Yes, You Can (And Should) Be A Spiritual Mother

Mother’s Day is a tough day for some women because they have/had objectively bad moms while others are dealing with personal struggles concerning motherhood such as infertility, loss of a child, death of a mother, or a wayward child. In the face of those hurts, finding the silver lining in motherhood can be a challenge. However, I think there is so much more than just a silver lining for Christian women. There is joy, purpose, and blessing. Each one of us can be a spiritual mother and impact our spiritual children for God’s kingdom.

What Is A Spiritual Mother?

The term spiritual mother sounds a little “woo woo” if you aren’t familiar with it. It has nothing to do with “mother earth,” the occult, or New Age practices. Simply put, a spiritual mother has a relationship with another believer (traditionally a younger person) that parallels a parent-child relationship. This relationship, though, revolves around spiritual growth.

NOTE: For the sake of our conversation, I’m going to limit this relationship to spiritual mothers and daughters.

Who Can Be A Spiritual Mother?

All Christian women can be spiritual mothers. Not just that. They should be, too. A spiritual mother is a mentor, therefore, discipleship is a key component to the relationship she forms with her spiritual children. We see the command to disciple in what we call the Great Commission.

“And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.”

Matthew 28:18-20

Women have additional instructions for discipleship in Titus that specifically addresses women teaching women.

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”

Titus 2:3-5

It’s in these particular relationships that I believe we see spiritual motherhood flourish as we gain intimate knowledge of one another’s lives. All women are directed to do this in Scripture, but I think now is the time to add a caveat.

The Young And The Restless

Replacement Approach

Recently, as I was researching for this blog post, I came across some surprising articles. Women in their mid-twenties were essentially throwing in the towel on marriage and motherhood, and they were committing to replacing biological motherhood with spiritual motherhood. Woah…

One writer lamented that she was the oldest single woman in her family. At just twenty-five years old she was preparing herself for lifelong singleness. She desired children but expected she would have to fill that void with spiritual children.

I respect this woman’s willingness to accept God’s will for her life, even if she doesn’t desire the life God gives her. On the other hand, she’s obviously jumping the gun on this. She has plenty of time to get married and have children.

This writer brought up an important point, though. Just because someone isn’t raising children in the traditional sense, doesn’t mean she can’t be a mother. She can be a spiritual mother to other believers from all around the world or in her own local church.. At the same time, spiritual motherhood is not reserved for women who don’t have children of their own. Being a spiritual mother doesn’t replace the traditional idea of motherhood. These roles can work in tandem or separately.

Mentor Vs. Mother

Another writer, also saddened by her “gift of singleness,” discussed throwing herself into being a spiritual mother. She encouraged women to not expect perfection (agreed!), and she admitted that “even at twenty-four years old” she made mistakes now and then. I reread this section of her article several times looking for the punchline. It was written in all seriousness.

(I’m so glad that I wasn’t publishing my twenty-four-year-old mind’s thoughts online because I would die from cringe to read them today. This young woman will probably look back and laugh at herself as she kisses her husband goodbye in the morning and prepares her baby’s bottle.)

This writer made a mistake the previous one did not. Her article, while working under the assumption that marriage and children were a missed opportunity, treated mentor and spiritual mother as synonyms. We should be careful not to equate the two. All spiritual mothers are mentors, but not all female mentors are spiritual mothers. In all likelihood, this twenty-four-year-old woman who sees herself as an old maid is not truly a spiritual mother to a sixteen-year-old girl from church. (The writer claims she is a spiritual mother to the teens in her church.) Without a doubt, she’s a mentor. Maybe she’s like a big sister. But a mother-figure she is not.

A spiritual mother will display love, patience, compassion, consistency, forgiveness, etc. We can all imagine that, I’m sure, but there’s more to it. I’m not sure we can accurately put it into words. Let’s call it the M Factor. Most twenty-four-year-olds don’t have it. They simply haven’t lived long enough, experienced enough, made enough mistakes, and accrued enough wisdom to be a spiritual mother.

So, all Christian women should be a spiritual mother, but they shouldn’t rush it. There will be a season for that. In the meantime, young women, grow in your faith and become an older woman who is equipped to be a spiritual mother.

How To Be A Spiritual Mother

Many godly women don’t become spiritual mothers. They come to church, volunteer in the kitchen, attend Bible studies, and pray faithfully, but they don’t seek out a young woman to take under their wing. I understand that young women are not always willing or even approachable, but a lot of older women don’t think they can do it. You can! But how?

1. A spiritual mother prays.

Prayer. This is the easiest and hardest part of being a spiritual mother. It’s easy because you can do this in private. That helps if you’re feeling insecure or on display. I’d argue prayer can be very difficult, too, because it’s a common spiritual battleground. The Enemy often distracts us from prayer. Not to mention, no one has to witness it, so prayer is easy to skip with little to no accountability.

Our prayers, however, are important as spiritual mothers. We pray for the children we’re raising in the home. Why wouldn’t we also pray for the spiritual, physical, and emotional well-being of our spiritual children, as well? I might add that humbly acknowledging that we need God’s guidance and wisdom in our relationships is always a good idea. Self-reliance is never the best path. Or a good path, actually.

