The Changing Role Of A Mother

Expectant mothers hear about the blessing of motherhood, how quickly the years will fly by, and the hard work that’s involved. And yes, those things are true and important to know. There’s something I don’t hear about often, though, and I think it takes a lot of moms by surprise. The role of a mother isn’t static. Who we are to our children when we take them home from the hospital is very different from who we are to them when they’re grown. Our role is constantly changing, and we need to be ready for it and keep our perceived losses in perspective.

Role Of A Mother: Dreaming Stage

You can argue against me on this, but most moms would back me up, I think. Being a mom begins with a dream. At some point, a woman will know she is meant to be a mother, and that will take over a portion of who she is on the inside. She will build her life to accommodate a potential future baby, and even her short-term plans will consider a child. Maybe I shouldn’t go on that theme park trip next month. I could be pregnant by then…

Technically, women aren’t mothers until they’re pregnant, but a woman’s love for her future children is real. Ladies, I’m sure you’ll agree that we already care deeply about the children we hope to have one day. It’s this dream and prayer for a baby that introduces us to motherhood.

Role Of A Mother: Expectation Stage

Finally, that little test on your bathroom counter has a plus sign, two lines, or a clearly stated, “YES,” and the countdown begins. You’re going to have a baby, and you wait. And wait. And wait. How can nine months feel so long?

The time of expectation isn’t just sitting around waiting for this little one to arrive, though. It’s a time of preparation, planning, anticipation. Sometimes it feels like everything you do, say, and think is about the baby. And it kind of is.

Even the food you eat as a pregnant woman is just as much for your unborn child as it is for you. I remember nursing my first while pregnant with my second. I had terrible morning sickness that lasted all day and was really struggling physically. Between the child in my arms and the one growing inside me, there wasn’t much left for me! No worries. I survived it, but it was a real-life reminder of my role at the time. These babies needed me to keep them nourished and safe. Yes, even the baby I had yet to hold in my arms.

Role Of A Mother: All-Consuming Caregiving

When the baby is born, it’s wonderful to feel like you have your body back to yourself. Then, in approximately 2.6 seconds, you realize that’s not true. Not at all. This child needs you all the time. Like, did you know that four o’ clock happens twice a day? Here I was thinking it was just an afternoon time…

All kidding aside, this is a precious time. I honestly miss the holding my babies after a successful nursing session, seeing those hilariously silly baby grins looking up at me, and cheering them on as they mastered each milestone. You are your child’s whole world when they are little. They need you for everything. As frustrating as that can be on some days, it proves to be difficult for some moms to move on from being the center of their children’s universe.

Role Of A Mother: Loosening The Grip

Children, assuming all is well, will eventually become more independent. It starts small with self-feeding and first steps. However, those steps that used to only lead across the room will someday lead your children out the door. They won’t need you for daily tasks. In fact, they won’t want you around for parts of their lives.

Suddenly to you, but not soon enough for them, you’ll be sitting on the sidelines watching them make decisions and emerging as the unique people God created them to be. In the end, this leads to letting them go completely.

Role Of A Mother: Source Of Guidance And Godly Wisdom

Those kids you bathed, fed, disciplined, and were completely responsible for have grown up into adults. This is the time to figure out how you fit in their lives without pushing your way in. Hopefully, your adult children will see you as a trustworthy source of guidance. Perhaps, you can even be friends. But you’ll always be “mom” no matter what other roles you fill in their lives. Most women I know with grown children talk about this stage of life as peak parent-child time. All the hard work and sleepless night have paid off, and these moms have the privilege of watching their children take on the world.

The Hardest Job In The World

Being a mother is one of the hardest jobs in the world. There’s no clear manual to follow, and everyone is happy to offer advice and criticism. We all know what makes a mom, but how motherhood should play out in one’s own family can be difficult to determine. We might wonder when we should begin loosening our grip on our children and how quickly. Truthfully, we might not want to let go.

Waiting For A Break-Up

I’ve heard it said that being a mother is loving someone with all you are in the hopes of that person leaving you one day. That’s not untrue. I know that to successfully raise my children, they will need to leave me and go out on their own. My oldest isn’t quite fourteen, but I can already feel this slow separation in progress. It’s not with a negative spirit. She is simply growing up. Of course, I kind of hate it.

