10 Things I Have Learned About Being A Homemaker

Recently, I realized that I haven’t collected a paycheck in nearly eleven years. I gave away all of it for another job. That’s nearly half a million dollars at my rate of pay back then (before taxes). What in the world could have enticed me toward a job with no pay? You guessed it. My family. I told my husband I wanted to be a homemaker and homeschool our kids about three weeks into marriage. I clearly understood God’s call to make this change in my life, but I didn’t know what I was getting myself into.

Here are ten things I have learned about being a homemaker since becoming one.

1. I’m Not As Good At This As I Thought I Would Be.

Maybe it was the only child thing, but I really believed that I would knock this out of the park. It wouldn’t take long for seasoned moms to marvel at my aptitude for running a home and raising children. Then reality set in…

We rely on convenience food far more often than I like. Some days electronics are the lion’s share of my kids’ day. The house is generally tidy, but don’t inspect under the bed or that rarely used closet. Just trust me on that. It’s the stuff of nightmares.

Staying home and being “domestic” was simply not a natural or easy thing for me. I have worked hard to learn homemaking skills because I didn’t have a teacher for that. To say I was ill equipped would be an understatement. The more women I speak to, though, the more I realize I’m not the only one. But there’s hope, ladies!

2. I’m Way Better At This Than I Thought I Would Be

About seven seconds into being unemployed and at home all day I realized I was totally unprepared. Suddenly, my opinion of my abilities changed. I was a lost cause!

Despite the enormous learning curve I faced entering into my newfound domestic bliss, I am doing OK. Better than OK, actually. I have found my rhythm. Flexibility, reasonable expectations, and continued learning have all helped me succeed at this work I do. It’s not perfect. I’m not perfect. But I know I’m in God’s will, and I am absolutely secure in the knowledge that it is best for my marriage and my children.

3. Being A Homemaker Doesn’t Complete Me

I entered the stay-at-home life thinking it would be everything I needed, besides Jesus, of course. For awhile homemaking was challenging the way a new job or class might be. I was constantly learning and researched how to save money, clean efficiently, cook, and care for children. It was, for a short while, everything.

However, new things became the routine. I still learned and researched, but I began to find that I had moved beyond the advice blogs and books written for young homemakers like me. I began to resent my choice. The thought, “So, this is it?” often ran through my mind. It didn’t have to be that, though. I had boxed myself in. Eventually, I came to find that I had to invest in myself and my interests, as well.

4. Being A Homemaker Is Enough

Although I wanted more than to be “just a housewife,” I knew it stemmed from a sinful place in myself. I wanted to be seen, appreciated, and valued for things I did. My dissatisfaction in homemaking was rooted in my lack of focus on God.

I lost sight of why I did what I did. Years prior I had believed God called me to put aside my job in order to serve my family. This wasn’t about me! I had allowed selfishness and pride to cloud my vision regarding my role in my family and the world. I didn’t need a paycheck or affirmations from coworkers to have significance. I was in His will, and that was all I needed.

Typical Arguments

So, this is where someone accuses me of being a slave or of saying women have no other needs beyond cooking and cleaning. For clarity, I’ll quickly note that neither of those potential arguments is true.

I’m no slave. I do my part, my husband does his, and the kids do what is age-appropriate for them. I am loved and appreciated at home. (Though, the kids often complain about dinner…) And everything I do is because I choose to do it.

As for other needs, yes, I have other needs. I’m apt to ignore them, but I am blessed with a husband who sometimes forces me to take time for myself and encourages me to take time doing things I enjoy, like writing. Homemaking is not the same thing as sacrificing all things except the home. It also doesn’t replace a relationship with Jesus or make you holier…maybe holier than thou, though, if you’re not careful.

5. There Is Not As Much Free Time As I Expected

As I planned for the birth of my first baby, I daydreamed about all the time I would have at home to do whatever I wanted. Sure, I’d cook and clean. Of course, the baby would need me throughout the day, but I would have plenty of time for myself, too.

What did I plan to do with my days, you ask? I planned to learn how to sew, learn Spanish, get super fit, and start a blog. For starters! If you’re a mom, take a moment to wipe the tears from your eyes as you stop cackling at the youthful optimism of my past.

My reality looks more like a stunned woman flopped on the couch around nine o’clock at night wondering what she did all day. Oh, stuff happened, but it’s a blur. It turns out I really need to purpose to do anything beyond the must-do things to survive and educate my children. I guess you could say this isn’t the vacation-like life I expected. Even when I’m on vacation, I’m not.

6. Loneliness Is A Real Danger

I grew up an only child and became accustomed to being alone, preferring it even. Not to mention, I’m an introvert in regular need of breaks from people. So, you might expect I was born for the stay-at-home lifestyle that is homemaking. Apparently, not so much.

Without intentionality, homemaking can be isolating. The season of Littles leads to more time staying behind, separating from the group to breastfeed, and staying close to home for the ease of routine. Moms in this stage are also seriously distracted, and this makes them less fun to hang out with. Ever have a conversation with a mom at a park who is constantly looking behind you rather than at you? That woman had Littles to keep an eye on, but she really wanted to talk to you, too.

