Are You A Hospitable Christian?

What do you think about when you think of Christianity? Things that immediately come to my mind include Jesus Christ, the Bible, prayer, love, and those classic hymns we conservatives love to sing so much. Casseroles, however, rarely come to mind. Better said, hospitality is not among the first things I associate with the Christian faith. Nonetheless, hospitality, like other more obvious Christian attributes, is an essential distinction in a believer’s walk with the Lord. It seems like it should be simple to accomplish, but in a time of social media driven self-obsession and jam-packed schedules for every member of the household, are you really a hospitable Christian?

I’m Not Naturally A Hospitable Christian

I can’t stand on a soapbox and declare the need for hospitality in the Church as some expert on the issue. I haven’t mastered this. I’m probably more akin to a Hospitality 102 student. I know enough to know I don’t much.

The Hospitality I Learned

I grew up in one of the least hospitable homes in America in the 1990’s. My parents weren’t mean to others or hiding behind closed curtains when someone knocked on the door, but they definitely treated our home like it was for the three of us alone.  We occasionally had people over, but it was obvious to anyone how uncomfortable that made us.

One big hurdle for my family was my dad’s schedule. He was a police officer working four days on and three days off at the county jail. He started his shifts in the afternoon and came home after my mom and I had been in bed for hours. Therefore, typical hours to have someone over often excluded my father, and his days off were spent maintaining his sleep schedule and relaxing.

My mom was another big problem when it came to hospitality. She was just awkward. She didn’t learn how to host someone properly as was often evidenced when we visited my grandma. My mom would either be super amped up and too intense for anyone to feel comfortable, or she would be inappropriately laidback. For example, when hosting her in-laws early in her marriage, she cracked open a can of Pringles, held it out to offer some chips, and she preceded to eat the entire canister after the others declined. She truly didn’t realize that was an odd way to feed people.

My Approach To Hospitality Before Salvation

I recognized how my parents neglected hospitality and wanted to be better at it, but it didn’t cross my mind until I finished graduate school. By then I was shy, unable to cook, and a perfectionist. This combination froze me in my tracks because I wanted everything to be “just right.” I planned to avoid these situations altogether, but then I got saved. Suddenly, the least prepared person I knew to tackle hospitality (i.e., me) was expected to be a hospitable Christian.  

Defining Christian Hospitality

Before we continue, let’s get on the same page about what I mean when I say biblical hospitality. First, we should define “hospitality.” After looking at numerous definitions, the idea behind hospitality is a host kindly receiving a guest and providing food, drink, entertainment, and/or lodging. Biblical hospitality can rightly be defined a similar way, but it is rooted in Christ. Through hospitality we serve Him by serving others, even when that service is not convenient. Often, hospitality really is inconvenient and requires some level of sacrifice. But hey, no one ever said Christianity was comfortable.

Instructed To Be Hospitable

Hospitality isn’t a new idea. The importance of hospitality is throughout the God’s Word.

For instance, elders/bishops must practice hospitality.

“But a lover of hospitality, a lover of good men, sober, just, holy, temperate;”

Titus 1:8

“A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;”

1 Timothy 3:2

God instructed both Israel and New Testament believers to show hospitality to strangers.

“But the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself; for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God.”

Leviticus 19:34

“Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”

Hebrews 13:2

Christians are also supposed to show hospitality to other believers.

“Use hospitality one to another without grudging.”

1 Peter 4:9

Among a list of Christian characteristics, Paul included hospitality as a mark of a true believer.

“Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord; Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.” (emphasis mine)

Romans 12:9-13

Biblical Examples Of Hospitality

Scripture shows us hospitality in action in a multitude of examples. Throughout the Bible, individuals depended on others’ hospitality as they traveled. The gospel was able to spread, in part, due to people opening their homes in a hospitable spirit to traveling believers.

Not to mention, church meetings in the early Church took place in someone’s home which fully relied on whether or not anyone was willing to be hospitable enough to open his or her home for groups to gather for worship.

Specific examples of hospitality in the Bible include but are not limited to Abraham and Sarah welcoming the heavenly guests in Genesis 18, Rahab hiding the spies in Joshua 2, Lydia inviting Paul and his fellow travelers to stay in her home after her salvation (Acts 16:15), and Aquila hosting Paul in his home while Paul ministered in Corinth (Acts 18:1-11).

Roadblocks To Being A Hospitable Christian

In a technical sense, practicing hospitality should be easy. We know how to do it, so why don’t more of us do it? Some roadblocks get in the way which make showing hospitality to others a little more challenging, and sadly, people give up when things get challenging. So, what’s stopping us?

1. Entertainment Mindset

Some of us have come to equate hospitality with entertaining. Personally, I love to entertain. Making food, decorating, choosing music, planning activities, and creating an atmosphere for an event vibe is fun for me, but it’s not necessarily hospitality.

Entertaining people is a lot of pressure, doesn’t necessarily meet anyone’s needs, and is more likely to be for me than Jesus. Most people I know have no interest in creating an event every time a guest comes over, and that entertainment mindset has turned quite a few people away from receiving guests at all. They believe in order to show hospitality, they need to be Martha Stewart 2.0.

2. Insecurity

I was embarrassed to have my friends over when I was growing up because I lived in an apartment. I had one friend who came over all the time because she lived in the same apartment complex, but I felt ashamed of what I saw as an inferior life compared to the rest of my friends living in their parents’ beautiful homes.

