Your Christian Life Isn’t About You

I recently met with a group of Christian women to plan a large ladies’ event being held next year. We brainstormed idea after idea for possible workshops, and many worthwhile topics had to be left on the cutting room floor because there is only so much time for this event. One of the ladies said something funny but also quite troubling. “It’s not about you.” We were talking about church at the time, but it occurred to me that some of us are making more than just the church about ourselves. Friend, what if I told you that your Christian life is not about you?

Making Christian Life Selfish

People are selfish. That’s not really a point anyone can argue against. It’s in our nature. Therefore, the fact that Christians can take something as wonderful as a life in Christ and make it about themselves shouldn’t be shocking. How do we do that, though, and is it on purpose?

Allow me to state for the record that I don’t think most people try to be selfish, especially Christians. Actually, I think most believers don’t see selfishness in themselves. Nonetheless, their Christian lives can easily become all about themselves with a veneer of “Jesus first” living.

3 Ways You Might Make Christian Life All About You

We can see this selfishness play out in countless ways, but they can be categorized together under a few terms. For instance, think about church members who obsess over their own preferences. Paint color, seating, service times, curriculum changes, etc. can set some folks into a frenzy. Assuming the issues at hand aren’t sinful or doctrinally questionable, none of it is worth having a falling out with anyone over. Yet, isn’t that what we see in churches all over the country? Too many of churchgoers treat church like Burger King. They say, “I want it my way,” and they’ll fight for it.

Sometimes, believers want to create a church and personal Christian life that revolves around themselves. So, they tend to focus their ministry work inward. Essentially, they give the impression that the church is there to serve them.

Of course, we are served by others in our churches, but that’s not all it’s about. But we’ll get to that…

Finally, there are Christians who have no interest in belonging to any church at all. They don’t need one, in their opinion. Maybe the church hurt them and now they’re hesitant to trust a church again. Even so, a bad experience doesn’t free a believer from congregating and worshiping with other Christians. However, plenty of believers seek “church” elsewhere. They regularly sit at home and watch church on their laptops. Others listen to sermons online on YouTube or Sermon Audio. For that, all we need to do it pick our favorite pastor/preacher and click the link. Of course, now there are countless podcasts and blogs available for consumption. With all this content, why belong to a church? 

Let’s take a closer look at these three groups.

“I Prefer Church And Worship As I Imagine It.”

Finding a church that meets all of our preferences is not only a challenge. It is an impossibility. However, it doesn’t stop people from trying to find or create one. As you might imagine, getting hung up on our wants at church is ultimately damaging to our Christian life and others’ spiritual well-being.

Certainly, we have a great deal of control regarding particular aspects of our Christian lives. I decide whether or not pray, read my Bible, serve in ministry, and attend church. I am also the one who chooses what kind of media I consume and with whom I spend my time. My job is even my choice. So, where do “preference pushers” flex their muscles? At church, of course!

I don’t think having a preference is a problem. I have plenty of them myself, but if the church adhered to every one of my preferences, it would be custom made for me alone. How much more selfish can that be? Also, keep in mind that a preference is not a salvific or doctrinal issue. We’re talking about things that have no eternal significance. If we sing a hymn from Ron Hamilton, no one is going to fall away from the faith or reject the gospel because it doesn’t predate the 1970’s. The same can be said about the old classics. No one is rejecting Christ or questioning God’s goodness because a church sings hymns such as “Great is Thy Faithfulness.”

I suggest choosing a church that is unashamed of the gospel, loves the community, has a heart for the lost, recognizes biblical authority, and generally has expository preaching. These characteristics don’t guarantee a healthy church, but it’s a good start.

What Can You Live With?

No matter the church, you will be disappointed in something or prefer something else than what is being done. It’s your job to recognize the difference between needs and wants. Do you really need the church to have a Keurig and your favorite color on the walls in the lobby?

Ladies, your Christian life is not about you, but being stuck on your preferences (in church or elsewhere) is not being the Christian you’re called to be. Consider others before yourself and keep an eternal perspective.

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Philippians 2:3-4 (ESV)

“What Is The Church Doing For Me?”

Other than, “That’s how we’ve always done it,” my least favorite thing to hear from Christians regarding church and ministry is, “What’s in it for me?” Serving the Lord. That’s what is in it for you. For too many, though, that isn’t enough. If you’ve served in ministry of any kind, you’ve at least heard some of the stories of people leaving a church or program because of unrealistic expectations or a perceived slight.

