Turning 40: There’s So Much More Ahead

Somehow, despite the odds, I’ve made it all the way to forty. I wish I had handled the weeks approaching this birthday better, but I have been dreading it. Turning 40 seemed like such a big deal. An ending. The beginning of the end. Oh, the drama!

If forty is supposed to be old and has placed me squarely “over the hill,” then why do I feel like a twenty-three-year-old just putting on a front? Don’t mind me still figuring out how to be an adult. Why do I still have goals, dreams, and plans? Could there be more ahead for me after turning 40? Probably.

Lessons I’ve Learned Before Turning 40

To understand what lies ahead, we need to grasp what’s behind us. I step into my 40’s with decades of wisdom and knowledge, didn’t you know? I’m pretty much an expert at life now. Or…maybe the truth is that I know a little bit more than used to know.

All of us could write an endless list of things we have learned throughout the years, but some lessons seem to make more of an impact than others. Here are some things I’ve learned that have had a serious effect on my life and are serving me well as I trudge into middle age.

1. It’s never too late.

Until we die, we have opportunities to forgive, learn, try again after a failure, and even be saved. His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).

2. Laugh a lot.

Being “sober-minded” doesn’t mean we have to be a bummer to be around.

“A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;”

Ecclesiastes 3:4

A believer is a person filled with the joy of the Lord, and certainly that joy will give us occasion to laugh. On a personal note, I can say that laughter with loved ones has often created deeper bonds, beautiful memories, and much needed reprieve from hardship.

I recommend a great deal of laughter.

3. Your standards will change.

The woman I was at 20 is not who I am at 40 years old. And I am so glad! I was certain I was settled on every opinion and knew what was best for me all of time. Oh, how mistaken I was.

For instance, I am a neat freak who likes everything in its place. I tried to maintain this neatness. Really, I did. Unfortunately, I had to concede and change my standards a bit. Now, we have a room with toys and games in it that always has a closed door. I can’t see it, so it won’t bother me. That wasn’t the only changing standard over the years. though.

I have altered my standards on food, clothing, how the towels are put away, and even how well the floor is swept. New seasons of life have required some changes, and my only regret is that I held on to my “better” ways as long as I did. I wonder how the bar will lower and lift after turning 40.

4. Family isn’t only about blood.

My closest family is my church family. That’s not a dig on my blood relatives, but I have had some unhealthy familial relationships and live far from them. My church has taken my family as their own and made us feel like we belong from the day we arrived. I feel as if I have been adopted and am surrounded by mothers, grandmothers, sisters, fathers, and brothers.

God demonstrates the beauty of adoption in salvation, doesn’t He?

“Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,”

Ephesians 1:5

“To redeem them that were under the law, that we might receive the adoption of sons. And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father. Wherefore thou art no more a servant, but a son; and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.”

Galatians 4:5-7

5. We impact more people than we know.

It’s easy to go through life assuming no one pays much attention to us. In fact, that might be true most of the time. On the other hand, the choices we make, conversations in which we engage, and the attitude we put forth to others make a difference.

I received a message a few years ago from a woman who attended the same church as me. We got along well, but I’m sad to say we never became very close because we were both busy moms. I encouraged her to think about homeschooling her children, but she seemed scared to try it.

Well, she told me in that message that she had started homeschooling, and I was one of the influences that helped her take that leap. I had no idea she was paying attention to my family and our conversations about homeschool. Yet, she considers me as an influence in her decision to homeschool.

Her words were an important reminder to me that anything I do and say can impact the people around me, therefore, I need to live intentionally and recognize the potential good and harm I can cause.

6. Give yourself a break.

Stop pushing so hard to do everything. Take a breather in whatever way suits you best. Just relax.

Along with the physical break, I mean you should give yourself grace, too. You’re not perfect. You never will be. So, allow for that, deal with things as you must, and move on.

7. Don’t let other people’s expectations dictate your life.

Everyone has an opinion. I should know…

Jumping through everyone’s hoops will make us discouraged and dissatisfied. Not to mention, we can’t make everyone happy. And why should we? If my unbelieving relative pushed me to live in a sinful way, there’s no way I’d try to please her. I serve one Master (Matthew 6:24), and I won’t live according to anyone else’s expectations but His.

8. Admit when you’re wrong.

This really helps relationships. Most people I’ve known don’t hold it against others when they are in the wrong. They appreciate the apology (if applicable) and willingness to take ownership. The end. Simple, right?

9. Embrace boundaries.

Loving others and caring for people doesn’t mean full access to you in every way. Relationships take many forms, and it is healthy and not selfish to have boundaries. Don’t shy away from taking care of your needs and those of your family first.

Honor others’ boundaries and maintain your own.

10. Children are sinners, too.

The nurse hands you your newborn baby. He is comforted in your arms while you gaze upon this perfect tiny human being. Within months, however, you start to ask yourself if “perfect” was really the word to describe this child. Moms, you know it’s true. Our kids are sinners, but that was predictable because we’ve all sinned and fallen short (Romans 3:23).

Raise your kids in full knowledge of their sin nature. What good does ignoring it do? They need Jesus, and the sooner you understand that the better mom you’ll be.

11. Take pictures.

I’m no photographer, and I don’t enjoy stopping to take pictures. However, I wish I had more photographs from various seasons of life. I often think I’ll remember something forever, but the memories fade and lose their luster. Inevitably, I’m left with a feeling that I’m forgetting something and piecing my family’s history together with educated guesses.

