10 Things I Wish I’d Known Before Homeschooling

I’ve never sent my children to school. Our children’s education began and continues today under the banner of “Homeschool.” Some families hide their homeschooling or keep it quiet. I, on the other hand, wear it like a badge of honor. I love it, and I think there are loads of people who would love it, too, if they gave it a chance. (Forced by a worldwide pandemic, however, is not the ideal scenario.) Despite my homeschool enthusiasm, I didn’t enter it fully aware of what was to come. I knew the curriculum and logistical things backwards and forwards, but there was so much more to learn. Here are ten things I wish I has known before homeschooling

1. Some days my kids will hate homeschooling.

I was shocked to hear my children complain about school for the first time. What was not to like? The homeschool days, especially when they were younger, were a matter of a couple of hours. They never needed to seek attention or wait for an entire class to finish an assignment before moving onto the next subject. The school uniform was whatever they wanted. Batman costume, pajamas, and mismatched outfits were all acceptable in my schoolhouse. So, what was the problem?!

Kids struggle with a sin nature from the beginning, and homeschool parents have a front row seat to it. Essentially, my kids don’t want to be told what to do and want to be their own bosses. Frustrating? Yes. An opportunity? Oh yeah! If they have a meltdown over some minor thing, then I’m there to deal with it. I’m the one to comfort, instruct, and disciple them when their sin nature rears its inevitable head.

I wish I had known my kids wouldn’t always see the privilege they have in homeschooling, but I won’t let it deter me. Instead, I see it as my privilege to help them along the way.

2. Some days I will hate homeschooling.

I almost left this off the list. I mean, it might take away from the message of my first point. Ya’ll, day after day starts to look the same, and it’s hard work with people who need me constantly. Don’t forget, they complain about having to do school a lot, also. That wears down on a mom. Sometimes, I make the mistake of taking it personally. That only adds to the stress of the day, and it makes me want to hide in my room. But they’d find me…

I hear the echoes of my least favorite phrase on these hard days. “Enjoy every minute.” Ummm, no. I don’t. Some minutes are less enjoyable. Period. The end. Stop pressuring me to love each second of my day equally. However, I don’t need to pout, either. I have choices when I don’t want to face another school day. I can alter the day to be less intense. We can add an outing or a movie time. Homeschooling has this amazing benefit known as flexibility. I might just take the whole day as a “mental health day.” It’s better to take a day than destroy relationships with my children because I’m too stressed to handle the tasks ahead.

Before I started homeschooling, I would have liked to have known I was going to be my own roadblock some days. However, homeschooling got a lot easier when I started to look at it like a marathon and not a sprint. We’re in it for the long haul and need to pace ourselves.

3. Homeschooling is a lifestyle, not a portion of the day.

In my house we say, “It’s time for school.” That means we need to do our daily subjects, lessons, group work, individual work, etc. We’re less flexible in this part of homeschooling, but we aren’t done when we close our books.

We teach our children all day long. They are active parts of our family and are learning how to function in a cooperative and healthy way. Homeschool families teach essentials to living throughout the day, and they refer back to previous school lessons in their ordinary tasks.

Not to mention, as Christian homeschoolers, we are teaching them about our Lord constantly through our behavior, discipline, school materials, prayer, Bible study, and natural conversations. This is how Scripture would have us to raise our kids. Homeschooling as a lifestyle makes home education so much more natural and comfortable for the family.

“And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”

Deuteronomy 6:7

4. Homeschooling has hidden financial costs.

“Homeschool,” they said. “It’s free,” they said. OK, maybe. Well, it certainly can be. For example, Easy Peasy All-in-One Homeschool is a free resource that enables parents to educate their children from pre-K through high school. Personally, I use it for a few subjects, and I absolutely love how easy it is to add to our day. That said, there are a lot of homeschool curriculum options. Some are free while others will set you back into the thousands of dollars when it is all said and done. So, it is free or cheap? It can be, but you need to know your options and take your time finding what works.

The curriculum isn’t the only thing racking up the costs. Homeschool co-op groups, play groups, and field trips can all cost money. This gets difficult because we want to give our children every opportunity, but we also need to eat and heat our homes and stuff. Supplies can run up the bills, too. That science experiment sounds cool, but you’re going to need to provide all the materials. Currently, I’m reaping the punishment reward of watching a tadpole turn into a frog. I not only had to buy it and all its needs, but now I’m looking at owning a frog.

5. Homeschooling has other hidden costs.

But wait, there’s more! Money aside, homeschool families pay additional costs. We potentially face harsh judgment from others. Mothers, traditionally, give up careers and earning potential to stay home and teach their kids. The homeschooling parent often loses the respect of other people because they “just” homeschool or are “just” housewives.

Homeschool families take on the emotional toll of shouldering all the responsibility of educating their children. It can also strain the marriage due to stress, exhaustion, and fear of failing. The stay-at-home parent can be quite lonely and maybe even depressed. Do you like time alone and personal hobbies? Too bad. Those often take a backseat to the children with whom you will be all day long.

I wish someone had told me about these unforeseen costs before I started homeschooling because I would have planned ahead for them. Maybe I wouldn’t have felt so caught off guard by the feelings brought on by my role in our family.

6. Everyone has an opinion about homeschooling.

“You’ll stop this for high school, right?” “He’s not playing football?” “When does she see friends?” “What about…socialization?”

Some people are asking questions because they are genuinely curious. Others are leaning toward the dig or the criticism. Questions are great, but you need to be ready for the very strong, unresearched, biased, and sometimes defensive opinion. An in-law’s biting criticism can cut like a knife, but homeschoolers need to learn how to not care.

