5 Things I Don’t Do As A Housewife

Thanks to the tradwife trend and the unrealistic expectations set before us on social media, a lot of housewives are trying to be someone they aren’t. It’s completely normal to strive to be the best at what we do, but just because someone else does it doesn’t make it the best. Allow me to share five things I don’t do as a housewife with no guilt or regret. Hopefully, it will encourage you to be yourself rather than who you think you should be based on others’ lives.

The Stresses Of Being A Housewife

At first glance, a woman telling people what she doesn’t do as a stay-at-home wife and mother may seem strange. This is especially true if you come from the “she’s just a housewife” camp. According to a bunch of people on Reddit, housewives aren’t doing anything, anyway. Apparently, women like me are lazy, self-indulgent moochers who have no interests or purpose.

I let the negative perception slide off my back, but I know for a fact that plenty of housewives read that narrative online and feel terrible about themselves. Then, they watch “perfect” stay-at-home moms on social media and see other homemakers in their social circles appear to lead aspirational lives. More often than not, those women are only showing us part of the story, but the pressure to emulate these successful housewives is strong. But why try to be someone we’re not?

The daily grind of keeping a home, caring for children, possibly homeschooling, and being a wife has a host of stressors. However, the most stressful aspect of being a homemaker might just be other homemakers. And we do that to ourselves, ladies. I’m giving you permission (not that you need it) to let go of the things you struggle to incorporate into your life. I’ll give you five examples of what I’ve tossed to the side to get you started.

Nah, I Don’t Do These Things

Things I Don’t Do As A Housewife #1: Buy Into Fads

My Fad Mistake

Housewives are such an easy target for anyone willing to market to the tired and well-intentioned wife and mother. I’ll give you an example from my own life. I was in the nursery of my homeschool co-op discussing meal planning when one of the women introduced two words to my vocabulary. Instant Pot. I was intrigued as she explained how it had revolutionized her life. Dinner done in minutes! No planning necessary! Delicious and nutritious food!

This kitchen appliance was pretty expensive for our family, but I had to have one. Everything I saw online was positive, and many of the women I knew had one and thought it was an indispensable addition to their kitchen. I quickly talked my husband into buying an 8-quart unit. As soon as it was home, I unboxed it and started making chicken cacciatore for dinner.

So, how did it go? Not great, y’all. No one told me the cook time was only a portion of the real time I’d spend making dinner. This pot seemed to take forever to build up pressure, and then I had to release the steam and allow it to depressurize. Suddenly, my twenty-minute dinner was closing in on forty minutes. Adding insult to injury, it tasted bland and nothing like the flavorful version I made on the stovetop. We found this to be true for every meal we tried. Now, this huge pot makes an appearance for the rare occasions we’re making large batches of rice, hard-boiled eggs, or chicken breasts. Of course, I don’t need an Instant Pot to make any of that… But hey, every good housewife just had to have one.

Sourdough

My Instant Pot is the only big step I took into housewife fads, but there’s always another around the corner. Eventually, we see other women using something, and we “know” this new thing will make all the difference in our lives. Even a particular bread can be marketed to us as an essential part of homemaking.

Sourdough, for example, is so good! If it’s a bread choice at a restaurant, I’ll often get it. Have you noticed, though, that sourdough has become a personality trait now? Women are obsessed with sourdough starters, and so many appear to be thoroughly convinced this bread indicates superior homemaking. Are you even a housewife if you don’t make your own sourdough??? I’ve even seen Christian men on X put it on lists delineating the godly traits men ought to look for in a future wife. Need more evidence that the sourdough fad may have gotten a bit out of hand? Check out this sourdough kit from the Ballerina Farm selling for $89.00 before shipping and taxes.

The Opportunity

The other big fad moving throughout homemaker social groups is that MLM. Which one? Well, whichever one is popular at the moment. It strikes our ranks on two fronts. First, it targets our desire to have the next big thing that will make us healthy, better looking, better homemakers, etc. There’s no harm in wanting to be better, but certainly every MLM product your friends are selling can’t be right for you.

The second area of attack is our families’ finances. If we sell this product, we’ll make enough money to elevate our standard of living. That’s the claim, at least. The reality is that a regular income from these endeavors is the exception, not the rule. Blame that on what you will, but no matter how you look at it, that “Hey, Hun” message that slid into your DMs may very well be a fad that you ultimately regret getting involved with. Proceed with caution; that’s all I’m saying. Just because it’s great for someone doesn’t mean it’s great for everyone.

Things I Don’t Do As A Housewife #2: Make Everything From Scratch

When I quit my job to become a housewife, I needed to find any way to save money that I could. I made my own cleaners, used cloth diapers and wipes, shared one car with my husband, stretched my meals with beans and rice, and made as much as possible from scratch.