12. Build margin into your day.

Very little causes me more stress and anxiety than feeling like I am racing the clock to get everything done. The best way to avoid this and enjoy the people around me while actually living my life is to allow for margin in my schedule. If I want to slow down and enjoy a coffee with my husband, I can. If the weather looks nicer than expected, I can take an unplanned trip to the park with the kids.

Margin allows life to happen throughout my day.

13. Say those nice things you’re thinking.

Not all of us are good at sharing our feelings, yet we think loads of nice things about the people we know. I can’t count how many times I have thought something positive about someone and wanted to say it…but didn’t.

I chicken out and convince myself that it is too weird. Interestingly, people have always been receptive and appeared happy to hear kind words when I have mustered the courage to say them. What’s the lesson? Don’t hold back kindness even if it feels unnatural. Say it because they want to hear it.

14. Don’t seek advice about important things from people who don’t know the Lord.

I’ve seen a lot of Christians turn to unsaved family and friends for advice on major life decisions about careers, finances, and even family size. I can’t help but wonder why they would turn to people who lack biblical wisdom to help make such important decisions. Want input on what to order off the menu at Applebee’s? Go ahead and ask Wiccan Sally from work. Need advice on whether to pursue a ministry opportunity or a lucrative business deal? Speak with someone who is spiritually mature.

15. Few things go as planned.

I love to plan. I could happily spend hours creating the perfect plan for the week, month, and year. No matter how well I plan, though, it all falls apart. Shockingly, life doesn’t play out exactly as expected. Be ready to roll with the punches and adapt. Flexibility is key in this life.

God’s plans and your plans won’t always jive. In my experience, they are rarely the same. But His plans are best and happening whether you want them to or not. So, if he has placed a divine appointment in the middle of your perfectly planned day, scrap your plans and just go with it.

Turning 40 Reminded Me Of The Most Important Lesson

All those lessons have been integral in my life, but they wouldn’t matter to me without the most important lesson I’ve learned: Christ gives hope.

Turning 40 isn’t the end of the road. And even if I die today, there is still hope. With each year I grow in faith and confidence in the Lord, and that only increases the hope I have in Him.

What Does The Bible Say About Hope?

“Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.”

Romans 15:13

“For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.”

Romans 8:24-25

“For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.”

Romans 15:4

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you, Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.”

1 Peter 1:3-5

“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”

Revelation 21:4

“And now, Lord, what wait I for? my hope is in thee.”

Psalm 39:7

Our hope is in the Lord. We were saved in hope, live in this world with the hope He gives us, and we have hope for what our eternity will be with Him.

Looking Ahead After Turning 40

With the wisdom I’ve gained, along with the hope and assurance I have in Jesus, I am able to walk forward enthusiastically. Turning 40 hasn’t left me at the end of the race. No, there is plenty more race to run.

So, here are a few things I am looking forward to on the other side of the hill.

1. Being the “older woman”

As hard as it is to admit, my peers are no longer the “young” moms at church. I have entered a middle ground. I’m not a young woman, but I am not one of the grandmothers yet, either. It’s my turn (or soon will be) to teach the younger women to be sober, to love their husbands and children, to be keepers at home, and be obedient to their husbands (Titus 2:4-5).

Helping young Christian women navigate their faith is a privilege that comes with age and experience. Turning 40 has given me both.

2. The next phase of parenting

As I get older, so do my children. And I don’t believe we will be having any more babies unless God intervenes. This puts me in a new position as a mother because it officially moves me into a different phase of parenting.

Diapers, breastfeeding, and strollers are gone. Some of my children are “big kids,” and we are moving away from a hard focus on training behaviors and transitioning into much more relationship building. It’s new, and I am loving it.

I’m not sure what to expect in the upcoming years with my children, but I’m excited about the future.

3. Learning more about my husband

As of writing this, I have been married 13 years. We haven’t broken any records with that number, but it’s a decent length of time. I think we know each other well, but I might know him less than I thought I did. This man still surprises me, and sometimes those surprises make me rethink how well I know my man.

Of course, no one stays exactly the same, and I am looking forward to watching him continue to grow in his faith (and take on more hobbies than he has time for) as we head into our 40’s together.

4. Seeing what ministry lies ahead

My primary ministry is my family, and I predict it will be for a very long time. On the other hand, I serve God in various ways through my church, as well. A couple of years ago, God pushed me hard to start a blog. I fought it and talked myself out of it numerous times, but I couldn’t shake the prompting to do it. This small very small piece of real estate on the internet allows me to point people to Jesus and encourage women in their faith. I never imagined I’d do something so bold.

What could be next? If history is any indicator, then God may put a ministry in my path I never wanted or planned on.

Final Thought

I’m still not super excited about turning 40. Like it or not, I have entered the latter half of my life, and that just feels weird to me. But turning 40 is not bad news; It’s a blessing. I’m trying to remember to be thankful for every day He gives me.

This year I move forward anticipating what lies ahead and remembering that the world may view aging as a bad thing, but God encourages us as we get older.

“Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.”

Proverbs 16:31 (ESV)

“Children’s children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.”

Proverbs 17:6

“Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.”

Job 12:12 (ESV)

How are you doing with aging? Are you happy to get older or a little wary about the whole thing?

Image courtesy of Adrian Greaves via Unsplash.