Modesty: It’s More Than What You Wear
Matthew West, an award-winning Contemporary Christian musician, recently dropped a new single entitled “Modest is Hottest.” The reaction was predictably angry and blinded by modern feminism and purity culture backlash. Blogs and comment sections lit up with this seemingly never-ending conversation: What is modesty? It ultimately leads to other questions concerning whether or not women even should dress modestly, why they should or should not, and what the implications are of pursuing modesty.
What Is “Modest Is Hottest?”
Real quick… Let’s address Mathew West’s song. To begin, I don’t know anything about this guy. I don’t generally listen to Contemporary Christian Music (CCM) because it is so often doctrinally unsound or just a poor version of what secular music offers. To each their own, though. I’m only hoping to comment on “Modest is Hottest.” Um, it’s hilarious. *Update: Matthew West has issued an apology and removed his video from YouTube. I have deleted the broken link and provided the lyrics below.
Modest Is Hottest Lyrics
Dear daughter, it’s me your father
I think it’s time we had a talk
The boys are coming ’round ’cause you’re beautiful
And it’s all your mother’s fault
And I’ve been trying hard to raise you up right
No drinking, no smoking, no swearing
But your old man’s got a little more advice
When it comes to the clothes that you’re wearing
Listen…
[Chorus]
Modest is hottest, the latest fashion trend
Is a little more Amish, a little less Kardashian
What the boys really love is a turtleneck and a sensible pair of slacks
Honey, modest is hottest, sincerely, your dad
If I catch you doing dances on the TikTok
In a crop top, so help me God
You’ll be grounded ’til the world stops
I’m just kidding… no, I’m not
[Chorus]
All the parents be saying their prayers
That all their girls they be wearing more layers
Moms and dads ’round the world, yeah, they’re on their knees
Lord make them more like Jesus and less like Cardi B
No offense to Cardi B
I’m sure she’s a really nice girl and Jesus loves her but I just think…
[Chorus]
Trust me, modest is hottest, sincerely, your dad
West Is Right…Teaching Modesty Is A Struggle
West’s song hits the nail on the head when it comes to dads and their daughters, whether or not they are Christian. My dad literally cleaned his gun in sight of some boys I was playing with from the neighborhood when I was fairly young. I was so embarrassed, and today it is one of my favorite memories of him. Sure, it was over-the-top, but dads struggle with letting their little girls grow up. It’s a delicate balance, and they don’t always get it right.
It must be difficult to figure out how to protect your daughter and give her freedom. As for West, the song and video are purposefully too much. However, the song does highlight a conversation parents should have with their sons and daughters.
Don’t Be A Knee-Jerk
The knee-jerk reaction is my biggest problem with the response to West’s song. I don’t doubt women have been hurt by negative or abusive experiences regarding purity culture and shaming in the context of their bodies and sex. But this baggage appears to blind many of them to intentions and, sometimes, clear realities. By their standards, no one can say or create anything that triggers them in anyway, and they are operating hair triggers!
A father and musician created a silly song about overprotective dads, opening the door to an important conversation. How did that instantly turn into he’s shaming women, victim blaming, and telling girls they are responsible for men’s lust? That’s quite a leap, ya’ll. Instead of attacking West for having a sense of humor, let’s dive into the unbiblical and biblical meanings of modesty.
Unbiblical Modesty Trappings
1. Dress Code
Skirt length, neckline, pants or not, makeup or bare-faced, swimming in public… The list never ends, and well, we should consider these things. We all need to decide where we stand on these (non)issues and know why we have made the decisions we have.
However, these are not definitive modesty concerns. I would suggest that how we dress is, generally, a matter of conviction. I do believe it can cross into sin, but that would be an infinitesimal number of cases.
More often than sin from too little clothing is likely sin from becoming legalistic on dress. Creating law around God’s law and treating it as equal or more important is the sin I’m usually more concerned about. As an additional note, although there has been poor teaching about proper dress in various churches, we should take care not to see everything through that lens. Someone taking a more conservative approach is not necessarily trying to control you or hurt you. Your bias won’t help the conversation, either. Let’s all be ready to listen and have a conversation.
2. Shame For Our Bodies
Unfortunately, some preachers, churches, homeschool groups, etc. teach about modesty in a way that makes Christians feel shame about their bodies. Ladies, that is just wrong. Remember, you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). God has created you, and He is not ashamed of your physical form.
Adam and Eve, before the Fall, lived as God intended us to live. That is, they existed with no sin and in perfect relationship with God. Genesis 2:25 tells us that Adam and Eve were naked and not ashamed. Your body is a beautiful thing, but you can see that nakedness was a normal scenario between man and wife.
Song of Solomon is filled with romantic language between a husband and wife. Much of it consists of them describing how attractive the other person’s body is to them. Our bodies are wonderful creations meant to be enjoyed with and by our spouses.
Teaching women (and men) that there is reason to feel bad about the nature of her body is unequivocally unbiblical. I’d even argue it is abusive.
3. No Personal Responsibility
There seems to be a prevailing idea among some circles that men cannot help themselves. If a woman looks provocative to him, then he will lust after her. And it’s her fault. To put it plainly, that’s garbage. It is completely unbiblical.
Matthew 7:12 says, “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.” So, based on this rationale, I guess men in these circles would claim that they hope to be treated as objects and scapegoats for others’ sin issues?
Sin is never excused based on circumstance. There is not a situation in all of time and space when a man lusting after a woman gets a pass. And, no, how a woman dresses does not dictate how she should be treated.
Your Turn, Ladies
Let us not lay everything at the men’s feet. So, to start, don’t lust after those shirtless firefighter pictures floating around Facebook. Yuck… How hypocritical, right? Women seem to get a pass on talking about hot guys and staring. I don’t know if these women think it empowers them, but it only makes them as gross as the guys they so happily call out. Same rules apply, girls.
