Christians And The Cultural Obsession With “Body Count”

If social media has proven anything about itself, it’s that it can be a total dumpster fire. Sometimes it feels as if the worst of humanity is congregating for a club meeting or something. Sadly, Christians aren’t immune to getting pulled into these internet messes. Currently, one of the more popular conversations taking place on social media centers around the idea of “body count.” For whatever reason, certain people are obsessed with it…Christians included. Body count may be worth a conversation, but Christians might need to reevaluate how they look at it.

*Disclaimer: Today’s topic is sexual in nature, and although it does not cross over into sinful speech, it is not appropriate for all ages.

Defining Body Count

Not everyone enters the dark spaces known as X (formerly Twitter), Reddit, or whatever narcissistic social media platform the kids are using these days.

So, you might not know what I’m talking about when I refer to “body count.” Traditionally, most people understand that term to signify how many people are dead in a given situation. A soldier may have a body count from his time served at war. On the darker side, a serial killer has a body count resulting from his crimes. You might even use the term when discussing the losses from a natural disaster. The term has taken on a new meaning, though, especially among younger individuals.

Body count now also refers to the number of sexual partners a person has had. You might be thinking that’s a weird thing for strangers online to get into heated debates over and share in public forums. I agree, but it’s still happening.

Calling this number a body count was jarring the first time I heard it, but now I think it makes complete sense. To many, sexual partners are just bodies to use and dispose of when they are finished getting what they want. It’s a bit crass, but body count is a fairly accurate way to describe what’s going on in American sexual culture.

Is this topic relevant to Christians, though? It is. At first glance, a Christian might balk at the legitimacy of body count discussions, but let me tell you what people are saying and how Christians can add light to the conversation rather than jump on a bandwagon of fornication and shame.

What Body Count Says About A Person

Body count conversations are generally focused on one question. “Does body count matter?” Men and women are trying to decide once and for all if it matters how many sexual partners someone has had when considering that individual as a potential romantic partner. Answering this question leads to drama, judgment, permissiveness, and a whole host of unfruitful secondary discussions.

The World’s Two Views

The world has two main contradicting views. As with almost everything, no one seems to be able to take another’s perspective and look for subtleties and nuances concerning an issue. No way! Everything has to be black and white. I’m right and you’re wrong. Everything must be an extreme. (insert eye roll here)

A High Body Count Is Fine

One group thinks the entire conversation is unnecessary. This side of the discussion bases its viewpoint on sexual freedom. Hedonism, really. We can have sex with as many people as we want, and there should be no judgment or repercussions for it. No one can have an opinion on another person’s loose sexual behaviors. In fact, a common argument is that no one has a right to even ask about another person’s body count.

Think about that for a minute. Imagine you’re interested in pursuing a serious relationship with someone, and you want to know all you can about him. As a believer, you definitely want (and need) to know about his sexual history. This isn’t judgmental, rather, it’s necessary to know what you’re walking into if you were to marry this individual. I mean, c’mon. Face it. A sexual history isn’t left at a married couple’s bedroom door. That baggage gets unpacked in the marriage bed.

Now picture that you have asked your boyfriend about his sexual history, and he responds by shutting down the conversation and accusing you of crossing the line. That’s bonkers, right? Well, that’s how people in this camp look at body count. It’s their business alone. Even their sexual partners are kept in the dark.

A High Body Count Lowers Your Value

The other side of the discussion believes a high body count is not something to which one should aspire. People who are against high body count believe it reflects badly on one’s character, decision-making skills, morality, and future fidelity. Other than the complete subjectivity of the word “high,” I agree so far. But wait, there’s more.

Not only do some people see a high body count in a negative light, but they also claim that those with one are not “high value” people. I have lost count of how many times I’ve heard some Andrew Tate fan complain about the low value women that he sleeps with. I’m going to discuss value in a moment, but let’s address the hypocrisy first.

Sexism And Body Count

I’m no feminist, and I try to avoid sounding like I am one. In this case, however, I’ll risk being grouped among the feminists. I strongly believe body count is typically viewed through an overtly sexist lens. Whose body count do you think most people ask about? That’s right. Women. Meanwhile, the criticism frequently comes from men who have sex with women who they deem to be low value.

You might think that’s hypocritical, but these guys would say men are designed to sexually conquer. So, women need to stop them from racking up their own high body count. Zero responsibility, y’all. Zilch!

If we’re going to have a cultural conversation about body count, we should hold everyone to the same standards. God does, after all.

I should add that body count sexism has crept into the Christian sphere, as well. Believers are much more concerned about what women are doing than what men have been up to.

What Do Christians Have To Do With It?

Now that you’re caught up, it’s time to look into how Christians got entangled in all this. Allow me to begin by encouraging you to normalize talking about sex. We don’t want to talk about it the way the world does, but God has a lot to say on the subject which should remind us that sexual intimacy is not a taboo subject. It should be handled with care and discretion, but it isn’t off limits to believers. So, let’s dive in.

