Always A Visitor, Never A Villager

My church recently celebrated its 150th anniversary. Aside from the reign of terror that logistics have on an event this size, it was a great day. Picture, if you will, a church building filled with current members of all ages, current regulars (i.e., guests who regularly attend), members from yesteryear, previous pastors, and those who never belonged to the church but had been positively impacted by the church’s ministry. Can you see it? Now, imagine this group praising the Lord together, laughing, crying, and being genuinely excited to see one another. That’s literally what happened. It was the healthiest family reunion I’ve ever encountered. This wonderful day, however, also reminded me of a common observation I have made in churches over the years. Some folks just seem to refuse to truly be part of a church body like this. They show up for food-related events, large holiday programming, and some regular services, but they won’t make an effort to belong to a church family. They’re always a visitor, never a villager.

Why Some People Reject Church Family

I find it mind-boggling that there are so many people who will go through the trouble of attending church every so often and maintain a shallow relationship with the people in the church body, yet never choose to belong. I have often wondered why anyone would even bother coming at all if that’s the most he or she is willing to put in. No matter what we do to welcome and serve them, they keep a healthy distance. There’s a wall there.

So, what’s the deal? Why are people so standoffish? Well, as one might expect, there are a bunch of reasons. For today’s purposes, I’m not going to dive into what I consider “healthy” or “good” reasons to keep a church at a distance. For instance, I support someone who won’t commit to a church because she sees concerning leadership, heretical teaching, Bible teaching that is a mile wide but an inch deep, etc. That person is seeking a biblically solid church in which to grow in her faith. Good for her. Rather, I’m thinking about people who attend (to some extent) a healthy church that has what the individual wants, but this person attends sparingly and won’t become a part of it. I should also add that I’m assuming salvation. If someone isn’t saved, then there is really no mystery as to why belonging to a church is unappealing.

Visitors Can’t Stop Rummaging Through Their Baggage

I believe the reason some people are always a visitor, never a villager is because they won’t stop fixating on their baggage. I’m not judging anyone for having baggage. I mean, who doesn’t have some? However, I wonder if some people won’t allow it to stay in the past and pursue a better future.

1. The Christians they know are just like everyone else.

If there is one issue in the Church I could talk about forever, it’s this. Believers need to actively decide to pursue the Lord and lose out on some of the things of this world that they think they need or have convinced themselves are benign. If someone from outside the Church looks at your life and thinks, “They’re just like me,” then you need to reevaluate how you’re walking with the Lord.

Why would someone who has hesitation concerning church attendance and membership want to belong to a church when no one there seems impacted by it?

2. People are too judgmental.

There is nothing wrong with making judgments. The Bible, despite what so many people claim, does not say we shouldn’t judge. *gasp* We can and should, but we need to do so without hypocrisy. Moreover, we aren’t meant to nitpick and micromanage. In other words, let’s not play the pharisee.

People have been scared off of church altogether because a church in their past has called them out for things that are, in fact, not a sin. Moreover, their church may have behaved as if they were in deep spiritual rebellion. No, Karen, you shouldn’t question my salvation because I drink Starbucks, play cards, sing along to the Beatles, or don’t homeschool.

3. They’ve been hurt.

Church hurt is a real thing. I have no desire to minimize the hurt and pain that toxic, sinful men and women in churches cause. On the other hand, it’s not an excuse to avoid relationships with other Christians. We see this response to hurt in other areas of life, too. We’ve probably all met someone who says she is never going to date again because of a terrible breakup. But do we usually accept that response? No. Generally, friends and family encourage that person to be open to meeting someone.

Of course, I’m not blaming people who get hurt at church. We should all do better at demonstrating Christlike love to one another and seeking forgiveness when we predictably fall short.

4. They are tired of drama.

I love messy drama. Movies with plots that twist around ridiculous stories bring me so much delight. That’s fun when it’s fiction, but I have no interest in my church looking like an episode of Days of Our Lives. If someone’s experience with church life is defined by highly dramatic congregations, what would be the selling point of drawing close to a church body? Actually, wouldn’t it be easier to just watch church online? They can cross that off their spiritual checklist and move on completely unaffected by the church they view as entertainment. It sure feels safe, but it sure ain’t real church.

Excuses

In the end, these are just excuses to avoid church. There may be valid reasons to feel wary of belonging to a church body, but finding and belonging to one is part of a healthy and strong spiritual life.

There Are Benefits To Being A Villager

“Go to church and commit to that congregation? Maybe. What do I get out of it?” Like it or not, people usually want to know what they get out of pretty much anything they do. So, let’s get practical for a moment. No worries, we’ll jump into the Bible very soon, but let’s deal with those pragmatic thinkers first.

Being An Active Part Of A Church Body:

Provides Accountability

We all want to believe that we will choose right when we face opportunities to sin or pursue questionable avenues, but the history of mankind suggests otherwise. Don’t ever underestimate your ability to convince yourself that you are in the right when you’re really just appeasing your flesh. We all need people in our lives who share our values, are honest with us, want the best for us, and are not willing to say nothing when we are in sin. Moving from visitor to villager allows us to develop deep connections, keeping us accountable to God.

Allows Us To Serve Others

Whenever I tell people that being involved in a church gives opportunities to serve others, I often hear that opportunities to serve others exist outside the church, as well. Touché. I’m in favor of that, but people usually mean they can serve in a stereotypically charitable way. For example, they help at a food bank, volunteer at a women’s crisis center, etc. Those are wonderful things for a Christian to do in order to reach others with the gospel. Don’t stop doing that.

