We Took Our Kids On Our Anniversary Trip…And It Was Great!

My husband and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary last year. I saw it as a milestone, though, it seems a little silly to me to look at 10 years in a marriage as remarkable. But, alas, the culture certainly dictates that it is, in fact, an accomplishment. Moreover, and you may want to sit down for this, we’re happily married. Hey, we’re not perfect. Our marriage isn’t perfect. Our life isn’t without struggle. You know what, though? I love this man, and I am so thankful for him. I could gush, but I’ll stick to my point…if I can find it again. Oh yeah. Married. Ten years. Celebrated. Oh, and did I mention we took our kids with us on our anniversary trip?

We took our five children who were 8, 7, 5, 3, and almost 2 at the time to Disney World. Whenever I told people about our plans, I was met with let-down expressions. They were disappointed for me and even suggested alternate plans. I thought everyone would be as excited as me, but turning our anniversary trip into a family trip was too much for some people to accept.

People Assumed We Were Going For The Kids

I admit that I began researching Disney for the kids, but a couple of days into that and the plan was for me. Eventually, I decided to invite my husband and kids along, too… As the trip grew (in my mind), I realized we could do this for our anniversary and make it a really big deal. Our family had only done very short trips to relatively local places. This could be epic. Spoiler: It was!

People Didn’t Seem Sold That An Anniversary Trip Should Include Children

I get that. Why not go alone or choose a romantic place to visit? But do you know who usually looked at us cross-eyed for spending our anniversary trip with our kids? People who don’t have five little kids! Where am I going to put five kids for a week and a half? Who has the energy and resources to care for them? Let’s say there was a reasonable place to leave them; I would be an absolute wreck. I’m one of those weird conservative Christians who homeschools my children and spends most of my day with them. I would be devastated with worry the whole time about their safety, their influences, and the million other details I attend to daily. That is hardly the mental state to be in for a romantic vacation.

Others Thought We Were Missing Our Chance At Romance

Well, we don’t rely on a calendar for that. Suffice it to say, we have a bunch of kids, so we’ve found the time. OK? Any couple with young (or older) kids finds ways to connect within the confines of parenthood. Add limited resources to the mix, and creativity is a necessity. Our marriage isn’t defined by getaways, penthouse suites, and sweeping views while drinking vintage champagne. Though, I’d be willing to give that lifestyle a try… Ours is defined by hard work, sacrifice, dedication, love, everyday life stuff that people call “adulting”, and, above all, our relationship with Jesus. I imagine it sounds boring, but we feel blessed.

Also, just let me point out that our marriage doesn’t exist in a bubble. A major component of our marriage is parenting. Our lives don’t revolve around the kids, but how could they not be a major part of our lives? Nearly every decision we make has consequences for them, as well. A large part of my relationship with my husband involves the shared history, memories, and experiences of parenting. As hard as I could try, my marriage is not able to be 100% removed from our identities as parents.

I have a few thoughts for couples who might be feeling disappointed about “missing out” on some things because of their children.

1. This is a season.

I know, I know. That gets thrown around a lot. I’m not going to tell you to enjoy every second because it goes so fast. Actually, I really can’t stand when people say that. It’s unreasonable, you know? I will say this, though. This season will come and go. My children are young, and I am already seeing seasons ending and new ones beginning. Hold fast, sweetie. It’s going to change.

2. Children are not the enemy to your marriage.

They are a part of the bond with your husband. Marriage is a special and complicated relationship, and despite what our current culture may try to suggest, children are not a hindrance to having a successful marriage. Personally, some of the best times with my husband have involved our kids such as their births, baby milestones, family quality time, trips, and, yes, our Disney vacation. There are also plenty of wonderful times that did not include our children, too.

3. Balance is key.

As I mentioned above, we’ve had great times with our children, but we’ve also had plenty of good times without them. There is no shame in needing and taking time alone as a couple. We should all be finding that time. If our anniversary trip could have been done without our kids, we very well may have done that. However, we were not going to let having children stop us from having a special time just because a couples trip was not possible. We find we need to carve out time as we have it and can logistically make it happen. So, if finances are tight or we don’t have a sitter, we might spend purposeful time together after the kids go to bed rather than going out. Dates at home are a thing. Couples are doing this, and it can be really fun and even romantic.

4. Don’t let others dictate how you handle your marriage.

There are only two people in the world who know your marriage well enough to make decisions about what works and doesn’t. I promise you that your sweet mom, concerned sister, helpful neighbor, and nosey church member do not know what’s best for you and your spouse. Other people’s expectations have no place in your marriage. You can’t stop people from blurting out their thoughts, but you can let it glance off you.

5. These children are a blessing.

You knew I was going to say it. It’s not just lip service, though. They really are. Can I be real for a second? Stop thinking about yourself so much! Life is meant for much more than your personal wants. Oh, how many times I’ve bitterly muttered under my breath because a child is interrupting something again. “Can’t I just have ten minutes to myself?!” “Mommy and Daddy would like a few minutes with you NOT sitting in between us…Thanks!” “Stop taking my food!”  These kids, though, are a continual source of joy for us. There are snuggles, laughter, important talks, and the gift of guiding someone through their childhood into adulthood.

Oh, there’s frustration, too. Did you know it’s scientifically impossible to go an entire day without knocking over a full cup of something? The odds of a spill go up infinitely if you’re in public and likely to feel embarrassed or ruin something.

In the end, any struggles and annoyances amount to very little when I keep my focus on the important things rather than my selfish preferences. Kids are not in the way of anything, least of all a fulfilling marriage.

Final Thought

I’m looking to the future. One day, my husband and I will have the freedom to travel alone and spend money on ourselves. I’m sure those will be lovely experiences, but I can wait for those while I’m surrounded by Littles. I’m not going to fall into the trap of missing out on everything I have now because I want something I can’t have until later.

Would you ever take your children on an anniversary trip?

Image courtesy of Jason Leung via Unsplash.