As our household income increased and we welcomed more children, my time became much more valuable to me. I have days that I sit down after the kids go to bed and can’t think of anything I accomplished outside of staying afloat. Homeschool, meals, cleanup, errands, discipline, and other responsibilities can steal the days away. So, what could I take out of my day in order to free up some time? Cooking from scratch.

I still make things from scratch, but I also go through seasons in which I almost never do. Either way, I don’t stress about it. In fact, there are some things I almost never make from scratch any longer. Bread is the most glaring example. If it’s a bread with special purpose such as pizza crust or stromboli, then I make it myself. On the other hand, you’ll almost never find me making my own rolls or loaves of bread. I love to make them, but I have decided to prioritize my time differently. And you know what? My family is just fine.

Things I Don’t Do As A Housewife #3: Reject Medicine

I’m not sure when it happened, but being a Christian housewife seems to have become linked with a disassociation with medicine. I felt bombarded by mothers who wanted to educate me on how to treat everything from a rash to a severe flu in the early years of my marriage. They meant well, but I quickly noticed an overall rejection of modern medicine and doctors. Some people have a tincture ready for any medical ailment, and they’re convinced no medicine can surpass it.

I have a healthy skepticism of nearly everything these days, and the pandemic only made me more apt to question any medical advice I receive. That said, I’m not ready to throw away tried-and-true medications for some essential oil blends and a chiropractor. Perhaps we should see them as resources alongside the rest of our medical interventions. In the end, each family should decide what’s best for their specific needs, but I’m unwilling to push aside any options completely…even if medical professionals and the government have proven they can’t always be trusted at their word.

Things I Don’t Do As A Housewife #4: Clean And Cook All Day

A clean home is my preference. I love when everything is exactly where it belongs, and all my surfaces are really clean. I have five children, though, and they continue to insist on living in my home. So, that pretty much makes it impossible to keep our house up to my cleanliness standards unless all I do is clean it. Now, I strive for a tidy home, but it always looks like we live here because we do live here.

Cooking could also take over my entire life if I let it. Three meals a day for seven people can be an enormous undertaking, especially if I was still making everything from scratch. Instead, my meal plans include the children making their own lunches, warming up premade breakfasts, and my husband takes on a couple meals each week, too, because he wants to take some of the load off me. (He’s pretty great!)

Giving myself some grace with cleaning and cooking frees up time for me to take my kids on outings for field trips or even simply for an ice cream cone. We have time to hang out as a family, engage in impromptu and important conversations, and say “yes” when a fun opportunity presents itself.

Freeing my day up and lowering my self-imposed high standards gives me time for my marriage and myself, as well. Life isn’t about serving ourselves, but pursuing interests, building relationships, and enjoying hobbies is good for us. I strongly believe it makes us better parents, spouses, and friends. So, I’ll continue to let the dishes sit on a Thursday night in order to finish writing my new blog post. I enjoy what I’m doing, and the dishes will be there in the morning. They always are. (*disappointed sigh*)

Things I Don’t Do As A Housewife #5: Be Subservient To My Husband

“Oh, you’re a housewife? So, you just let your husband tell you what to do?”

No. I try to be a submissive wife because it’s the biblical thing to do, and it’s honestly the best way for a healthy marriage to function. But folks, let’s not confuse submission with being subservient. Subservient suggests being less important or less valuable than one’s husband. This term also indicates a willingness to obey without question. Really, it’s the false stereotype of the brainless housewife whose husband bosses her around while she politely smiles and makes a casserole. I don’t do that.

I’m my own person with a strong personality, my own opinions, and the ability to think for myself. However, I’m also one half of a married couple, and my husband is the head of our home. But like any good leader, he knows when to delegate and recognizes his partner’s strengths and weaknesses. We work together, but in the end, I’ll defer to him when it’s necessary. (Here’s hoping he doesn’t read this and test me on my claim.)

As far as I’m concerned, ladies, you can live your lives as you please but take my lead on this one. Don’t be subservient to anyone. Submission is done willingly by a wife as each partner fulfills his or her biblical role. Subservience, on the other hand, is not part of a biblical marriage, and it’s a dangerous way to live.

Final Thought

Over the years, I’ve often wondered if being a housewife was enough, but at this point I can see it’s more than enough. It might even be too much at times. Your day-to-day life may look very different from mine, but I hope we can agree on this one thing. How one of us performs her role as a housewife should not dictate how anyone else does it. Do what works for you and remove what doesn’t. Just keep Jesus at the center of it all.

What don’t you do as a housewife?

Image courtesy of Pierre Bamin via Unsplash.