Common Grievances

Not thanked

The church didn’t call a sick relative no one knew was sick…or existed

The pastor didn’t stop to talk after service

One of the church ladies didn’t compliment the potluck contribution

No one said the special music sounded good

They voted down a suggestion at the business meeting

A desired ministry leadership position went to someone else

Gave money but haven’t received more influence in the church

Situations like the ones I listed above are common antecedents to a believer leaving a church or becoming divisive. Typically, that reaction stems from a selfish view of one’s Christian life. “Ministry and the Church are for me!”

Well, it turns out that ministry and living a Christian life are not meant to serve you. At least, your focus shouldn’t be on yourself. We ought to focus on doing for others and putting them before ourselves. If you don’t believe me, would you believe God?

God Says The Christian Life Is Not Selfish

“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”

Romans 12:10

“As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.”

1 Peter 4:10

“For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.”

Galatians 5:13

Take notice that none of these verses suggests that we seek out what we deserve from others. There is no discussion of receiving from others. Frankly, that wouldn’t be very Christlike, would it? No! The message here is serve others, do for others, minister to others…however you want to phrase it. Do for others over doing for yourself. That, ladies, brings glory God.

“My Christian Life Is Just Fine Without A Church.”

Now we come to it. One of the most self-centered ways to live out one’s Christian life. Believers who decide not to actively involve themselves with a church are the epitome of making the Christian life all about self.

Quick Note: I am not specifying the kind of church. If you want to go to a huge church, cool. Prefer a small church? Me, too! House church? That can definitely count. However, if your house church is just your family, think twice about that. That’s more like family devotions than “church.” Anyway, before you get angry at me for my unpopular opinion, allow me to explain myself.

The Christian Life Includes Church

God’s Word lays out a multitude of things believers are supposed to do in relation to one another, and gathering together becomes a necessity just to accomplish those tasks. No, the Bible doesn’t explain how long a church service should last, the ideal size of a congregation, or how many casseroles a potluck needs in order to be successful. Meeting together, though, is not optional, and that fellowship has a purpose.

The Blueprint?

Some folks say that the blueprint for any church’s purpose is found in Acts.

“And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.”

Acts 2:42 (ESV)

This verse can be broken down into four main goals for church.

1. Teach Doctrine

Doctrine is the set of beliefs that Christians hold, and church is where many of us learn those beliefs, begin to understand them more deeply, and incorporate them into our Christian lives. You wonder why you can’t just teach yourself doctrine, right? Technically, you can.

If you can read the Bible, you can learn biblical doctrine. On the other hand, without a church body, who will stop you from accepting faulty interpretations and justifying your preferred sin? We have our own lens through which we see the world and read the Bible, and we are apt to twist Scripture without instruction from believers who know more than us. It might be on purpose, but it very well may be unintentional.

Belonging to a church puts people in your life who know you well and can help you stay on track in your spiritual walk. This is a blessing we shouldn’t avoid. In Paul’s instructions concerning unity in the body in Ephesians, he encourages Christians to be mature in their faith and know true doctrine well enough to protect themselves from deception.

“That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;”

Ephesians 4:14

2. Fellowship Of Believers

I often warn against staying in a Christian bubble and making life too comfortable, but we also want to avoid a life absent of Christian fellowship. Who do you want to build deep relationships with, allow to teach and mentor your children, and seek out for counsel with emotional and spiritual needs? If you’re a Christian, you should be saying “other Christians.”

Believer, your true peers and family are other believers. They will know you and your needs better than someone who doesn’t know the Lord. For instance, I’m the only born-again Christian in my family, and as much as they may love me, they don’t know me like my church family. My relatives can’t begin to understand me on a spiritual level, and that is the aspect of my identity that truly matters.

3. The Lord’s Supper

The Church is to “break bread” together. Observing the Lord’s Supper is for the Church, and Acts is clear that we do this together. A glass of juice and a saltine in your kitchen in between episodes of whatever show you’re currently binging won’t do.

4. Prayer

Though we should pray alone, we also need to gather together to pray. I can’t tell you how sad it is to come to a church’s prayer service and find that you can count the attendees on one hand. Or worse yet, I think of the churches that have ceased prayer meetings altogether because people are too busy to attend. If you’re a believer, how can you consistently be too busy to prioritize one of the most important aspects of Christian life and the Church? Not to be too harsh, but I don’t think school athletics will cultivate a faithful and dynamic Christian life as well as a family devoted to prayer.

What does Voddie Baucham say? “If you can’t say ‘Amen,” say “Ouch.” Listen, I’m not in a high tower looking down at you all. I find prayer difficult to prioritize. The spiritual battle is real, and what a blessing we have in belonging to a church to help us remain faithful and consistent in prayer!