Christians are siding with those who are against a high body count (yay!), but they are also shaming those who have one (boo!). A few days ago I saw a tweet that said something like this: “My body count is 1 (with my husband)…as it should be!” Comments congratulated her on the achievement and questioned the value of women who cannot say the same thing.

Christians aren’t sharing Scripture. They aren’t coming alongside people who might have a story they need to tell. Generally, Christians are shaming people for the sexual sins of their past and bragging about how they avoided those sins.

They are just jumping in to join the conversation, but they aren’t adding anything Christlike to it. If anything, it sounds like a self-congratulatory works-based bragging session with Christians standing self-righteously above those that disgust them. Ironically, those who look most shameful are these Christians.

Body Count Details We Should Consider

I would like to focus this part of the conversation on believers, specifically. There might be reasons someone has not saved herself for marriage yet professes Christ. Nonetheless, the impression many Christians appear to have is that the woman in question is “damaged goods” and a “low value” partner. Let’s unpack a few reasons a Christian may have a body count beyond her spouse.

1. She is unrepentant and actively engaged in sexual sin.

Pray for her. Counsel her. But don’t shame her. Even in this circumstance, does anyone actually believe tearing someone down and being cruel will bring them to repentance? If she claims to be a born-again Christian, church discipline may be in order. Meanwhile, point her to Christ.

2. She was sexually assaulted.

The trauma that accompanies sexual assault is difficult to accurately put into words, but imagine how much worse it would be if your brothers and sisters in Christ held you responsible for the sin committed against you. Picture sitting down with the man you deeply care for in order to explain your experience and then discovering he sees you as damaged or less than. “Julie, that doesn’t happen.” Yes, it does. The Church has a spotty track record when it comes to teachings on sex.

A victim of sexual assault hasn’t racked up a body count. She has been violated and her assailant, not her, is responsible.

3. She gave in to sexual temptation and sinned. The woman later confessed and repented.

I ask you, what more could this woman have done? She sinned, of course, but our response to sin is to confess and repent. What sins do we hold over people’s heads for a lifetime other than sexual sin? How many things have you done that Christians will not let you move beyond despite your genuine repentance? I’m guessing not many…

If she repented and has been forgiven by the Lord, then what are we doing when we act as if she needs to earn extra forgiveness from us?

4. She was saved as an adult.

Not everyone comes to Christ as a child, believe it or not. Some of us get saved as adults. A woman in her 20’s, 30’s, 40’s etc. is likely to have lived like the world. Why wouldn’t she? I don’t hold unbelievers to Christian standards because they have no reason to live that way.

Is a woman who comes to Christ at thirty-two years old low value because she has a body count? Is she no longer marriage material?

A Narrow View Of Purity

I knew a young man early in my Christian life who was very conservative and hopeful to find a wife and start a family. Someone suggested that he date a single lady in our church because, well, she was single. (Why do Christians always seem to do that? Single doesn’t mean automatically compatible!) Anyway, he was disgusted at the idea.

The woman was a single mother. She was, as he saw it, a low value woman. He told me that he had maintained his purity, and he “deserved” a woman who had done the same.

Don’t let me diminish his right to have preferences. We all have preferences for what our marital partners will be like. I wanted a man to laugh at all my jokes. My husband apparently preferred finding a woman to tease by not laughing at her jokes. Just sayin’.

But I digress. This man’s tone is what immediately struck me. He was repulsed. His explanation also included the conclusion that she wasn’t a strong Christian because of her past sin. I can’t say either way about this woman in particular, but I can say with certainty that some of the strongest Christians I have met have very sinful histories.

Pure In Heart

Purity culture has had its rise and fall in American culture, but this feels like a revival of those old sentiments. What makes someone pure? Is it virginity? That is one way to be pure, and I recommend it. It’s biblical, after all. On the other hand, can a woman who entered marriage with a body count never be pure?

Purity is related to so much more than sex. I’m not encouraging anyone to discount sexual purity. Without a doubt, it is an important part of our obedience to the Lord. Nevertheless, we can be pure outside of our sexuality as seen in the Book of Matthew:

“Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.”

Matthew 5:8

This verse is well-known to many Christians from the Sermon on the Mount. I wonder how many of us consider the meaning of this statement, though. What did Jesus mean when He said “pure in heart?”

It’s Not All About Sex

“Pure in heart” is not a reference to sexual morality. It’s so much more than that. As I’ve come to understand it through my study, this refers to being blameless in our character. This is a description of the impossible, in my opinion. Impossible, that is, without Christ. Someone who is “pure in heart” has given herself to Christ and lives a life geared toward God. She is blameless and led by the Spirit, not her flesh.

To be “pure in heart” is about who we are inside, not about what behaviors we display. Though, purity in heart would certainly spill over into how someone lives.

We should ask ourselves whether or not someone can be “pure in heart” if she has a sinful past. We ought to seriously consider if a woman can repent, be forgiven, and develop an inner purity through her relationship with the Lord and her continuing obedience to Him. I hope you’re thinking “yes” right now because of course a woman (or man) can develop and grow in purity!

