What To Do When Homeschool Gets Hard

Usually, when you ask a homeschool parent about homeschooling, she will tell you how wonderful it is and proceed to list every benefit homeschooling offers. In fact, she’ll probably list things that are not true for her personally but she knows is true for other homeschoolers. I think that kind of positivity is great, and I want to encourage everyone to homeschool. At the same time, that overly positive representation of homeschool might be doing some unintended damage. Are we making homeschoolers feel like failures when they are struggling? Do we come across as “perfect” to others and accidentally discourage families from homeschooling because they believe they aren’t good enough? Well, I’m here to say it for everyone to hear. Homeschooling is challenging. But hope isn’t lost when homeschool gets hard.

What It Looks Like When Homeschool Gets Hard

Every family and each member in those families is unique. As I move forward, please understand that I’m speaking in generalities. There are a lot of struggles and difficulties homeschool families can and will face over the course of their children’s education, however, some bumps in the road are very common. Let’s look at what I think of as ten of the most typical struggles homeschool families encounter.

1. Curriculum Overload

This problem can easily be deemed a “First World problem.” Essentially, we are spoilt for choice in America when it comes to curriculum. I have witnessed new homeschool moms freeze at curriculum fairs because they don’t know where to begin.

Is your approach Charlotte Mason, unschooling, traditional/school-at-home, eclectic, unit study, Montessori, or classical? Will you join a co-op? Do you want to piece your curriculum together or buy an all-in-one package? Seriously, the questions we need to consider before choosing our curriculum is seemingly endless.

Ultimately, a lot of us become discouraged and insecure about our choices. We wonder if our child would be more successful with a different math or literature curriculum. Sometimes, we even change our entire approach in a knee-jerk reaction to a bad week which only causes more stress and insecurity.

2. The Curriculum Is Not A Good Fit

Not every homeschooler chucks out the curriculum when homeschooling gets hard. Some of us bunker down for the long haul. We bought it, and we plan to use it…no matter what.

Personally, I’m a proponent of giving things a real chance. It can take time to adjust to the new school year, learn how to best teach the curriculum, and find a rhythm. On the other hand, we need to consider when it isn’t a good fit.

Homeschool parents can have a hard time discerning whether or not the curriculum is the problem. Home education is filled with distractions and potential issues. Remember, life is still happening all around the family while it “does school.”

I haven’t met many homeschool parents who do not worry about whether or not their children are learning enough, and using a curriculum that might be working against your goals only makes the task at hand more difficult. In truth, school can feel insurmountable in those cases.

3. Uncooperative Kids

Brace yourself for this reality. Homeschool kids don’t always cooperate with school. The moms who talk about how homeschool has put their kids two grades ahead and say their children never put up a fuss about school are the minority. Don’t assume every child values education above all else at all times.

Most of us have days when one or more of our kids dig their heels in and refuse to do something. Better yet, they cry and slam doors and roll their eyes and…and… Clearly, there’s a discipline issue to address, but that’s not a discussion for today. My point is simply that some days moms and dads have to battle stubbornness and behaviors as well the textbooks.

4. A Child Is Struggling With A Subject

One of the greatest fears homeschool parents have is that they are not able to teach their children. That fear feels like a reality once one of their children struggles with a subject. Sometimes kids do poorly in public school, too, but homeschool parents internalize this speed bump as if they and homeschooling are inherently to blame.

A struggling student can discourage families from homeschooling at all. Some parents assume they don’t have the skills to help their child and will only hurt them academically.

5. Life Interruptions

Educating at home allows families to have more flexibility with appointments, vacations, outings, and even the time of year homeschooling takes place. Real life and school proceed concurrently.

Daily life, however, can add a challenge to homeschooling because it is always competing for everybody’s attention. Housework, visitors (who often don’t understand you are busy with school even though you are home), phone calls, deliveries, appointments, and a whole bevy of things frequently invade the homeschool day. Not to mention, illness and injury can derail an otherwise perfectly planned school week.

Homeschool gets hard when it feels like you’re always playing catch-up and can’t manage to get through one day without something popping up and changing the trajectory of the day or week.

6. Can’t Keep Up With Housework…Or Anything Else

I have a stereotypical Type A personality. I like things “just so.” You wouldn’t know it, though, if you saw the giant piles of laundry waiting to be folded in my bedroom or the abundance of cat hair in the office.

I thought staying home and homeschooling would mean lots of free time.

Instead, my day is filled with cooking meals, cleaning up the immediate messes, and homeschooling. Time for chores, projects, or even making a doctor’s appointment can be tough to find. That makes the home seem unfinished.

I walk into a clean room and see the shelf that needed to get dusted. And I feel terrible. I notice the tub needs to be scrubbed again, but I’m short on time. And I feel like a failure. How can I homeschool and be the housewife I want to be?

Falling behind in my housework doesn’t make school harder, but it can make me frustrated and feel resentful about homeschooling. A recipe for disaster.