2. A spiritual mother invites others into her life.

I’ve been a member of several churches, thus, I’ve known several pastors’ wives as a congregant. Now, as a pastor’s wife myself, I have encountered many more in personal settings and seen behind the curtain, if you will. If I oversimplify these ladies, I can put them into two groups. Women who stand at a distance and approachable women. Predictably, I struggled to develop any real relationship with those ladies who kept themselves at a distance. I imagine the reasons for that behavior vary. Maybe they’ve been hurt and are protecting themselves. Perhaps they’re just unfriendly. I don’t know. But I bet you can guess which type of pastor’s wife acted as a spiritual mother to me.

Spiritual mothers don’t have to be pastors’ wives. As I said earlier, all Christian women can be a spiritual mother (eventually). What kind of woman are you? Are you able to draw people in and allow them to see you as you really are? A spiritual mother has to drop the mask and reveal herself. Pretending to be perfect isn’t helpful, and I promise it won’t make your spiritual daughter feel as if she knows you.

In case you’re wondering why you need to let someone in, let me ask you a question. Would you feel comfortable allowing someone to know you deeply, including your sin struggles and spiritual doubts, if you believed that person wasn’t letting you know her? Being a spiritual mother is deeper than being a mentor. It’s teaching and correcting, but it’s a relationship. Hopefully, a lasting one.

3. A spiritual mother has her own robust spiritual life.

You can’t teach what you don’t know, and this is definitely evident among mentors and spiritual leaders. It’s obvious to those around you when you’re not seeking God in your daily life. Your teaching, advice, and modeled life will only go so far before your spiritual child sees you’re not practicing what you preach.

It reminds me of my upbringing. I received a lot of instructions from my parents about what I should and shouldn’t do, but they often didn’t adhere to what they said. It was more of a “do what I say, not what I do” kind of household. For example, I was urged not to smoke, but both my parents were chainsmokers. My parents scolded me for foul language, but my dad had a mouth like a sailor. They insisted I attend CCD classes at our local Catholic church, but they never attended mass or did anything else indicating faith. It was hypocrisy, and it made me reject their guidance.

We’re better spiritual mothers when we have a healthy and active relationship with Jesus, but we shouldn’t forget how important it is to live what we teach. Otherwise, why would anyone take us seriously?

4. A spiritual mother gives her time.

Being a spiritual mother is a time commitment. You can’t take someone under your wing, so to speak, and then stop being available all of a sudden because you’re tired of her. This sort of relationship is a real investment of your time. And it could last for a lifetime.

Don’t let that frighten you. It’s supposed to be a blessing. One of the things I have wanted most in life is a lifelong friendship or mother-daughter relationship. It’s a lovely thing to have, and we should count it a joy to find one.

5. A spiritual mother takes the lead.

In a perfect world, young women would seek out older women as mentors and spiritual mothers, but we don’t live in a perfect world. We can’t sit around and wait for someone to ask us for help. It happens, of course, but there are plenty of young women who desire a spiritual mother and are afraid to seek one out. That’s where we come in, “older” ladies. (I’m using older loosely here.)

Pray about it, be observant, and consider who may need someone like you to walk alongside her. Then, do the unthinkable; approach her. You don’t have to say anything weird or creepy. Just invite her out for coffee or lunch. You might even have an opportunity to naturally offer help with something she’s going through when you see each other at church. Through being available and interested, you’ll be an encouragement to her, and you’ll be able to figure out if you two can develop a closer relationship.

The two of you should have a consistent time together in person, on the phone, online, etc. Whatever works best for your circumstance is fine. Consistency is a difficult, though. Life gets busy, people don’t feel like socializing, they get out of the habit… There are a million reasons these relationships unceremoniously fizzle out. Spiritual Mother, you take the lead here. Help her be accountable. If y’all need a schedule to meet, you stay on top of it.

Finally, as a leader, choose a focus for discipleship if she doesn’t have a specific need she wants to address. For instance, if you see her struggling with her tongue, bring it to her attention and help her work through it. Moreover, give her practical helps and tools if you see her having a difficult time juggling home management and two children under three. Take notice and then take the lead.

6. A spiritual mother encourages, teaches, and corrects.

What does a spiritual mother do exactly? Mentor. Be a friend. Be a sounding board. Spend time together. Pray. Disciple. Ultimately, look for ways to encourage her in her growth in the Lord, teach her about God and biblical womanhood, and help her stay on the righteous path through loving correction.

It’s easy to focus on the friendship and loving bond as a spiritual mother, but spiritual children need guidance just like the children we raise at home do. Can you imagine the damage we would do as mothers if we didn’t teach our children right from wrong and correct them when necessary? Hmm. I suppose it’s relatively easy to imagine these days if we look around. I’m just sayin’.

Final Thought

Not all mothers are the same. Some carry their children in their womb for nine months and travail through labor and delivery before bringing home a brand new baby. Others carry babies whom they will only meet in Heaven. Some women add to their families through adoption and foster care. But Christian, we can also be spiritual mothers to women in need of the wisdom we’ve accumulated through our own experiences, struggles, and hard-learned lessons throughout our lives. Spiritual motherhood isn’t a consolation prize for some women. It’s a gift to have the opportunity to be an important part of another person’s spiritual walk. And it’s for all of us.

What’s your experience with spiritual motherhood?

Image courtesy of Rajiv Perera via Unsplash.