Making Biblical Sense Of The Body Count Debate

Despite how distasteful the body count conversation is, it has become a regularly featured talking point for conservatives and some Christians on social media. We can’t stop the body count debate from happening, but as believers who represent Jesus Christ to the world, we can engage in a more Christ-centered manner.

To begin, we need to be solid on what God has to say about sex. It’s difficult to argue for any side of the body count debate without a firm foundation in God’s Word.

1. Sex is a good thing…for married couples.

God designed men and women to marry and be sexually intimate. Their bond is meant to be complete and for life.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

Genesis 2:24

God makes the importance and enjoyment of sexual intimacy within a marriage abundantly clear in Song of Solomon. A healthy and God-honoring marriage includes sex. So, Christian, don’t be ashamed. God designed this union.

2. Sex outside of marriage is sin. The end.

Have you ever heard someone say this: If the Bible says something just once, it’s important because it is the Word of God. However, if the Bible repeats itself on a subject, you really better pay attention to it.

If that outlook is legitimate, then consider how many times God warns us about sexual immorality, lust, adultery, fornication, etc. Sexual sin is a huge temptation for us. Don’t believe me? Think about how many marriages go through affairs, how many people have premarital sex, how many people use pornography, how many people identify as LGBTQ+… The list goes on.

Here is a small sample of God’s thoughts on sexual immorality.

The Scripture Says

“Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”

1 Corinthians 6:18

“Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”

Colossians 3:5 (ESV)

“But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;”

Ephesians 5:3

The following three verses put sexually immoral practices in the same list as murder. Tell me God hates sexual immorality without telling me He hates sexual immorality, am I right?

“Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.”

Galatians 5:19-21

Not only can we see sexual immorality taken incredibly seriously by the Lord, but Jesus raised the standard to an unachievable level.

“But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

Matthew 5:28

That’s right. We can commit sexual sin without touching another person. All it takes is our sinful thoughts.

You Are More Than Your Body Count

Looking at the previous verses, we might be tempted to believe anyone who has sinned sexually is without hope, but we should also know better than that, Christian. Yes, a person’s body count is often an evidence of sin. That sin may have been a one time thing or a lifestyle. But it doesn’t have to condemn you to a life of being less-than, damaged goods, low value, or defiled.

Rather than shaming people who have a body count, let’s use the opportunity to point to Christ. Remember, those of you who remained virgins until marriage did so by the grace of God, not by your own efforts. So, praise Him for His work in your life and share what He can do in the lives of those who haven’t walked with Him. The shame that accompanies a sexual history, especially for women, can make a woman feel like she is beyond redemption. Disappointingly, some women have been told they are ruined and not marriage material because of their sexual history. But that’s a lie. God won’t turn away a repentant soul seeking reconciliation with the Father.

We Can Be Forgiven

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

1 John 1:9

“To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace;”

Ephesians 1:6-7

“Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.”

Acts 2:38

“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”

Romans 8:1

God forgives His children, and if you’re not His child, you can be. I didn’t come to the Lord until my mid-twenties, and now I’m a new person who lives a vastly different life from the one I lived as an unbeliever. Christ saves, and He changes us. All you’ve done can and will be forgiven if you repent and come to Him for forgiveness, truly accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Nothing you’ve done is too shameful or debased. No body count is so high that God can’t forgive you.

We Have Value In God’s Eyes

Oh, and let’s talk value for a moment.

The idea that anyone has become less valuable due to her sin is absurd. Each person, no matter what she has done, has been made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). We are of great value. God knew us before we were even born!

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;”

Psalm 139:13-14 (ESV)

God has adopted us into His family!

“But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:”

John 1:12

We are set apart for the Lord. We are His people. Christians, we are chosen!

“But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;”

1 Peter 2:9

God is concerned with all of us from before our birth, and we have inherent value in the simple fact that He created us. For those of us who are believers, we have been set apart and have become God’s children. We belong to Him no matter what we have done in the past.

Our value is who we are in relation to God and in our relationship with Jesus Christ. Christian, the number of sexual partners a person may have has absolutely nothing to do with their value as a human being. Free yourself from that idea.

Final Thought

God has a lot to say about who we should have sex with, how many people we should be sexually intimate with, and the seriousness of sexual sin. However, that isn’t meant to be used as a cudgel to shame others. Maybe sexual sin isn’t your issue. Fantastic. But let’s not pretend like you haven’t struggled with some sort of sin. Was shaming you and devaluing you the way someone won you over to Christ? Did you repent because outspoken Christians told you how awful and unvaluable you were?

Let’s not confuse a “conservative” stance with a Christian one. Yes, rejecting the idea of the benefits of a high body count is a good thing, but the Christian angle here should be to shift the conversation back to Christ. His sinless life, His sacrifice, and His resurrection. Share the gospel and point people to an abundant life that cannot be found in sexual gratification. It can only be found through Jesus.

Have you seen the body count conversations on social media? What are your thoughts on it?

Image courtesy of Priscilla Du Preez via Unsplash.