7. No Time For Me

Decision fatigue. Exhaustion. Weight gain. Lethargy. Mental fog. No, these are not symptoms of an illness. Rather, these are some of the symptoms of taking care of everyone else but yourself. This is what happens when you pour yourself into homeschooling, housework, family, and church while neglecting yourself.

I won’t speak for you, but when I have some combination of those symptoms, I bring a poor attitude to school. The Twix bar and fifteen coffees I had that morning just don’t seem to cut it, and I’m short-tempered and over it. What’s it? Just all of it. If you know, you know.

Not devoting any time to my needs is one of the instances I can blame only myself when homeschool gets hard.

8. Trouble Balancing Mom And Teacher

Things can get really tough in your homeschool due to the dual role as mom and teacher. By the end of the day, it can feel like you have only had corrective, instructive, and commanding interactions with your kids.

I want to hang out with my kids and play. I desire those fun, carefree days that we see in vacation destination advertisements. My job as my children’s teacher, though, requires that I give a lot of instruction and correction. The days can become one command after another.

“Finish your grammar.” “Pick up your books, please.” “Move over so your sister can sit down, too.” “Go practice piano while I finish your brother’s phonics lesson.”

By the time we’re done with our school day, I’m more teacher than mom. I’m both of these things, of course, but it’s easier to default to giving instructions than building relationships and easing up. It can be a tightrope act to be both mom and teacher.

9. A New Baby

I have five children, so I’ve been down this road a few times. You thought homeschooling was hard before? Do it on three hours of interrupted sleep and whacky hormones. Then, tell me how difficult homeschooling can be.

In all transparency, babies didn’t affect our homeschool. I planned time off, but we usually started back quickly because the kids wanted to. Besides, that baby eats and sleeps. The end. Certainly, I can teach phonics while my baby nurses and naps.

However, that sweet bundle of sleepy snuggles and gurgles will grow and begin moving around. That child will climb everything, grab at only the dangerous items, and this toddler will probably spill something on your expensive teacher’s manual. (Take a breath. Coffee spills won’t ruin your book. Don’t ask how I know.) 

It might take a year or two, but that new baby ensures that homeschool will get hard one day. Is it worth it? Every second. But it’s still awful at times.

10. Loneliness

I have no statistics to share, but ten years of homeschooling tells me that loneliness among homeschool moms is a pretty big deal. Many of them are home with the children all day while their husbands work. These ladies struggle to meet other moms, get out enough to make connections, feel comfortable having people over, and having enough energy to make any real efforts to forge relationships.

Homeschool gets hard when you feel like you are alone and have no support network. Even if the schooling is going well, the loneliness mom is feeling makes it feel like a daily struggle.

Let’s not fail to mention that some homeschool children feel isolated and alone, too. It is natural to long for relationships, and we should not deprive them, or ourselves, of opportunities to make friends. Homeschool doesn’t have to feel like a prison sentence.

How to Handle When Homeschool Gets Hard

I would not be surprised to discover many of you reading have even more ideas for things that make homeschool a challenge. Knowing the challenges is a key component to success, but it isn’t enough. We need to think through what we can do to overcome or, better yet, avoid the struggles.

1. Ask God For Help

God cares about you, and there is nothing too small or too “unspiritual” to bring to Him. I quote this verse a lot because it’s applicable so often in our lives.

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.”

Philippians 4:6

Don’t stress out and worry about your homeschool. Move forward in faith and tell the Lord your concerns. Ask Him for wisdom.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”

James 1:5 (ESV)

2. Accept Your Limitations

Say it with me. I am not God, and I am only ONE person. There are more amazing resources and experiences for homeschoolers than I will ever be able to make happen for my children. I have to let go of the idea that I can do it all. So do you.

I can only teach so much. There will come a day when my kids need extra help that I am unable to give. Thankfully, it is 2023, and I have free and easy access to helps and resources at my fingertips. Not to mention, a lot of curricula offer streaming and DVD resources. Ladies, we don’t have to know it all. We just need to know where to find the answers.

As for the house, lower your expectations. You live in a home full of children who are actively learning. Besides, y’all are there all day. (At least when kids go away to school they give the house a break from all their messes!) You can keep a clean and tidy house without hospital corners. You’re creating a home, not a museum.

3. Don’t Compare

Comparison ruins everything. Marriages , friendships, ministries, and homeschooling. Pinterest, Instagram, Facebook, Tik Tok, and all the other social media I’m too old to know about offers curated looks into others’ homes. Don’t believe it. That is not their reality.

Moreover, your family is unique. All families have their own strengths, weaknesses, priorities, and interests. Chasing another family’s dream life might end with you being disappointed because it’s impossible to be anyone but yourself. Embrace who your family is and make it the best it can be. You don’t have to hike, go to amusement parks, or excel at handiwork to be a successful homeschool family. Follow your passions, and build deep relationships with your husband and children.