Christian Life In The Church Looks Like This

Acts 2:42 may give us a blueprint for the purpose of church, but that isn’t the whole story. The Church needs to meet together in what we call the “lowercase c” church to teach doctrine, fellowship, observe the Lord’s Supper, and pray together and for each other. Yet, in that togetherness, we are called to even more. I won’t cover everything, but even my limited number of examples will get the point across. Let’s take a look.

Encourage one another.

“Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.”

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Show kindness to each other.

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

Ephesians 4:32

Be devoted to one another.

“Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;”

Romans 12:10

Instruct one another.

“I myself am satisfied about you, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge and able to instruct one another.”

Romans 15:14 (ESV)

Love each other.

“For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another.”

1 John 3:11

Why Do Believers Try To Live An Independent Christian Life?

It’s clear we should be gathering to worship and minister together. Not to mention, I didn’t even get into evangelizing and discipling (Mark 16:15; Matthew 28:19-20). Want more thoughts on how to minister to a new believer? Find out more HERE.

So, why are so many Christians pulling out of church or only attending at their convenience? Attendance and membership have lowered so much that studies from Barna Group consider attending two Sundays a month “regular” attendance! I’ll tell you what I think. Americans, not just Christians, have become increasingly selfish and flakey. Everyone is concerned with “me time” and not being tied down to anything.

Furthermore, people are removing commitment from the most historically committed activities we have. Seriously, we don’t even have relationships any longer. Instead, couples enter “situationships” in which there is no commitment to each other. We don’t date. Nah, we just “talk.” Of course, “talking” means dating but not seriously enough to not potentially see other people. This can go on for years…until someone better finally comes along.

Young people are also moving and changing jobs at rates we haven’t seen for generations, and parents are at risk of being cut off by their adult children if TikTok or a recent pop psychology book told them those parents are toxic because…Boomers? I don’t know. Any contrary belief or opinion has suddenly become toxic and dangerous. Frankly, it’s exhausting.

My point? People don’t want to commit to anything or anyone, let alone a body of believers. That would require sacrifice, being under spiritual authority, accountability, and focusing outside of one’s own wants, preferences, and sometimes needs. American believers have turned the Christian life into a self-serving lifestyle.

The Buffet

Rather than belong to a church, some selfish Christians choose to seek out spiritual food from podcasts, blogs (yes, I see the irony here), books, and online preaching. A godly woman I know recently referred to this as “buffet” faith. When we build our faith around celebrity influencers and teachers, we create a version of Christianity we prefer. Our doctrine will ultimately reflect our own preferences and pre-conceived notions about God. And why wouldn’t it? We can all easily fall victim to conformation bias.

Are these resources bad, though. I don’t think so. Well, if you’re consuming bad teaching, then it would be a problem. However, if you enjoy listening to a Christian podcast or sermons online, go for it. Don’t swear off reading books and blogs because I said you should commit to a church and be edified through the body. The challenge here is to not replace your local pastor and church family with celebrities and influencers.

What I’m Not Saying

None of this means that not attending church is always rooted in selfishness. Shut-ins, and physically ill/fragile believers may not be able to come to church at all. We should minister to them, not shame them. Maybe you’re feeling under the weather and want to stay home. Do it. My son had a fever on Sunday, so I missed the evening service to be home with him. It’s all right. Please understand this is not a call to legalism.

I’m also not saying that you can’t leave a church. Is there legitimate abuse of some kind? Are there doctrinal compromises? Does the leadership fall short of the biblical criteria? Leave those churches if they won’t fix the problems. You know what you can endure and be patient about in church. Pray about it, but don’t ever think you can’t leave a church because you’re a member there.

Final Thought

Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins. He took the wrath of God that we deserved. Now, friend, we are reconciled with God, saved, and co-heirs with Christ. Those facts can make us think that it’s all about us. My sins put Christ on the cross, after all, and He died to save me. Who was it for, though? This is Sunday School 101 stuff, right? It was all for God. It’s for His glory. As Christians, our lives are to live for Him.

“In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory.” (emphasis mine)

Ephesians 1:11-12 (ESV)

We are supposed to bring Him glory.

“But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light; Which in time past were not a people, but are now the people of God: which had not obtained mercy, but now have obtained mercy.”

1 Peter 2:9-10

We praise Him for saving us and calling us unto Himself. Due to His mercy, we are God’s people. And shouldn’t we have a Christian life that reflects that? My life should reflect that I belong to Him, and I should spend far less time concerned about myself. I know where I need to improve. Have you considered how much of your faith is serving you as opposed to serving God? Who is your Christian life really for?

Have you noticed anyone living a Christian life that looked more like a selfish one? What did you notice?

Image courtesy of Caroline Veronez via Unsplash.