When I realized that my children and I needed connection, I reached out to local homeschool groups. I admit, it took a few tries. Sometimes the group wasn’t right for us. Sometimes the group didn’t really seem to want us there. And here I was thinking peer rejection stopped after high school! Eventually, we found our people, and those connections were a lifeline in those times I felt lonely and unsure of myself. Every effort we made was worth it.

7. Flexibility Is Key

Rigidity offers little success as a homemaker, and it is still dying a slow death in my home. I long to be flexible and remain calm when the cart is upheaved, but I’m more likely to get a little super worked up.

Life happens, and God’s plans for my days are rarely in line with my own. I’m happier, and so are my kids and husband, when I take the day as it comes and work around the changes without complaint.

The funniest part of it all is that I thought I was flexible. Then kids happened.

8. …But Predictable Routine Is A Must

OK, this is where my natural bent can really shine. Flexibility is so important, but life can’t be a free-for-all. My entire family is better off when we have a predictable routine. This is different than a schedule. A schedule will dictate exact times and create a sense of hurry. A routine just tells us the flow of the day. My kids know table chores follow breakfast. After breakfast, they get dressed and brush their teeth, and our homeschool day immediately follows.

Yes, sometimes I have to switch it up because we made other plans or something unexpected happens. However, our family runs by this general routine on a daily basis. It’s familiar, predictable, and helps all of us have some sense of what the day will be like.

9. There Aren’t Enough Hours In The Day

I love lists. I’m always wanting to buy more notebooks for lists. So many lists. I’ll never get through everything I want to do in a day. Biology requires that I eat and sleep, and it really cramps my style. I’ve learned to just prioritize and prepare to adjust those priorities as the day goes on.

The danger with trying to get too much done in a day is that you begin living a life that is task-oriented instead of relationship-oriented. My kids won’t remember how often I mopped the floors, but they will remember that I told them I was too busy to look at their creation or read a book. Those aren’t memories I’m out to make with my children.

10. Homemakers Need A Break

We need a break. All of us. Homemakers are no different. I don’t have the luxury of leaving the office and going home, so I need to purpose to take breaks. Otherwise, every waking moment will be spent “working.”

How can a homemaker take a break?

– Nap. Really, take naps. It’s great.

– Have your kids take some quiet time, so you can do something you want.

– Exercise.

– Ask your husband to play a game with the kids while you take a hot bath.

The options are limitless. Whatever you choose, make sure you actually do it. Do you need a longer break? If you do, take it. Have dinner with some friends. See a movie. Take a nap. I know I already said that, but you could always take a longer one.

Encouragement For Homemakers

I’d like to leave a little encouragement for homemakers. It can be work that feels devalued, thankless, and never-ending. Let’s look to the Word when we begin to give way to those feelings.

“She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” (Proverbs 31:27)

You might wonder how that should encourage. I mean, it just sounds like another difficult standard! Look at verse 28.

“Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.”

The natural outpouring of her children and husband is praise due to how she lives. She takes care of her home, not wasting time, and her family speaks well of her for it.

“And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.” (Colossians 3:23-24)

Homemakers are at risk of feeling invisible. How many times have your children thanked you for the clean clothing that appeared in their closets? How many times does a stranger come up to you and congratulate you on the freezer cooking you accomplished that day so your family could save money and have healthy meals in the house? It doesn’t matter. That’s not why you do it. Ladies, we serve Christ, and our reward is far beyond anything we can receive from the world.

“But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)

Homemaking can feel overwhelming at times. If you are like me, you entered marriage and motherhood with zero skills. I didn’t have a clue. I had to lean on the Lord for all of it. It brought me closer to Him in my Christian walk, and I was humbled daily at what He provided, taught me, and walked me through.

This promise is true whether you are a homemaker or a big shot lawyer. He will supply all your needs.

Final Thought

Being a homemaker doesn’t make me a superior woman. It doesn’t necessarily make me a better wife or mother either. However, it does allow me to be my children’s principle teacher and the best helpmeet for my husband I can be because I am less distracted by outside forces. It is my personal belief that, if possible, women should make home their primary focus. (Note: That doesn’t mean don’t work. It most definitely doesn’t mean prioritize home over the Jesus.)

I wonder if some women turn away from what some call “traditional” roles in the home because they don’t feel trained for it. If your desire is to be a homemaker but your mom wasn’t able to teach you, then I want you to know hope is not lost. On a practical level, the internet makes learning homemaking skills as easy as a Google search. Additionally, as a Christian you can rest easy in the knowledge that homemaking is a ministry to your husband and children, your service to your family is ultimately for the Lord, and He will provide what you need in this invisible but important role.

If you’re a homemaker, what have you learned about homemaking?

If you’re not a homemaker, do you want to be?

Image courtesy of Brooke Lark via Unsplash.