4. Remember Your Kids Are Unique

Your neighbor’s daughter is a gifted pianist, but yours is struggling with nursey rhyme songs? So what! Be happy for that girl, and allow your daughter to be who she is without feeling like you’ve failed her.

This isn’t always easy. I was at a homeschooler community picnic years ago. My daughter had just started piano lessons, and one of the other moms asked, “Well, what else does she play?” Her tone was very expectant. I looked her square in the face and said, “She’s just doing piano.” I was dying inside from embarrassment, but I wanted her to see the confident me. Her response was, “Well, one day you’ll get her involved like my girl.” I have a bit of an angry streak, but I’ve never been truly tempted to physical violence. Until that day.

I knew my daughter wouldn’t thrive with too many activities. She was overwhelmed and insecure about trying new things. We were just attempting piano to test the waters. As it turns out, she loved it and took to it quickly. I doubt that would have happened if I also had her on a basketball team and learning violin.

5. Be Flexible

Let’s just say you shouldn’t fill out your planner in pen. Life happens and sometimes even a curriculum gets tossed aside for something more appropriate. Be willing to change your schedule and accommodate for your children’s learning needs.

One of the greatest parts of homeschooling is the flexibility. Don’t be so stuck in a routine that you miss out on unexpected opportunities, blessings, and ministries. Of course, you can’t always cancel school and shift things around. There’s a balance to strike, and flexibility will be an invaluable tool to navigate that balancing act.

6. Schedule Fun

Fun doesn’t have to be after learning. In fact, that may guarantee no fun at all. Plan fun activities or trips as part of your lessons. Go to the zoo, hike on a nature trail, use P.E. for family time, or celebrate successes with prizes or a movie night.

Homeschool doesn’t have to be serious all the time. Laugh and play while you learn. It will make your day easier, and they’ll learn better.

7. Remember Yourself

Don’t neglect your needs. We need healthy food, exercise, quiet (some of us), and mental stimulation. Some of us need a creative outlet. Believe it or not, this blog is part of my self-care. I needed a way to reach out to others and to create something. It felt weird doing something completely unrelated to my kids at first, but now I’m really glad I did.

It isn’t selfish to think about yourself. You’ll be a better wife, mother, and teacher if your needs are met.

8. Find Community

You don’t have to be alone. Reach out to other homeschoolers, join a co-op, introduce yourself to homeschoolers when you see them out and about. Don’t think there are any others? Well, who else goes to the park at 10:30 in the morning on a Tuesday during the school year?

This task is not always easy because some of us live in rural areas that simply have fewer people and opportunities. In those cases, crack open that laptop and seek homeschoolers that way. I was connected to homeschool families in Wisconsin months before we moved there by searching on Facebook and Google.

The other obstacle that I believe is most common is YOU. The homeschooling parent. Most of us don’t want to get out of our comfort zone, and this can make meeting people significantly more unlikely. We like our schedule and predictable days. If you or the kids are lonely, though, shake things up a bit. It really is worth it.

9. Remember Why You Homeschool

Christian, why do you homeschool? I’m sure there are a lot of reasons out there, but the primary one should be to raise our children to know, love, and obey the Lord.

“And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.”

Deuteronomy 6: 7-8

Also, by homeschooling, we are able to help them stay away from ungodly influences and instructors who would pull them away from God’s Word and toward the world’s wisdom.

“Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.”

Psalm 1: 1-3

If you keep your eyes on Him and His ways, then you’ll have all you need when homeschool gets hard.

Final Thought

We all have our own struggles, and homeschool is undoubtedly going to bring you some more. No matter how many benefits it offers, there will be days you want to quit. Those are the wrong days to make that decision. I saw Todd Wilson (The Family Man) speak at a homeschool convention in the early years of my homeschool career. He told a story that I go back to often.

Wilson said he and his wife decided to take homeschool one year at a time. They figured they could just reassess after each year and decided what step to take next. Eventually, Wilson told his wife that as long as they used this approach, they had an escape hatch from homeschooling when it got hard. He asked her to close that hatch for good and commit with him to homeschooling no matter what life threw at them.

I think about that often. My husband and I agreed to homeschool all of our children through high school. That doesn’t mean I don’t look at that yellow bus with envy sometimes or cry at the end of the night because that day had been a disaster. I most certainly do. But I always go back to that commitment my husband and I made to God. We know this is His will for our family, and choose to obey Him. Homeschool gets hard, but it never ceases to bless my children and our family. My earnest prayer is that you can say the same.

What would add? Do you have a struggle or tactic I didn’t mention?

More Posts On Homeschool:

My Honest And Unfiltered Reasons For Homeschooling

Are Your Reasons To Not Homeschool Actually Excuses?

10 Things I Wish I’d Known Before Homeschooling

Homeschool Doubt: An Annual Tradition

Reviewing Ken Ham’s Family Homeschool Experience

Large Family Homeschooling: How I Do It

Image courtesy of sofatutor via Unsplash.