How To Choose A Church

On a fairly regular basis, I see women on Facebook asking for help choosing a church. They may have just moved, recently became a Christian, or left a church for one reason or another. I’ve noticed something a bit disturbing, though. Folks don’t have a clue about how to choose a solid church!

I have lost count of how many times a woman has asked a group of mixed denominational Christians and “Christians” what church they recommend. Often times, the same woman will say she is debating between a Lutheran church, a non-denominational church, and a Methodist church. (Feel free to insert any denominations into the list.) “But Julie, what’s the issue? It seems like a legitimate question.” Well, I’m glad you asked!

Don’t Seek Church Advice From Just Any “Christian”

People love to seek advice and counsel in these huge Facebook groups, and I believe they think it will be sound guidance because the members identify as “Christian.” I don’t mean to rain on your parade, but loads of people identify as “Christian” who, by biblical standards, are not actually Christian. Also, there is precedent for false believers in the Bible, itself.

“Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.”

Matthew 7:21-23

It may not be a comfortable truth, but it is, in fact, true that many “Christians” will not be welcomed into the presence of the Lord. So, we need to discern carefully who we approach for advice on spiritual matters. Don’t shoot buckshot. Be deliberate in whom you ask. If you must use one of these groups for help, then be clear about some standards you have for a potential church.

Know About Various Church Denominations

A mature and discerning Christian woman should never be simultaneously considering Catholic, Baptist, Pentecostal, and Methodist churches. I get it…maybe you’re new to the Christian thing. Find a mentor, if possible. If not, spend some time researching what different kinds of Christians believe.

Here’s an example. Many Pentecostal churches teach speaking in tongues. Some go as far as to say you are not really saved until you receive your gifting in tongues. However, most Baptists would staunchly disagree. Many, maybe most, do not even believe that particular gift exists any longer. So, if you don’t know that difference, you might find yourself confused and in a church with which you are incompatible.

Know What You Believe

If the afore mentioned scenario played out but you knew what you believed, then you could simply not attend that church again. End of story. But what if you aren’t sure? How can you possible choose a church when you are not secure on what you believe about Jesus, the gospel, and church life?

If you ask a Catholic for advice on a church, she will direct you to a Catholic church. The same can be said for a Lutheran, Methodist, Baptist, etc. That’s understandable, but it means this Facebook group approach to spiritual advice is way off the mark. I firmly know what I believe on the essentials of my faith, therefore, an invitation to a friend’s Lutheran church would receive a declination…no matter how great the people and building might be.

All churches are not equal in the eyes of a woman confident in her faith and knowledge of the Bible.

Know Your Bible

Everything we discussed so far hinges on this: Know the Word of God. How can a Christian woman discern in any area of her life? She must know the Bible. I heard an evangelist at a revival series I attended years ago say over and over, “That’s not Bible!” It stuck with me because it was so simple, yet the perfect way to sift out wrong teachings, lifestyles, churches, and whatever else. Use your Bible like a sieve for everything. When things don’t match up with Scripture, confidently toss it out because “that’s not Bible!”

What Kind Of Church Should I Choose?

This won’t be an exhaustive list, but it’s a good place to start.

1. Church Focus On Discipleship

The Great Commission (Matthew 28:16-20) specifies teaching new believers. We call this discipleship, and it is an absolute must-have in every church. Some churches will have programs for discipleship while others (often small churches) will not have anything “official.” In my experience, the pastor, Bible study teacher, or mature member would naturally walk alongside those in need of mentoring if no program existed. If you’re not sure what is available, ask the pastor. He will be able to match you with someone or point you to the program they have.

Discipleship helps you grow in Christ. You really have to wonder about a church that doesn’t encourage and help facilitate that growth.

2. Sound Doctrine

You’ll need to know the Word to know if the church teaches sound doctrine. Maybe bring a biblically solid friend, or send her an online sermon to review. Most churches have that available now.

Churches that make you feel good, encourage you in all that you are, don’t challenge you, and sound more like a Ted Talk than a sermon are unlikely to be doctrinally sound. The best way to figure it out, though, is for you to be familiar with sound doctrine.

3. Exegetical Preaching

Have you ever heard a sermon that tells a captivating story, entertains, and teaches you something about a better way to live? In the end, you might hear God loves you and will help you take on the Goliath of your life. If you’ve listened to Joel Osteen or Beth Moore , then you probably have. This is called eisegesis, and it means the speaker reads his or her own ideas into the text. It’s no way to learn God’s Word.

Exegesis interprets the Bible how the original text was meant to be understood. So, keeping with Goliath… Goliath isn’t a metaphor of the “giants” in your life that you need to slay. First Samuel 17 is a historical record, and good Bible teaching will present it that way.

