I’m Too Scared To Blog, But I’m Doing It Anyway

Have you ever been too scared to do something? Even if you felt like God was prompting you in that direction? I have definitely felt that way, and most recently it had to do with what you’re reading.

The Scene: It’s 9:21 in the evening. My relative has had a long day at work. She plops down on the couch, covers up with a blanket, and opens her laptop. She sees my name while scrolling through Facebook. This person thinks I’m weird and offensive on a good day but still takes the time to look at my posts on social media.

“What’s this?” she thinks. “She has a blog? Who told her she can write?” After clicking on the link to my blog, my relative releases an eye roll that can be heard around the world. “Of course,” she mumbles, “It’s her churchy stuff…”

She reads the post and is infuriated that my opinion is different than hers. My husband always says, “If it don’t apply, let it fly.” This relative doesn’t adhere to that saying, and I hear all about it in a very public comment. Future get-togethers are tainted with what I am told is my foolish and prideful desire to write.

My life is ruined. End scene.

Fear of Man

If that all sounds bonkers and unlikely that’s because it is! There’s no person I know that I can honestly picture playing out the above scene, but it has been the image that drives my fear to publicly voice my thoughts for nearly all my adult life. A private conversation is one thing, but someone taking me to task in plain view of anyone and everyone is downright frightening!

Galatians 1:10 says, “For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.” This verse is clear that I’m to concern myself with what pleases God, but when I’m honest with myself it’s obvious that I simply do not want people to dislike me while I seek to please Him. I want to please everyone! I’m not alone on this, right? At the heart of it all I have been so afraid that people will be angry with me or offended that I’ve silenced myself any time my words may spark disagreement.

Pride

Let’s say my fears come to life. OK…Now what? What are the consequences? Better said, what am I most afraid will happen? Well, I might be embarrassed. Someone might say mean things about me or make accusations about me. You see, it’s pride.

Pride has crept in where humility and obedience ought to be. My desire to write a blog comes from a long-standing conviction that I should. I’m not sure why God has laid it on my heart. I don’t have thoughts of “success” or anything of that nature. However, I feel led to write, and a fear of looking bad to others is not a valid reason to ignore His prompting. But I’ve hidden behind that reason for years.

And if I thought I might try to hold onto my pride in just this one little area of my life… God’s Word is simply littered with references to pride, and they all point to God’s disapproval and the consequences of it. Here’s just a few.

“Every one that is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord: though hand join in hand, he shall not be unpunished.”

Proverbs 16:5

“Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.”

Proverbs 16:18

“A man’s pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit.”

Proverbs 29:23

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”

James 4:10

Cancel Culture

I’m not famous. In the world’s eyes I am not a person of great worth. So, the Twitter mob and outrage culture will not target me. Or will they? Over the last few years, totally obscure citizens have made it onto the thought police’s radar, and now they are enemies on social media to whichever golden calf is on the altar that week. Small businesses alongside large corporations have suffered the wrath of angry keyboard warriors and headline hungry politicians and media outlets.

The cancel culture phenomenon is unnerving. Anything we put out into the world can be used against us at any time in the future no matter the context. That’s enough to keep many people silent and seeking a life under the radar. But that just leaves one voice, one narrative out there in the marketplace of ideas. Folks, we don’t want that. Open a history book and find out how well societies that suppress or quell dissenting opinions function. Spoiler: They don’t function.

People Are Mean

The final reason I have put off writing on a public forum and sharing my thoughts to anyone outside my living room is simple. People. Are. Mean. I often hear others espouse the goodness inside all people. The cruelty, violence, backbiting, anger, pettiness, selfishness, and whatever else these individuals see in the world are exceptions. The belief is that people are generally good.

Let me suggest a radical idea that I believe most of us already know to be true. The good deeds, friendliness, patience, understanding, and other such behaviors we see around us are not a part of our true nature. Why would I say that? Well, I’ve met people. So, like, I know it’s true, but there’s another reason, too. God says it’s true.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” This one speaks for itself, doesn’t it?

Jeremiah 17:9

“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” Without the Lord, we do not have a “clean heart.” We are consumed by our sin, and we need God to save us from that heart condition.

Psalms 51:10

“As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one.”

Romans 3:10-12

None is a pretty exclusive word. You and I are not the exception of people who do good things and are “good” people. Scripture says the number of people fitting the description of righteous do-gooder tallies in at ZERO.

Of Course, Some People Are Nice!

The obvious question, of course, is what about all the nice people out there who are doing things that seem good? “Am I imagining those people, Julie?” Yes, we see “good” people all the time. I have been on the receiving end of kindness many times. If the person knows Christ, then I attribute that to a person’s sanctification and relationship with Jesus.

Otherwise, I explain these behaviors as learned and understood as socially desirable. We all want to be seen in a positive light. We want friends and desire a good social standing among others. And, yes, we care about others, too. Human beings are complicated. Your heart can be wicked and sinful while you care about people, as well. Two things can be true at once.

Ultimately, the internet has cracked open the door to our hearts and revealed who we are when we have anonymity. We’ve all read a comment on an article and thought, “There’s no way this dude would say that to her face!” And we were correct. We (you and I are not exempt from this) are much less kind and “good” when the consequences and personal identification are removed. Julie might smile and nod when she disagrees with someone, but tRuThWaRrIoR457 might say awful things and show no level of grace or understanding. (My apologies if tRuThWaRrIoR457 exists. I just made that up.)

Final Thought

As a woman who fears conflict and disapproval, has no interest in injuring her pride, lives in a world where cancel culture is a thing, and is afraid of being a target of internet trolls…why start some random blog geared at things the world will hate? Well, fear isn’t from God, and when He convicts you to do something you need to do it. Super simple. Super hard to do.

Maybe one person will read something I write and be encouraged. Maybe my children will have this as instruction from me after I’m gone. I don’t know. What I do know is that I live in a time in history when having my voice heard and sharing my love of the Savior has never been easier. Is fear stopping you from stepping up and speaking out? If it is, it’s time to be brave.

Image courtesy of Patrick Mueller via Unsplash.