Here’s the real challenging part. How you dress elicits a response. Usually, we know what the response is going to be. Therefore, you have no right to get upset and play the victim card when someone predictably reacts to the way you look. They may be wrong, but you might be choosing to garner that kind of attention, as well. (Do I even have to say this? I’m not talking about assault and abuse. Obviously, that is way beyond “predictable” or legal…) What do I mean? Here’s an example.
The Lab Coat
I was a research assistant during my undergraduate program in the Psychology department. We were studying racial biases in eyewitness testimony. Due to the sensitive nature of the topic (i.e., racism), we opted to wear lab coats. Why? Student volunteers inherently took us more seriously and were more apt to honest disclosures when we wore those coats. Because we looked like other respectable professionals they had contact with, we were treated in a likewise manner. When I wore my typical college attire (e.g., hoodie, baggy jeans, and confused facial expression) I lost any authority I had in the situation.
This is similarly true in our day-to-day lives. Admittedly, the gray area is extensive, but there’s also obvious clothing choices that invite knuckle-dragging mouth breathers into your vicinity. It is hard to deny that booty shorts, deep cleavage, and an exposed midriff send off a very particular vibe. So, don’t be surprised when men or women react to that vibe. It’s not your fault they did, but it also shouldn’t be shocking.
The Go-To Verses
In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.
1 Timothy 2:9-10
These two verses are the place in Scripture everyone goes to when explaining their take on modesty. But, Houston, we have a problem. These are typically used to dissuade women from dressing too provocatively. That’s not the point here, though. The discussion is not one of a sexual nature or even one of fashion.
“Modest” in verse 9 is translated from the Greek word kosmios. This word suggests orderliness, moderation, and appropriateness. We’re talking about self-control here, not bikinis.
This section continues by discouraging women from wearing gaudy, costly, distracting adornments. Maybe today your pastor would just sit you down and tell you that you’re being a show-off and trying to take people’s eyes off the Lord and onto you. Man, I hope your pastor would have the guts to say that if the situation warranted it. You see, wear what you choose, but do so with what effect it has in mind. Are you distracting from Jesus?
We, as Christian ladies, are told to be “shamefaced.” Think of your average woman walking around and decide if this adjective describes her. Maybe she presents herself as rebellious while proudly stating, “This is me; Take it or leave it!” Or does she display humility and an obedience to the Lord? Only one of these is an example of modesty.
Women in the church may be “sober” because they do not drink alcohol, but so many are intoxicated with attention, social media likes, selfie-culture, fashion, and, to some degree, exhibitionism. Their apparel may be appropriate, but they are not modest because they have not clothed themselves with humility and moderation.
What Does Any Of This Have To Do With Dress?
In the end, these verses in First Timothy are about humility, appropriateness, self-control, and obedience to God. Modesty is a heart issue. The instruction is for women to stop swaying the attention onto ourselves and let people see Jesus. These women were dressing themselves in ornate and costly ways, and Paul needed to correct them because it had become a problem in the church. They were a distraction from the Lord, and not conducting themselves appropriately as believers. Spoiler alert: This still happens!
We have women who wear things that leave little to the imagination. Others insist on going out and about in what is essentially pajamas. (It can be either end of the spectrum.) The question concerning modesty and clothing is whether or not it is appropriate. Is it the picture of a self-controlled and humble woman walking in obedience to God and dressing appropriately for the situation? But listen, women won’t take correction on this issue.
Excuses
They say…
1. It’s comfortable./I like it.
Good. I’m glad to hear it. Is it appropriate? Consider whether it puts you or God first in the situation. We need to stop embracing what we want in our flesh and be more like Him. As Peter says, be holy (set apart) in all you do.
“As obedient children, not fashioning yourselves according to the former lusts in your ignorance: But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.”
1 Peter 1:14-16
2. I have liberty in Christ.
This must be everyone’s favorite excuse as a Christian when challenged. Yes, we have the liberty to dress as we choose, but we also need to consider if it is best. If you are resisting guidance on modest dress, then think about why. Additionally, you have liberty, but that liberty does not extend to offending a brother or sister in Christ. Galatians 5:13 comes to mind.
“For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.”
Galatians 5:13
3. I’m not responsible for men’s reactions to me.
No, you’re not, but your choices don’t happen in a vacuum. They will have effects. The effects we want are to be a good testimony to unbelievers, to glorify God, and to serve the Church. Who do you serve with your manner of dress? Use some discernment and discretion.
“As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.”
Proverbs 11:22
4. I don’t dress for him.
Then, how about you dress for Him?
“Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:”
1 Peter 3:3-5
Final Thought
Modesty is about the heart and appropriateness of our dress and behavior. It is how we present ourselves in light of our relationship with Jesus. You can dress yourself according to the most rigid dress code out there, but you can still lack modesty. Think about those Christian Instagram girls who “humblebrag” and display their good deeds and devotional time with perfectly filtered photos. At this point, those kind of posts are a joke. Those girls are a punchline because everyone knows it’s all about them.
Perhaps, as a Church, we’ve put too much focus on clothing. If you are not seeking yourself with what you wear, generally, it shouldn’t matter. Wear what fits the situation, isn’t outright offensive, and allows you to put Him first. Wear jewelry, makeup, a nice dress, and a modern up-do. Or don’t. Believer priests, you pray on it and make your own decisions.
Finally, keep in mind Proverbs 31:30.
“Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.”
Proverbs 31:30
Ladies, we are so much more than our appearance. We are daughters of God, co-heirs with Christ, and have a promised eternity with the Lord. We are not of this world, and we are not to be conformed to it. So, let’s look like it.
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