God speaks to us clearly through His Word. We don’t need clever and misguided interpretations to lead us astray from God’s message. Rather, we need solid leaders in the church to teach us how to read the Scriptures as they were intended to be read.

4. Fellowship Among Believers

Potluck? Well, maybe. Fellowship is not just social gatherings with church members. It is a mutually beneficial relationship unique to believers because of our shared relationship with Jesus. So, sitting down to a potluck dinner is not necessarily fellowship. However, that time can also be spent glorifying God, sharing what the Lord has been teaching us through His word, and ministering to each other’s needs. Sweet, sweet fellowship.

On the other hand, if the church clears out as soon as the sermon ends, then that may be a red flag. The healthiest churches I’ve been to were nearly impossible to empty after service because people wanted to spend time together. Church wasn’t a thing to check off a list to them. Instead, church was a time to worship the Lord with their family.

5. Evangelism/Outreach

Any church that does not want to share the gospel and reach outside of itself is no church at all. Location, demographics of the membership, gifts and talents, denomination, and resources will help determine what this looks like. But it should look like something.

If the only outreach looks more like in-reach, then there might be a real problem.

6. Opportunities To Serve

Any member of a church should look for ways to serve. And any church should encourage all members to find a way to serve. Look around and see if people are serving in various ministries, or if they are being discouraged from doing so.

Church is not a place to go and only receive. We need to be giving and ministering, too. Make sure that’s encouraged and welcomed by the leadership.

7. Good Reputation In The Community

Ask around and find out what people in the community think of the church. Do they even know it exists? Do people know it as the “unfriendly church?” Maybe you get a knowing sigh before she unloads years of dysfunctional history on you when you ask someone about it.

You can learn a lot about a church from how other people see it. Don’t be afraid to ask.

What You Don’t Need In A Church

There may be some glaring omissions in your opinion in the list above. Here are some things that do not make a church the “right” choice but are often prioritized.

1. Popularity Of The Church

It is all right to go to a popular church. Pause and consider, though, before you decide on it. Why is it popular? As a general rule, the gospel message is unpopular with the world. So, why are thousands upon thousands of people loving this place? Think critically, listen to some messages, and decide.

I wrote a post discussing the preaching in nine of the largest churches in the United States. Take a look at it to dive in deeper concerning what a pastor ought to be preaching about and what some red flags may be.

2. Lots Of Young People In The Church

This can be wonderful. A church filled with only Senior Saints can be a sign that the church is dying. On the other hand, a church with only young people can be a problem, too. Titus 2 expressly tells the older men and women to teach the younger generation. Who will teach these young people in churches completely absent of older generations?

What’s the best kind of church? It is great to see a church with people of all ages, and I recommend finding one or one as close to that as possible.

3. Concerts Disguised As Worship At Church

My bias is showing. I won’t say a church with a big ol’ stage-show-style worship is not all right to attend, but it leaves me with questions. Why do we need laser lights, smoke machines, and a wannabe rock band to worship God? Are these musicians even Christian or just paid employees? Are we worshiping God or the music? Is this a ploy to reach us through emotionalism?

Maybe it’s OK. It certainly isn’t necessary, though.

4. A Church With A Robust Children’s Ministry

I have five kids, so I get it. We are so accustomed to constantly entertaining our children that we struggle to let them just sit. But guess what. It would be totally fine if a church had no children’s ministry. Really. It would. It might be a nice thing to have, but church does not depend on it.

If you take nothing else from this post, take this: Your children don’t decide what church you attend. Read it again if you must. Their friends go to another church? So what! They like the other youth group more? Too bad. If you have decided a church is best for your family, then you go to that one. And so do your kids.

5. A LOT Of Members At The Church

“A lot” is subjective. All I am really saying here is to be open to a smaller church than you might usually attend. Ultimately, you might decided on a large church, but see what is going on in one of those little churches. There is a feeling of family and fellowship that I cannot imagine experiencing outside of these. Oh yes, they come with their own list of issues (like any church), but they offer more than you might think at first glance.

More people don’t necessarily make a church good.

Final Thought

Choosing a church is a big deal. Your church will be where you are spiritually fed and where you serve others. The people there will be your family. You’ll learn their needs and prayer requests, and they should learn yours. For many people, church family is closer and more intimate than blood family relationships. We can’t just ask a random group of ladies on the internet to make this decision for us. We need to do the work.

But do remember one more important thing. You’ll never find the perfect church. It doesn’t exist because they are all filled with imperfect people in need of Jesus. Just like you and me. So, get off that couch, switch of the online service, and walk into a church this Sunday. It’s time to choose.

Image courtesy of Allyson Beaucourt via Unsplash.