The Goals As A Mother

Part of me wants my babies to be my babies forever, but they’re growing into young men and women. Rather than feel sad about our relationship changing and my role in their lives evolving into something new, I have found it’s essential for me to remember what I’m trying to achieve as a mom.

Too many women have kids with themselves in mind. A baby is a promise of someone who will love them, the end of nosy questions about getting pregnant, fun play dates with friends, and plenty of Instagram content. That’s not why we become mothers, Christian ladies.

Ultimately, our goal as Christian mothers is to raise godly children. We can’t make our children become Christians, but we can take steps to help them come to a saving knowledge of Christ.

1. Display godly character in our lives.

2. Teach them the Bible.

3. Disciple them.

4. Tell them why we believe what we do.

5. Pray with them and for them.

6. Surround them with godly influences.

But, don’t just listen to me. Listen to God on this matter. He certainly wasn’t silent about mothers and parenting.

God On Mothers/Parents

Love Those Children Because They Are A Blessing

“Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.”

Psalms 127:3

“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” (emphasis mine)

Titus 2:3-5

Instruct Your Children To Know God’s Word

“My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck.”

Proverbs 1:8-9

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Proverbs 22:6

“And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (ESV)

Discipline

“Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”

Proverbs 13:24 (ESV)

“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.”

Proverbs 29:15

A Mother’s Faith Can Influence Her Children

“I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.”

2 Timothy 1:5 (ESV)

The Role That Won’t Change

When we’ve raised our children, we pray they’ll leave home ready to raise godly children themselves. We pray they know the Lord and will choose to live an obedient life for Him. Of course, our job isn’t done because we will always be “mom.” On the other hand, the role has changed, and we likely have a smaller role in our children’s lives than we did in the past. This can feel like a loss.

For some, the empty nest is devastating, but not everyone feels that way. I was recently talking to a group of ladies about motherhood (as women often do), and one of them said she absolutely loves having an empty nest. She enjoys seeing her children and grandchildren, but she definitely appreciates having more time for her husband, ministry, and personal interests. Her whole attitude struck me as a healthy ideal.

I can’t speak for the woman I had this conversation with, but she sounds like the kind of person who lived with appropriate priorities. Ladies, our children cannot be the number one thing in our lives. So, you can’t put your relationship with your husband on the backburner to be Super Mom, and you can’t neglect your spiritual life just because you have children. Admittedly, seasons of motherhood make finding quiet time to be with the Lord nearly impossible, but we just need to be creative in these times. Include the children, shorten the time you reasonably expect to spend quietly with Him, or ask your husband to let you be alone for a bit while the kids stay with him.

Being A Mom Is About Jesus

A woman’s role as a mom may look different through the years, but the role was designed by the One we serve. Our role as a Christ follower never changes. Our identity is in Him. Everything we do is to obey and glorify God, and parenting is part of everything. If our priorities are in order, the adjustment to new roles and relationships with our children should go well. It’s bittersweet, not bitter, when we move on to new stages as we follow our Lord.

Is our anxiety about letting go of our children reasonable, or do we struggle to trust God with them? While they live in my home and under my rules, I can fool myself into thinking I’m in control of what they do and what happens to them. As I loosen my grip, reality becomes clearer to me. I’m not really in control here. I’m actually terrified that something bad will happen to that grown person I used to hold on my hip while making dinner. But here’s the truth. Something bad will happen to them at some point, and all I can do is be there for them through it and remind them to lean on the Lord.

Final Thought

Every role I’ll have as a mother will have one underlying constant. Jesus. My responsibility to teach my children about Him and display his character never ends. My hope and prayer is that they’ll love Him, too, and teach their own children to love the Lord. Whether I’m changing diapers, making trips to the doctor, helping my daughter choose her wedding dress, or babysitting my grandkids, pointing my children to Christ will always be my role.

What changes in your role as a mother has challenged you most?

Image courtesy of Oleg Sereichik via Unsplash.