the most comfortable and meet whatever needs may come up. Is the front bad? No. Sit there with your kids if that works for you, but if keeping your kids in church is new to you, consider taking a play from this Back Row Baptist’s playbook.

4. Have Quiet Activities

Depending on their age, kids in church might need more to do than sit and listen. Even with some space to move about, younger kids need something to touch. My teenagers actually listen better if they can quietly doodle during the service. I was absolutely sure that they were ignoring their father’s sermons, but they consistently knew what the messages were about. It turns out their hands just needed something to do.

Bring quiet toys, notebooks with writing utensils (leave those markers at home), or books. My kids all liked having their own Bibles when they were little. They couldn’t read them yet, but their Bibles had pictures in them to look at. They would ask me to find where everyone else was reading from and sit with their open Bibles, sometimes flipping through them to see the pictures.

If you don’t have anything from home, let them hold a hymnal. Children love to open them up and look at the music. I think knowing that all the adults use them makes hymnals more interesting than they would be otherwise, but who cares why they’ll sit quietly with one? Some churches offer the kids in church activity bags filled with crayons, coloring books, word searches, etc. When all else fails, ask someone in the church if there is something you can give your child to do. The nursery or children’s ministry workers will probably have something.

5. Reinforce It At Home

I won’t lie. The struggle to keep kids “appropriate” in church services is real. We have to train them to behave correctly because most families don’t have the same behavioral expectations at home as they do in church. And that’s a good thing in most cases.

In every area of my life, I keep relearning the same thing. I am usually at least partially to blame for my children’s behavior. If your kids won’t obey you in church, then I would consider that you may have dropped the ball along the way. I say this, friend, as a ball dropper myself. I’ve lost count of how many times my children have done or said something that shocks me to the core just to realize that it resembled me, or I hadn’t corrected something earlier that would have prevented the current issue.

Don’t forget to reinforce with fun. Littles need to learn how to behave in different environments, and the best way they learn is through play. Make it a game at home to practice sitting for church and doing something quietly. Your children won’t suddenly do what you want them to on Sunday morning if you haven’t addressed it at home first.

6. Have A Good Attitude

Kids pick up on our attitudes and they internalize them. If church feels like a chore to you because your children are with you, they will notice it and treat church like a chore, too. They’ll mimic your frustration and annoyance, as well. So, the best thing you can do is focus on why you’re keeping your kids with you in church.

You might have no choice because your church has no children’s ministry. In that case, you either go to church with the kids or you don’t go at all. Attending is always the best decision in these scenarios.

On the other hand, you might have children’s ministry options where you attend, but you are convicted that your children should stay with you during service. Great. You made the choice, mama, and now you need to see it through.

No matter the reason you keep your kids in church with you, you have an opportunity to share your love for Jesus with them. They can sing hymns with you, pray with you, and hear God’s Word. Worshiping together gives your kids a chance to (quietly) ask questions about what they’re hearing and seeing. Moreover, you’re normalizing the church experience in their lives. If you keep these things in mind, how can you help but have a good attitude?

Before you pack up the kids for the main service, I’d like to warn you of four things you shouldn’t do if you want to make the experience better.

Don’t Do This With Kids In Church

1. Give Up Too Soon

It might be really difficult. There will probably be Sundays spent training and correcting significantly more than “getting something out of the message.” It may sound harsh, but that’s parenthood. We sacrifice a lot of our preferences and comforts for our children. It’s no different in church.

It’s going to take time. So, if you want your children to come to church services with you, then you’ll need to invest the time. New habits don’t form overnight. Be patient.

2. Expect More Than Your Child Can Do

When you have a baby, the pediatrician constantly assesses her abilities to determine whether or not she is meeting her developmental milestones. We usually think about physical milestones such as picking up finger foods, crawling, walking, clapping, and babbling. Milestones, however, continue throughout childhood in every area of a child’s life. We understand this intuitively because, for example, none of us expects a twelve-year-old and a six-year-old to behave the same way, even when they are in the same setting.

Now, think about these children at church. A twelve-year-old will be much more capable of sitting still and listening quietly to the pastor as he preaches than the six-year-old. Also, the older child’s “inside voice” will be much more reasonable and used significantly less. Meanwhile, the younger child will probably have considerably less self-discipline and need to be reminded about boundaries and expectations during church. We know this without being told.

Yet, adults frequently expect all kids to meet the same expectations. This means the bar is set far too high for some children. They literally haven’t matured enough to do what they’ve been told to, and they’re set up for failure. Do everyone a favor, consider what is realistic for your kids. Start there. You can always raise expectations in the future.

3. Treat The Auditorium Like Your Living Room

Don’t be the family that leaves food, drink spills, and trash littered on and around your seats. Pick up after yourself because 1.) It’s the decent thing to do 2.) It models appropriate behavior to your children, and 3.) leaving a mess behind will not make Judgy Janet or her comrades come around.

Also, can we all agree that kids climbing the furniture and running around is a bad look? If you let your children treat the auditorium like a play room, you are being disrespectful to church property and those nearby.

4. Rely On Screens

I understand the temptation to plop a screen in your kids’ laps and let them play a game or watch something during church. They’ll be quiet and you can enjoy the service without interruption. But what does that teach them? You’re telling them that church isn’t for them, and using that device conveys the message, “Church isn’t more important than your games/show/movie.”

Final Thought

All parents need to decide how to raise their children, and they should consider what works best for their family. This, of course, includes how to worship. Although most churchgoers choose the same approach with their children, some parents will want to decline children’s ministries and attend church together instead. It isn’t a condemnation of children’s ministry or a commentary on the other children and their families. It’s simply another legitimate way to bring up children in church.

I hope more parents include their children in church services from time to time. Kids will understand more of the message than we think, and they benefit from worshiping and spending time with people of all ages. They’re not too young to hear God’s Word being preached and worship alongside their parents. If you want to, keep your kids in church with you. You won’t be sorry.

Do you ever bring your children to the main church service instead of children’s church?

Image courtesy of Priscilla Du Preez via Unsplash.