Let people think what they want. You’re not in charge of them, and you aren’t responsible for how they see you. I’ve got some great comebacks to snarky things people say to homeschoolers, but I keep them to myself. They don’t know what they don’t know, and I know what God has for my family. Just try living by Psalm 1 while also listening to the “wisdom” of the world. It doesn’t work so well.

“Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.”

Psalm 1:1-2

7. Many people in the Church oppose homeschooling.

Are you shocked? Even if someone had told me this before I started homeschooling, I’m not sure I would have believed it. This quickly becomes a touchy subject in some churches. Why? There are a few reasons.

A.) Churches are filled with teachers.

They love their students and want to be godly influences in their lives. Then, in walks a homeschool family, and they sometimes feel instantly judged. Some homeschoolers, like myself, despise the public school system. This can come across as despising the teachers. (I don’t, by the way. I just want less secular and government-run education for my kids.) Misunderstandings and poor communication lead to hurt on both sides.

B.) Public school families feel judged by homeschoolers because homeschoolers exist.

Assuming the homeschoolers haven’t said something rude or judgmental, the other families might feel like they look less spiritual or not “good enough” as parents. I’ve found I don’t have to say anything about education before public school families begin explaining to me why homeschool doesn’t work for them. Who would want to homeschool if this is what they think of homeschooling families? We’re not judging them, but the fact that we do what we do seems to imply homeschoolers are looking down on everyone else. I hope no one is doing this, but I’m afraid some homeschoolers have forgotten that Jesus saves, not homeschooling.

C.) The church has a school.

The forgotten variable: Christian school. A church with a Christian school has no tolerance for those homeschool families. The expectation is that your kids will support their school. I wonder if those churches feel like homeschool families are also quietly saying that they do it better? I’d just hate for that to be true. Personally, I mean to say it loudly. (I joke. I joke. Kind of.)

8. Homeschooling looks different in every home.

The comparison games never work, and this is just one more example. I can think of nine homeschool families right now. None of us “do school” quite like the others. Our families each have needs that are unique to us, and we also have different preferences. One of my dearest friends color codes schedules and types them up. Another friend is using online instruction. Meanwhile, I’m a paper and pencil girl who can’t commit to colors all year long, and I love the sound of my voice too much to pass the instruction off to anyone else.

So, who’s doing it the right way? We all are. My way is wrong for them, but it works for me. The same can be said about them. Look for inspiration in others’ homeschool approach, but don’t copy and paste it to your life.

9. My kids are not me. They don’t learn like I did.

4.0 GPA. Hardly had to try. Honor society inductee. AP classes. Brag, brag, brag. I loved school. I loved learning, and good grades were very rewarding to me. I was a dream student to have in nearly any class. So, I assumed my children would fall into the school routine just like I did eons ago. *deep sigh* Nope. It didn’t play out like that.

God created five amazing children with their own personalities, preferences, strengths, and weaknesses. Normally, I’d praise God for the miracle that I see in them. A lot of times I do. Homeschool stretches me on this issue, though. Guess what would be easier for me? Yes, it would be much easier if they all learned like me and cared about what I care about. They aren’t even all like each other let alone like their thirty-eight-year old mother, though!

My husband and I call them holy sandpaper. They challenge me and require me to change what I’m doing to best help them. In the process, I find some of my own rough edges begin to show. Impatience, anyone? Working with them is all part of my sanctification process. You can say they are smoothing out some of the rough patches I have.

If I had know this before I started homeschooling, then I would have saved some money on curriculum that best served me and no one else. Oh, well. You live and learn, eh?

10. Homeschool families need community.

I’m alone a lot. Actually, no, I’m not. I mean that I am not around other adults very often throughout the week. I’m with my children and husband, but mostly I’m with my children. They are not a great support system in this homeschooling lifestyle, believe it or not. My husband is supportive and helpful, but he’s just one person living in my exact scenario. We need more than that.

I need to meet a mom who has also hidden in the bathroom with her phone and a candy bar just to be alone. My husband needs to meet a dad who has come home to his wife mumbling to herself on the couch covered in baby spit-up and crying. We need those people to reassure us that this is going to be OK. Advice and godly encouragement are a welcomed addition, as well.

Also, our children need friends who have similar experiences. They can definitely have friends who don’t homeschool, but there is a special connection between children who live a little differently than most kids. It is nice to have a community of people with whom you aren’t the weird one. If you’re going to be weird, be weird for the right reasons. Homeschooling isn’t necessarily one of those reasons.

I didn’t know how difficult and exhausting the homeschool life would be or how crucial a community would be for me to keep my reasons for homeschooling on my mind. I spent a long time going at it all alone. That was a mistake I really wish I could have avoided.

Final Thought

As we enter a new school year, a lot is different this time around. Families who never would have considered homeschooling as an option are taking the plunge. I get a lot of questions about curriculum, daily schedules, field trips, and finances. I don’t hear questions about how it will affect the family spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. My list has a tinge of the negative, and I didn’t intend for that to happen. Homeschool has been an immense blessing to our family, but it’s no joke. It takes commitment, prayer, prayer, commitment, and prayer. All decisions have pros and cons, and you’ll do much better if you walk in with your eyes open. So, open them up and walk into the adventure of a lifetime.

Are you homeschooling? Did anything surprise you about homeschooling?

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Proverbs 22:6

Image courtesy of Element5 Digital via Unsplash.