Adults can feel this way, too. We might look at our shabby furniture or generic brand labels in the kitchen and feel less-than. What if my home isn’t nice enough? Big enough? Comfortable enough? Is my food too cheap? Is it appetizing? Do I have enough to welcome guests?

3. Selfishness

We are too selfish to invite people over. Guests eat our food, drink our coffee, use up our emotional energy, and take time away from other things. I don’t care who the guest is, she will cost you something. Sometimes we don’t mind that, though. This is especially true when it’s a close friend, right? We welcome our friend’s visit and easily disregard how much time we lost for other things. But what if that guest is not someone we know well or prefer? In that case, we carefully guard our time and resources. “I’m going to take care of myself first, but maybe after I get through these next few months…” I don’t judge, ladies. I think I have literally said that in the past.

4. Don’t Want To Get Involved

I had a friend many years ago who was very hospitable to a woman who had started attending our church. One Mother’s Day, this woman began to have some sort of health emergency, and my friend spent nearly her entire Mother’s Day at the hospital. The woman’s health issues spanned into mental health, as well, and that hospitality turned into quite an investment.

Was my friend wrong for being a hospitable Christian to someone new in our church? Of course not! And to her credit, my friend handled the intensity of this new acquaintance well, but I admit the situation sort of scared me off. I was newly married with a baby on the way, and I didn’t believe I had the time or energy for such a connection.

At the root of it, I just wanted to keep things shallow with people. It was easier. Plus, I didn’t have to sacrifice anything or be vulnerable. The problem is that zero sacrifice and a lack of vulnerability is being inhospitable. Really, it’s a complete rejection of hospitality.

5. Busyness/Season of Life

Everyone is busy. Those calendars are filled from top to bottom. Everybody is always on the run from one commitment to the next. People aren’t hospitable because they don’t have time to be. They have filled every minute of every day with activity. These folks are the ones who respond to invitations to get together for coffee with, “I’d love to, but I’m so busy.” Maybe they pull out their calendar and pencil you in three weeks from now knowing full well they’ll replace you with something else.

The other related excuse to refrain from hospitality is that the season of life won’t allow it.

“I have a baby/toddler/student athlete/teenager.”

“My job has been really demanding.”

“I’m taking classes.”

There is always something that will require our time and attention, and there are always some people who will not see a way to fit hospitality in as a priority.

Removing Obstacles To Be A Hospitable Christian

What can we do? Practice. Many of us are not as hospitable as we could be because we don’t practice. The best thing we can do is put one foot in front of the other and go for it. Start small with these suggestions.

1. Pay Attention To Others

Being hospitable starts with seeing who needs us and how they need us. You don’t have to be a creeper and people watch, but you can take note of signs and signals people give. In fact, they might just say what they want and need.

2. Listen

Too many conversations are people silently waiting for their turn to talk rather than actually listening to each other. If you stop to listen, you might find people are quite clear about their current struggles, needs, and interests. People really do share a lot about themselves if you listen for it.

3. Forget About Entertaining

Entertaining people is often more about ourselves than it is about the Lord or our guests. Hospitality is not a performance, event, or opportunity to show off. It doesn’t need to be high stress and require a significant amount of preparation.

The most hospitable Christians I have known freely offer a seat at their table for dinner, brew a pot of coffee and settle in for a nice long chat, or open their home for ministry when the need arises. Are their homes going to be on the cover of Better Homes & Gardens? No. Do they serve 5-star cuisine? No. Are they kind, welcoming, willing to open their homes and hearts to guests, and point others to Jesus? Yes on every count!

4. Create More Margin

Don’t be so busy! You will never be free to show hospitality if you have no white space in your planner. Whether you block out time each week for hospitality or begin to lessen your load as a whole, you will find more opportunities to serve others.

In addition, I’d like to challenge you to consider why you’re so busy. Are you afraid of being still? Are you avoiding something? Maybe having free time makes you feel guilty. Most people I know with packed schedules are running from something, operating out of guilt, or fear still and quiet time with God.

5. Be Intentional

We rarely pick up good habits on accident. Hospitality is a lifestyle, and any good and healthy lifestyle needs to be cultivated. Look for opportunities to show hospitality and prepare your home for it. Most importantly, prepare yourself for it. Pray to God for help and follow His leading.

We are instructed to be hospitable Christians in God’s Word, but it’s a choice whether we obey or not. Choose to obey and be willing when the time comes. God will provide you opportunities. All you need to do is act on them.

6. Hit The Road

Hospitality doesn’t have to be isolated to your home. Perhaps there is someone in your church who would benefit from a meal being brought to her house such as a new mother or someone dealing with illness. You could bring someone flowers or write an encouraging note. My point? Think outside the box, and feel free to show hospitality in ways that are unique to you.

Final Thought

If hospitality makes you uncomfortable or uncertain, don’t beat yourself up over it. Yes, some ladies seem to be born ready to serve in that capacity, but not all of us come by those skills as easily. Remember, God doesn’t tell us to do things that are impossible. Well, they may be impossible in our own strength, but He can and will equip us to do His work.

On the other hand, if you avoid hospitality because it puts you out, get over it. It’s not about you and your preferences all the time. (Don’t we all need that reminder sometimes? I know I do!) Take those first steps today to make being a hospitable Christian easier and a part of your lifestyle. Frankly, it should be a part of every Christian’s lifestyle.

What are some ways you have shown hospitality to others?

Image courtesy of Taylor Grote via Unsplash.