Is The “Billy Graham Rule” Sexist?

Billy Graham, famed evangelist known for his revival meetings called crusades, developed what is now referred to as the “Billy Graham Rule.” Graham developed this principle in 1948 during a crusade in Modesto, California. Simply put, he decided that he would purpose to not be alone with a woman other than his wife. This was especially prudent given the amount of travel he did for his evangelism away from his wife.

Over the years, other prominent Christian men have claimed to follow the “Billy Graham Rule,” most notably former Vice President, Mike Pence. Pence’s boundaries set people off, and he was highly criticized for living by this principle. The most common accusation people made was that Pence, and other men following the “Billy Graham Rule” were sexist.

So, today I ask you this. Is the “Billy Graham Rule” sexist?

Criticisms Against The “Billy Graham Rule”

1. The “Billy Graham Rule” suggests men can’t trust women.

This is simply untrue. The only ones drawing this conclusion are the critics. A man opting to create boundaries with members of the opposite sex is not a commentary on the women in these situations. In what other circumstance is a person’s motivation assumed and attacked when he chooses with whom to spend or not spend his time?

According to this critique, women are either upset that someone is choosing to not spend time with them and are making a false accusation, or men really think women are dangerous vixens who need to be avoided at all costs. Can we please return to reality? Men, just like women, are autonomous individuals with the right to spend time with whomever they choose.

2. The “Billy Graham Rule” claims men can’t control themselves.

I think a lot of people believe this about men because I have read and watched a lot of content that says men can’t control themselves. The constant refrain from feminists is “men need to take responsibility for their actions.” OK. I’m totally down with this message. I mean, shouldn’t we all? However, the women saying this are implying men use the “Billy Graham Rule” because they are mindless animals who are unable to control their sexual thoughts and actions.

Essentially, the message from women who believe this about men is, “do better.” In their eyes, men who choose to restrict one-on-one time with females to just their wives could only be doing so because they’re perverted pigs. Again, these men’s personal choice is somehow about the women in the critics’ minds. If men could just see women as more than sexual playthings, some argue, then the “Billy Graham Rule” would be unnecessary. Somehow, creating a respectful boundary in male-female relationships makes these men “perverts.” I think people arguing this point are seeing what they want to see.

3. The “Billy Graham Rule” implies affairs are unavoidable when men and women are together.

Protecting oneself from any temptation or opportunity for an affair is not the same thing as saying the affair is inevitable, otherwise. Additionally, the boundary is not claiming that any woman in particular, if any at all, would be interested in an affair even if he were to come on to her. It is a just a practical way of removing the whole thing from the landscape before literally anything can happen or tempt.

Also, can we take a very Christian look at this for a second? The “Billy Graham Rule” acknowledges the propensity to sin and removes some of the opportunities to do so. People love themselves and regularly underestimate their ability to fall into sin. If we take an honest look at our lives, we’ll see a pattern of sincerely trying to do better…and failing. People won’t hear this, though, and “know” that no man should need a guardrail in his life to ensure he stays on track with the life he wants to lead.

4. The “Billy Graham Rule” makes men avoid women.

As in every criticism thus far, we see an assumption based on little to no evidence. The “Billy Graham Rule,” itself, is not meant to keep men away from women. Men attempt to avoid particular types of situations, not people. A man can talk with a woman or go out to eat with her. He just chooses not to do it alone or in private.

5. Some men say they follow the “Billy Graham Rule,” but they don’t.

This is a true statement. For example, Ravi Zacharias claimed he followed the “Billy Graham Rule,” but we know how that turned out. (If you don’t know, find out HERE.) I believe actually following this principle would have helped keep Zacharias accountable, but he chose not to adhere to that standard. OK. He failed. Is that sufficient to throw the “Billy Graham Rule” out with the trash? If something isn’t used correctly or not at all, should we say it’s broken? If I don’t use a seatbelt and die in a car crash, no one will blame the seatbelt or say it was useless. They will say I would have fared better if I had used that safety measure. And they would be correct.

6. Women are held back or ignored at work and church because of the “Billy Graham Rule.”

This criticism claims a few things. Let me break them down quickly.

A.) Women aren’t mentored at church because the pastor won’t meet alone.

Well, women should be mentoring women. We can find instructions on this in Titus 2. Of course, a woman can learn from her pastor, but a woman is a much better fit for a mentor.

B.) Women won’t be mentored at work by male bosses who follow the “Billy Graham Rule.”

Along with this claim is the accusation that women will not receive prominent positions in their fields, either, if their boss adheres to this principle. This seems to align with the assumption that men in these circumstances will ignore women, altogether. This is simply not true. In an office setting, for example, a male boss can meet with his female employees in groups or alone but with the door or window blinds open. If people at work can see you and walk right in, then you aren’t really meeting “alone” are you?

Former Vice President Pence is a good example of this criticism being false. He was accused of being unable to have women hold positions of leadership with him in charge. However, in 2012 he had 19 Congressional employees. Nine of those employees were female. Two of those women were his staff director and press secretary. His staff director became his deputy chief of staff when he entered the White House in 2017. The “Billy Graham Rule” didn’t seem to hold back any women when Pence adhered to it.