As we go through life, however, let’s not forget other believers. We are meant to love one another in such a way that people know we are Christians (John 13:34-35). In order to demonstrate love to one another, we minister to each other. The best way to know how to minister to other believers is to get to know them in a deep, real way. *cough, cough* Belong to a church. *cough, cough*

Gives Us Pastoral Care

God has given believers “overseers” to care for the Church (Acts 20:28). These men are meant to shepherd us, their flock. No, they aren’t God, and they don’t remove your free will. But pastors care for us, and they are committed to leading us, teaching us, and correcting us when necessary.

Many of us don’t want to be under a spiritual authority figure, but it is absolutely biblical. Drop your pride and stubbornness. Quit being so stinkin’ independent. Accept leadership and guidance. God gave us these godly men for our good.

Deepens Our Relationships With Other Christians

It’s surprising that so many people in church have no more than an acquaintanceship with most people with whom they worship. They don’t know their children’s names, interests, jobs, and they certainly don’t know their struggles. Knowing that much about every person at church is really difficult, especially if your church is large. So, let’s think about it in reverse to get started. How many people know you well? Are you a body that warms the pew for an hour and then disappears for a few weeks until you decide you can free up another Sunday morning? How can anyone serve you that way? Let people in, and the best way to start is to commit to a church and get involved.

Perhaps this scares you? I get it, but you can serve and be served best if people know you. Be known.

The Bible Instructs Us To Be In A Village

I’ve given you some reasons why someone may opt to be a visitor, never a villager. I also explained some of the practical benefits for a Christian to belong to a church, but I skipped the biggest reason. The Bible instructs us to belong to a church.

Oh, I can hear you already, Critic. “There is no verse that says I have to be a church member.” I know. Membership as we see it today is our modern-day response to what the Bible clearly tells us to do. Let’s take a look at what God says.

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24-25

This is a good place to start. Don’t neglect to “meet together.” These verses don’t define the logistics of how to spend time with other believers, but they clearly indicate we should do so, encouraging one another as we do.

^“addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,” Ephesians 5:19-20

Adressing one another. So, we’re together. Psalms. Hymns. Spirtual songs. Making melody. Hmmm. That sounds suspiciously like worship through song. Side note: If you don’t sing in church because you don’t enjoy singing or you think your voice is bad, sing anyway. God tells us to, and, believe me, it’s so fun!

“For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit.” 1 Corinthians 12:12-13

Just as no part of our body can function without the rest, believers are part of the Church body, needing one another to best serve the Lord and be sanctified. Here is the rest of the passage in First Corinthians 12.

“For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, ‘Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,’ that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, ‘Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,’ that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you,’ nor again the head to the feet, ‘I have no need of you.’ On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.”

1 Corinthians 12:14-27

Whether or not you want to be part of the Body, Christian, you are. That means you’re not fulfilling your God-given responsibilities as a believer when you refuse to fellowship in a meaningful way with the rest of the Body. We hurt the Church and ourselves when we try to live out our faith alone. We need each other.

“As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace:” 1 Peter 4:10

This supports what we just looked at. Our gifts allow us to serve one another in a personalized way. Together, we fill in the gaps as we use our individual gifts.

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Life is hard. Full stop. Following after Christ in this sin-sick world is even harder sometimes. We need encouragement, and it can’t be found in the world. Our friendly co-workers, unsaved family members, and pop psychology experts don’t have what we need. A community of like-minded believers is where we find encouragement from others.

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

There is no room for empty words and platitudes here. Your brothers and sisters in Christ will help you carry the weight of your struggles as only another believer can. Again, this is best found in local church fellowship. How can people you refuse to get close to ever know your burdens or how best to minister to you through trial?

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” Colossians 3:16

In addition to worshiping together through music, believers have a responsibility to teach and correct one another. I don’t know about you, but I don’t respond well to random people trying to instruct me and tell me when I’m incorrect. This is especially true if the correction relates to something more personal. However, we can build relationships in which there is trust, respect, and understanding when we regularly fellowship with other Christians…

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35

Our relationships with each other should be so unique, rich, and godly that others take notice. Essentially, we should love each other in such a way that the world recognizes our love is unlike the love they have experienced. Attending a service once a month and bringing a (delicious) dish to potluck isn’t enough to forge that kind of relationship. If you’re never a villager, you never truly belong. If you’re never a villager, you’re missing out on a love that can only be deemed supernatural.

“And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.” Acts 2:42-47

The Early Church lived in a level of closeness we simply don’t require today, and I think it’s dangerous to look back and assume we need replicate how the first Christians lived. On the other hand, when I look at these verses in the context of the rest of Scripture regarding how believers should exist together, a picture forms. Christians prioritize time together, serve one another, minister together, study God’s Word, worship together, and share meals together. This is the picture of intimacy and lives centered on the Lord. There are no visitors, only villagers.

Final Thought

When I hear people talk about “the village,” I roll my eyes. It usually refers to the government “helping” me raise my kids or use my money “better.” Of course, this means sticking the government’s nose in my parenting and taxing me a little more. In the Church, though, the “village” is the church family. If you have time, look into the one anothers. The Bible instructs believers on how to interact with one another over fifty times. We looked at some of them earlier. Without fellowship, closeness, transparency, and a willingness to commit to a local church body, how can we actively live out the one anothers? How can we grow in Christ and help others to do the same? If you’re always a visitor, never a villager, ask yourself why you don’t want to be a part of a church family. I encourage you to rethink your position and find your village as soon as possible. You’re missing out on one of God’s greatest blessings.

Would you define yourself as a visitor or villager? Why have you chosen that role?

Image courtesy of Sophie Spree via Unsplash.