C.) Women won’t be counseled in church.

This is about the pastor meeting alone with women. So many pastors have rules about this, even when they don’t practice the “Billy Graham Rule.” In order to avoid accusations of any shenanigans and to avoid temptation in emotionally charged counseling sessions, pastors often have another person with them. Some have another staff member sit in (often female) while others include their wives in counseling sessions. No pastor has to exclude female congregants from counseling opportunities. Period.

D.) Female church members can’t be known by their pastor.

This is nonsense. A pastor can easily chat and get to know everyone at church. People stay after service and talk in the auditorium, foyer, and hallway of every church I have ever attended. The pastor walks around talking to as many people as he can in an open, visible environment. Most pastors won’t tuck themselves away with women in a quiet corner of the church, but they will definitely speak with them and get to know them!

Plus, pastors do have access to email and telephones…

Why The “Billy Graham Rule” Is Wise

1. Affairs are destructive.

I shouldn’t need to say that, but consider this your reminder. All affairs hurt people. An affair in any marriage will hurt the spouse and children. However, an affair in a Christian marriage will also hurt the ministries in which the adulterers participate, their testimonies, and their churches.

Most people think they would never cheat, but the truth is that the majority of affairs begin with zero intention to cheat. It starts innocently as friends. Conversations at the water cooler become long lunches. Suddenly, this friend is so much more, and you can’t figure out how you got to this point. So, why not remove the opportunity?

“Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”

2 Timothy 2:22

2. We overestimate our ability to overcome temptation.

I know I’ve mentioned it before, but it bears repeating. Sin will be a struggle for us until we are with the Lord. Be prepared for that, and avoid temptation when possible. Romans 7 reminds us that we are at war with ourselves. We best not forget it.

“For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.”

Romans 7:22-23

3. The optics matter.

How people see us matters. Oh, it won’t define us, and it doesn’t dictate our standing with God. On the other hand, it can harm our testimony of Christ and render us useless to Kingdom purposes. If everyone thinks your husband is cheating on you, will anyone listen to him about the redemptive work of Christ? Hint: NO.

I’m not just rambling, though. The Bible has something to say on “optics,” as well.

“Abstain from all appearance of evil.”

1 Thessalonians 5:22

“A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;” (emphasis mine)

1 Timothy 3:2

“Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded. In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity, Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you.” (emphasis mine)

Titus 2:6-8

4. The “Billy Graham Rule” guards against…

A.) false allegations because it won’t be “he said, she said.”

B.) misunderstandings because there is someone else to interpret the situation and help keep it from getting to a place that can be misunderstood.

C.) defiling the body that belongs to your spouse.

“Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.”

1 Corinthians 7:2-4

4. Our marriages need to be protected.

For starters, God created the institution of marriage and places a great deal of value on it. We are considered one flesh (Genesis 2:24), and we are called to stay together until we die. Yes, divorce is an option, but it’s not as available to us as the world would have us believe. It is within this relationship as husband and wife that we are meant to bring new life into the world. As a couple we are tasked with educating and discipling our children in the ways of the Lord. Marriage is a sacred bond that is worthy of protection.

I should also mention that God calls adultery sin. Oh yeah…

If I didn’t sell you on fidelity earlier, then this should do it. God says, “no.” So, it’s no.

“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”

Hebrews 13:4

Finally, marriage is a picture of Jesus (the bridegroom) and the Church (the bride). When Christian marriages end up in infidelity, it defiles the picture of Christ and His bride. It also hurts our testimony. Take a look at the whole passage in Ephesians 5:22-32. I have shared a bit of it below.

“For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”

Ephesians 5:30-32

Final Thought

Our culture really has it out for men. They can’t win. A man is derided if he displays improper behavior with women. And rightfully so. However, when a man attempts to live with a set of boundaries around his relationships and interactions with women, he is attacked and accused of being exactly the same as the men who are unfaithful to their wives. Men are gross! Well, that’s what the internet mob tells us, at least. So, what’s the truth?

The “Billy Graham Rule” is not sexist. It isn’t making a statement about women. Rather, it is a personal decision that married couples make for themselves. Some couples would feel stifled by it, yet others feel loved and free from temptation by living within its confines. It might be rude to say, but I don’t care. Modern feminists make everything about themselves, but ladies, this isn’t about you.

As a warning, though, consider checking your personal motivations for living by the “Billy Graham Rule.” Are you doing this to look good or to honor God and protect your marriage? Let me leave you with a little wisdom that I think applies to the “Billy Graham Rule,” and might make a case for why it’s not in any way about women but completely about avoiding the trappings of this world.

A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished. By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches, and honour, and life. Thorns and snares are in the way of the froward: he that doth keep his soul shall be far from them.

Proverbs 22:3-5

What do you think about the “Billy Graham Rule?”

Image courtesy of Tim Mossholder via Unsplash.